Being friends with someone with profound mh problems.

[jimijack]

I have a friend.
She has horrific mh problems, I couldn't even begin to describe her daily struggles.

I am woefully poorly equipped to say or do the right things.
She is the most intelligent, resilient, bravest person that I have ever had the privilege to know, I am genuinely amazed.

Do you know anyone with mh problems? How do you be a friend to them?

What things help them that you do?
Just looking for suggestions, tips on the right things to say and do really.

My best friend (known each other since we were 3 and she says she counts me as a sister) has quite bad depression.

I've said to her if she needs me, even just to vent, then I will be there, and I have stuck to that, though sometimes it's difficult to do.

I'm honest with her if I don't know to say rather than trying to rack my brains for the right answer. I often say - I don't know what the answer is / how I can really help but remember I love you, you are my best friend and your brain is lying to you, you aren't terrible you're wonderful.

She's said before that this kind of thing has helped, just knowing that someone does actually give a fuck about her.

I've helped her to look for information and services, and booked appointments and stuff for her, helped her fill in forms, helped her write a list to break down her day so it doesn't feel so overwhelming etc when she is just too tired to do it alone. But I've also said to her that I can't fight her battles for her, I can only help her figure out how to.

It's tough sometimes though and I do occasionally feel like giving her a bit of shake and telling her to snap out of it but I try to remember that it's not exactly her fault and that she is just not well.

My mum sister and Dad all had MH problems . I'm probably more experience than a lot of people . It's a tricky life if I'm honest .
I presume your freind has the best and correct medication ? If not she needs to keep going back until it is correct . Has she had counselling ? Is there a reason / trigger all of it ? Just listen and support apart from that . You are a good freind , it's pretty tiresome sometimes if I'm honest .

When I say had my dad isn't with us anymore . Mum and sister are stable but have episodes and peaks and troughs .

One of my oldest friends has frequent bouts of severe depression and suicidal feelings/thoughts.

I'm a bit like BillywigSting in my approach - reassuring friend that she is loved, listening to her, acknowledging that sometimes there isn't an answer, helping her/encouraging her to make appointments and giving her lifts etc.

If I haven't heard from her for a while I usually know that she's in a depression phase so send a text just so that she knows I'm here and thinking about her, send virtual hugs.

It can be draining but I then I remember that she has to live with this all the time and I'm fortunate enough not to have to.

Yes, correct meds, psychotherapy, counselling and psychiatric input. All in place. Horrific triggers and cause. Just utterly utterly horrific.

I go regularly, we have coffee and therapeutic cake (chocolate usually), we natter about stuff, we laugh, we talk shite, sometimes about how she is, sometimes it doesn't come up. Her problems are way way beyond me, which is fine, it's not my job to put it all right.

I leave, and I worry, how on earth does she keep going with the weight of a landfill on her shoulders. How do people survive, I just can't fathom it.

Is she at home ? You sound like a lovely freind who cares about her . Just listening is actually enough if she has everything in place .

Yes at home,
I was wondering about those mnters who have mh problems, what helps you? Is there something that friends do that helps you at that moment? What is it?

I find that some of my friends actively avoid the subject. I don't want to talk about my MH problems all the time as there is so much more to me than that, but I do appreciate it when friends say "how are you doing? Let me know if you want to chat about anything today."

I find it very hard.

I'm finding myself slip into the role of carer rather than friend.

The good days are rare. It is very draining and I find it hard to stop her coming to me rather than mental health services. She seems to be increasingly reliant on me.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth

I have MH problems and it is OK if it is becoming too much for you. It's OK to step back. Becoming reliant on you is ultimately not helping your friend either, one of the toughest things about MH is that ultimately it is down to you (and professionals) to make it better, not friends or partners or family. It's a really hard lesson and one it took me a while to learn.

Rockandrollwithit

She is my friend. It's hard to step back and feels uncaring and selfish. Ultimately the friendship won't survive if I don't start establishing firm boundaries.

I think that people who have experienced difficulties themselves can be much more understanding of other people's problems. They have much greater depth and understand issues that others just won't get however much you try to explain. They have insight into the problem and can offer diverse, practical solutions that wouldn't occur to just anyone.

I don't want to lose the friendship but know I need to scale back on the intensity.

I'm.struggling with this too. My best and oldest friend. I'm finding it very difficult to cope with what appear, on the surface, to be double standards. And to have to be the one who has to be ok all the time. I find the questioning and doubting of our friendship very upsetting. I have my own issues, not on the same level, but often end up feeling that I'm not allowed to have a bad day or have my own time. It is utterly draining.