KOKESHI.....good luck for tomorrow

[Elibean]

Didn't want to hijack other thread, but do want to wish you the best with tomorrow's switch-on! I used to work with Deaf people, but don't know much about implants. I do know how isolating and traumatic sudden, or even not sudden, deafness can be, an awful lot for you to deal with in a relatively short space of time, by the sound of it. But then I also know you are one brave and resourceful lady.

Wishing you the best possible success from your CI, and an end to isolation asap xxx

I just typed out a huge post on my laptop and it crahsed...ahhhhhhh!

I'm going to try redo it here.

So I was listening to some music on Yahoo. I had the Scissor sisters on and it sounds dreadful! I haven't really been actively listening over the past 12 days (only 12? It seems like forever), because it's just a dreadful din. I had on the Artic Monkeys, Lily Allen, The Kooks - some of the last songs I heard before my hearing went - which sounded nothing like I remembered, even when I was replaying it along in my head. The scientist said it was take a bit of practise but I think it will be something to be endured rather than enjoyed for the foreseeable future. I hope I wont be forever stuck in a 2006 musical timewarp .

I went back to my lipreading class tonight for the first time in ages...probably about 6 weeks due to the operations, the rehabilitation course and breaks. It was fantastic to see them all again, and hear them for the first time. a A few of them remarked on how much more confidence I seemed to have, which is hard for me to gauge but I know that I couldn't join in any of the conversations between the exercises and relied on DP to take manual notes for me. It meant I was always way behind them all and probably did distance myself a bit.

One of the women has been given her Hearing Dog and it's the cutest wee thing ever. It's a Yorkie/Poodle cross and was under her chair snoozing on it's wee rug for the first half of the class. I didn't even notice it, and when it woke up it was so excited, jumping up and down with it's L-plates on (well, a tiny jacket that said "Hearing Dog in Training"). I have applied for one, but I've been wondering if I should continue with the application. It costs a lot to train them and I'm thinking that it might benefit someone older who has been more isolated than me? I guess I feel guilty that I may be taking it from someone who deserves it more, after all I've been given some of my hearing back. I also have this ongoing permanent resident application to sort out for Australia and it will mean spending some time over there in the future, if it's granted.

There was a new lady joined the class who has had a similar - but far worse - experience of losing her hearing to me. As well as the unknown cause, she's also had brain stem damage and her balance is badly affected. She joined specifically to speak to me about my Cochlear Implant, but I came away feeling really fortunate that my hearing loss, as far as I can see, has been an isolated issue. This lady has 16 month old twins and had just been working for 2 months in her chosen profession when she was hit with this, and the doctors can't tell her what the prognosis is.

I guess being able to listen to music isn't really that important in the great scheme of things...

I love reading your updates.

Thanks LGJ, that's really nice of you. Hope eveyone else is doing OK...welliemum where did you go?! I need you to tell me about your experiences with music!

I also have a question about the telecoil, for those of you who've experience. I'm not to familiar with it as I didn't have one programmed on my hearing aids. My hearing was too bad - out with the programmable range for digital aids - so they never bothered giving me the option. Consequently I'm not too sure when or if I should use it at all. I do see the sign in shops but I wonder if it's worth the hassle of getting the shop assistants to try and a) locate it and b) work out if it actaully works. I've been told the majority of them are never maintained and staff aren't aware of them.

The reason I ask is that the lip-reading tutor (last night) uses a loop system and always tells us to switch to the T-position. Well I did and he was very quiet, sounded like he was talking through a pillow or something. Now, am I just not used to this or was it a shite loop? Maybe I need to get it adjusted by the implant bods? I always felt a bit left out but in the end it was a bit of an anti-climax!

There was one piece of equipment which I think looks fantastic, called a converser. It's a discreet miniature radio microphone system with a separate neck loop receiver that transmits sounds to a hearing aid. The powerful microphone can be hand-held or placed on a surface near to the sound source. It gives you the ability to focus and choose your mode of hearing, whether in a one-to-one situation, a group discussion or a lecture hall. Excellent at reducing unwanted background noise.

I'm not sure if the one on the RNID website (IR45) is compatible with the Nucleus Freedom that I have. They have one on the Cochlear.com website but it doesn't say where to get it! Any ideas anyone? They retail about £335 ex-VAT which I don't have to pay cos I'm deaf. The advantages just keep on coming .

Tonight I was at a meeting and saw quite a few of my friends again. I can't believe how many people have told me that I seem "different". I'm trying to convince myself I'm not coming across as completely manic and a total pain in the arse! I have been talking a lot more and I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon!

I have to go down to the implant centre tomorrow to have the interview for the in house DVD they're filming. It's great that they're putting something like that together, it would have really helped me a lot with the emotional stuff to hear real personal stories. Not convinced I'm the best person to ask though. I get a bit nervous when put under the spotlight.

Thanks for persevering

Finally, finally, finally, a chance to post!

Kokeshi, thanks so much for your updates, I love them.

Well, I was in Christchurch yesterday for my 1 month-post switch-on appointment. It was a good chance to take stock. I was amazed at the progress I'd made when they repeated the tests. Not just the tests, but the trip itself - negotiating the airports, taxis etc and being able to have little conversations with strangers - it's all so different and my heart no longer sinks when the check-in lady asks me a question or a kind elderly lady comes up to say hello to dd2.

The big landmark of the moment is hearing speech on the phone and Skype. A little while ago I was trying to set up a Skype conference online with my parents and sister, and I had the computer speaker on. I heard Mum say "OK, can you hear me now?" - without thinking I said "Yes, I can hear you" then did a big double take!

It just feels so, so odd to understand speech without looking that I can't believe I'm actually doing it! It feels like such a strange skill, like telepathy or something.

Music is coming along slowly. It sounds very very ugly but I'm persevering.

My godfather is a composer and he made me some samples of individual instruments. I can pretty much tell woodwinds from strings, high instruments from low, but there's no way I can follow an unfamiliar melody or something with more than 1 instrument.

Did a bit of testing on the piano with DH's help and the smallest interval I can hear is about a 2nd (C vs D for instance). So my sense of pitch is pretty dire. Before going deaf I used to have no difficulty with small intervals eg the difference between F sharp and G flat (which you can't test on the piano obviously as it's the same key!).

As I play a scale on the piano I can hear some pitches better than others, as if the piano has dud notes - and strangely they seem to be drifting downwards as the days go by, F to E to D.

I wish I understood more about the technical side of the processor - I think it might help me work out ways to train my ear. At the implant centre yesterday I met (by chance) a research audiologist who is interested in music and CI users. She's promised to send me something to read which should be interesting.

Kokeshi, I'm fascinated at the idea of music composed for implant users! I'd love to know more about this!

Oh, and my time warp cutoff is 1994 - I can't hear anything written later than that! And I can only hear music I already know, so chart music is another planet. I'm still stuck on Pink Floyd Planet....

Enough rambling about music, but just wanted to say that despite the fact that it sounds awful, I'm hearing music that I haven't heard for 10 years - I sit there night after night, all over goosebumps because it is so amazing.

I think you are doing well to be hearing a 2nd Welliemum, although it must be frustrating if you were previously doing fractions of a semitone. I just about can pop a quarter tone between two semitones, but as there is not much call for this I think I will be okay.

Babies have difficulty coping with more than one line of music, until they "learn" to listen, so hopefully your brain will be suitably elastic to learn all over again. Also you are giving yourself some really extensive training.

Twentypence, that's very interesting about babies, and it gives me hope of improving.

I feel that I want to take this as far as I can - knowing that I'll never hear music normally so sooner or later I'll hit up against the limits of what the processor can do.

Haven't enough time to explore this at the moment though - exams next week and a non-sleeping baby and lots of work - am v. tired. Also I'm still on a fairly steep learning curve of reprogramming my brain to hear, so I suppose it'll be a while before I really know what is possible and what isn't.

(As an aside: couldn't organise ChCh meetup this month as I've had limited childcare time for dd1 so have been jetting in and out with no time to spare. Yesterday because of various delays I had an 11 hour round trip for 2 hours of appointments... still hopeful that it can be done and will put a thread up if I see an opportunity - v. keen to do this)

Hey Welliemum! Great to see you on here, I love reading your updates too...I don't know anyone in RL that's at almost the same stage as me, whom I can connect with so frequently. It's so easy to forget the little things daily so this is a fantastic way to chart progress.

I regret that I didn't keep up my music lessons when I was younger, then maybe I would be able to identify what I could or couldn't hear better. I kept saying last year I wish I'd had a warning this was going to be the outcome so I could have spent hours just listening and cataloging songs in my head!

1994 was a good year if I remember correctly (yes, in fact you haven't missed much in between) and we've now come full circle to "Nu-Rave". All neon t-shirts and smiley faces!

Here's some info about Oliver Searle, the composer from RSAMD to whom I was referring earlier in the thread.

Is it the Med-El implant you have?

Post soon it's great to have company on here

Fascinating stuff about music. I have very little training in music so I don't know what these semitones really mean (or, indeed, if I hear the difference). DS, surprisingly, does pretty well with music with his CI, although it might be he recognises the words rather than the melody (he was very good at recognising the melody when he wore just aids). His singing is almost as bad as mine, though.

Are your voices any different to before the implant? I realise it's a huge difference to DS who was born deaf, I was hoping his diction would improve after the CI but it's not fantastic. I mean it's good, can be understood by strangers, but could be better. I was thinking whether elocution lessons (or whatever the equivalent is nowadays) would be taking it too far.

Hi Christina, music is definitely something I'm paying attention to, if only because it presents a huge challenge and I'd like to be as "normal" as possible. I'm aware of the limitations of the technology but I'd really like to understand better. It's great that there are people like Oliver Searle taking such an interest.

You were asking about voice? Well, one of that my friends remarked on when I became deaf was that my voice was a lot higher. I think that was to do with compensating for not being able to hear myself, I would "push" the words out so that I could feel that I was actually speaking, and the result of this was that I was speaking in a higher pitch. My volume control was way off as well because I had no environmental clues to modulate it with. It lead to some embarrassing scenes in the supermarket with me shouting, or trying to speak to DP in a normal voice when I was drying my hair and wondering why I got no response!

I think it has gone back to pretty close to what it was before, but my voice sounds really different to me. I didn't like speaking at first at all, I sounded really strange. What I compared it to was if you've ever recorded your own voice and listened to it back? Before my voice would vibrate through my jaw and my skull, but it's now just the same as hearing another person as it's "external". Does that make sense? Obviously I can compare this but Dominic doesn't have that reference point so maybe is not aware how to "fix it"? I guess it just takes time as well but maybe it would be useful for him to have some speech therapy? I have no experience of this of course as I was fortunate enough to have had hearing quite recently. Maybe welliemum has a different experience?

Today was programme changeover. This is the one I prefer (P2)as I'm able to pick out much more detail and indiviual sounds. It's the faster stimulation rate which means more information, and is not good for everyone I've been told. I heard the rain batter really loudly off the windscreen today, which I hadn't been able to distinguish yesterday (Scotland is great for consistency in weather...it's always pouring!). Traffic whoosing past on the motorway was also more noticable.

It was my 15 minutes of fame today. I'd agreed to appear on the Information DVD they're putting together at the IMplant centre. I think it's a fantastic idea because from my own experience there is a real lack of wrap-around care for deafened adults. In the west of Scotland there are a lot of different agencies that don't communicate with each other and the lack of emotional support is dire. It's obvious to me that having to come on to MUmsnet - a parenting web forum - and ask for advice shows how poor our own services are. ENT consultants just aren't equipped (or educated) to deal with the devastation and impact that deafness has on patient's lives. There's nothing that it hasn't touched in my life, and at some points I did feel quite desperate.

I needed to hear about other people who had gone through what I have and offer a glimmer of hope that my life hadn't ended. All of you guys on here have really pulled me through this, and I will always be grateful for that. But, there really should be this kind of support readily available from our own health services.

The DVD has two target audiences. The first being the "referrers", i.e, the consultants who can no longer help the deafened person by surgery or hearing aids. Amazingly these "experts" still have to be convinced of the benefits if implantation. The second group and the prospective implantees themselves, the people who find themselves in the same postion as me.

It was quite nerve-wracking. I had to sit in from of the camera without any preparation an just speak about my experience of being deafened, trials with hearing aids, referral to implant centre and the assessment, and finally how it has changed in these 2 weeks since switch on.

The weirdest thing was just looking straight into the camera, as if I am actually talking to the person watching. I didn't have any problem saying that in 2 short weeks I feel like I've been given my life back but it was quite emotional recalling everything that's happened since August. It's been a real emotional rollercoaster, but if anyone is persuaded that an implant would help them, then I'll be really chuffed.

The HOD was lovely, and said she'd send me a copy - I told her that as long as she was happy then that's fine. I have no wish to look at it ever and please do not send me it as a souvenir! I shall be remaining firmly on the other side of the camera in the future

Hi Kokeshi (and why are we always up at such hours?). It sounds like the DVD for deafened adults is a good idea. There's a few around for children, mostly American, also an old one by Delta. We watched them all - in tears - years ago, wondering if Dominic will ever be able to do things like those children. I haven't watched them recently, I think I didn't need convincing any more. I've also met children with CIs or spoken to their parents. I guess it's easier in a way to reach out for support as a parent, you probably feel more desperate, less self-conscious about approaching strangers. You also have the ability to actually communicate by phone or in person, much easier than by e-mail or through imperfectly acquired lipreading skills.

I know this is a minefield, but I might as well ask anyway? Is there such politics with deafened adults regarding oral vs signing? Again, it's not something I've looked into for ages, we've long ago decided that we wanted Dominic to be oral if he had any chance at all. Just curious if this is an on-going issue with adults? Who knows, it might not even be with children nowadays. I spent many nights researching this and feeling attacked for my choices early on (I suppose a bit like lurking on MN before you decide "what do I owe a bunch of strangers anyway, why do I let this get to me?").

Dominic's speech is good but he seems to put so much effort into it. The words are not formed just casually on the top of his lips, he seems to need all his mouth & tongue muscles to make them. This might sound ugly or grotesque, it's not, just that he seems to make a lot of effort and I wonder if speech therapy would help with that. I think before the CI it was because he couldn't hear himself speaking most of the time, but now he can and I expected this to come naturally. He gets some speech therapy ATM, about once a fortnight, but it's still very much at a kind of assessment stage. He can say all sounds (some trouble with sh/ch and j/g) maybe I'm just impatient that they are going over the same ground and not doing something new.

Dominic also heard the rain on the car roof a couple of days ago. He continues to amaze us every day, the best bits are when he takes part in conversations that are not directly with him (yes, I love my child butting in!).

We're away camping this weekend, extra batteries, waterproof case, rainproof hood, I think we have the essentials.

Have a nice weekend.

Hi christina, I'm early today as we're going away in the campervan too this weekend. It's my birthday tomorrow and I decided it would be fantastic to be out in the wilds to see what my Implant can do there. I've had enough of busy restaurants, pubs and cafes!

Thanks for reminding me to take extra batteries. I won't be able to take my drystore box with me (what implant does Domi have?) so I wonder if it will be OK just to keep it in the case? The Nucleus Freedom is supposed to "splashproof", but I'm not sure whether that covers the torrential downpours we have up here!

Re your question about Deaf/deaf politics in the adult world. I haven't experience much of being in the company of signers and I think that's because they do see themselves as culturally separate. Whereas I see my deafness as a disability, would have done anything for my hearing to return, BSL users are fiercely protective of their own Deaf culture. I guess that's why they are opposed to pre-lingually deaf children being implanted or "oral" because their culture will die out.

In saying that, there's no pitching against one another, just different objectives. I do think that deafened adults are the forgotten minority though. No-one can understand, unless they've gone through it themselves just how devastating it is. I felt like I didn't belong to either the Deaf of hearing world, which just increases the isolation already felt through being deafened.

I would like to see more co-operation for common goals, like deaf-awareness training for public services, communication strategies for hearing people. Considering that 1 in 7 (or 1 in 5 is the most recent estimate) people have a hearing loss, we're really falling short.

I saw a little girl yesterday in the waiting room of the implant centre, about 3 or 4 years of age, wearing an funky processor. She was there with her parents and baby brother and her parents just looked really happy when the were calling on her, and to see her wee face light up when she was playing with a musical toy was just amazing.

They have a huge wall of images as you walk through the corridor of all the implantees, most of them young children. It's quite emotional to see how many they've helped already. It must be truly rewarding.

Anyway, I must go and start getting our stuff together for the van. Exciting!

Enjoy your weekend!

I'm a bit late in posting this, it?s taken me a couple of days- but what a fantastic birthday weekend!

We'd planned this trip a few weeks ago but had to keep putting it off. I'm so glad we did now because it was just perfect, the best trip in the campervan we've had to date.
I got the details of the driving tour from Undiscovered Scotland website, and we set out on Friday evening just after I last posted on here.

I was driving on the journey, up the A82 and for the first time in the Bongo, I was able to have a conversation with DP without having to turn round and lip-read. Talking in car journeys is something we took for granted before I lost my hearing, but impossible when deaf. It was just wonderful to be able to chat about the scenery, the roads, mountains and the lochs. Our route took us up past Crianlarich and Tyndrum, through Glencoe and Rannoch moor.

We reached the Corran Ferry (over Loch Linnhe to the Ardnamurchan Peninsula) earlier than we had anticipated and despite planning on taking it early on the morning, we jumped on it right there and then. I was talking with the ticket operator and bought our ticket with ease, whooping at the fact that I could (much to DPs embarrassment).

The ferry sounded really loud, drowning out all the other sounds, but the crossing was only about 5 minutes at the most. We disembarked and I grinned like an idiot and waved at the ticket man. We were lucky on Friday as the weather was really good, so we just carried on with our route over the single track roads of the peninsula to see how far we got.

I've never seen anything like this place, the scenery is constantly changing at every bend - just absolutely stunning. It changed from sloping hills, to lush green forest, to extinct volcanoes, with either sea lochs or freshwater lochs by the roadside.

We saw and heard sheep and cows, spotted pheasants, deer and the odd farmhouse dotted around on the way. We finally reached the end of the road about 10.30 at night, driving towards the most amazing sunset I've ever seen.

The wee place is called Sanna, which has - apparently - some of the best beaches in Scotland. Best thing about it that there was no-one else there. We went for a walk down to the beach until the light disappeared at almost midnight.

All I could hear was the breeze whistling and the turquoise water lapping gently against the white sands. It really could have been somewhere tropical. I took the processor off and had a fabulous sleep.

On Saturday morning the sky was really overcast and the forecast had been for rain, so we managed another walk down to the beach and over the rocks. At this point the wind had really picked up and I couldn?t hear anything else besides.

When we got back to the van DP gave me my birthday present. I?d not been able to give any indication of what I wanted (I?m really rubbish like that!) but was pleasantly surprised when I opened it to find a SatNav. I was even more surprised that I could hear the directions as I programmed it, it?s fantastic. That wouldn?t have been possible not so long ago and it must have been a bit of a worry for DP that I would be able to understand it. So, we set it for Ardnamurchan Point and headed on our way back down the single track road. I felt really happy, at the fact that I was here with DP and that it was an end to quite a difficult year.

By this time, the rain was really bouncing loudly off the roof of the van and the windscreen wipers are needing replaced. They?re scraping against the windscreen, funny how things like that are becoming quite tedious. I had to laugh at myself for getting annoyed at the noise though.

After a coffee at Ardnamurchan lighthouse, we continued on our route back the way we came, but turning left after 20 miles to cxontinue North up by the Sound of Arisaig. We were running low on diesel at his point so decided to keep going until we found a filling station.

Despite the inclement weather we were just stunned by how beautiful the road was, even though we were quickly heading for the empty mark! We found one of the limitations of the SatNav is that it doesn?t store info about really small independent filling stations, so we just had to keep looking for the ?services? signs. By this time it was 6pm and we?d reached the end of the road at Mallaig ? only to find a petrol station that had shut an hour earlier!

Bit of a strange place is Mallaig, it seems the only point to its existence is the ferry terminal to the isles and a fishing port. Consequently the locals have a kinda Royston Vaseyness about them. My apologies to anyone who lives in Mallaig, btw. I?ve been there twice and it?s been the same both times.

Since we were stuck in the area until the garage opened at 10am on Sunday, DP decided it would be nice to have my birthday meal there. We checked out a couple of places and decided on one which looked quite busy. I won?t name it on here, just in case anyone owns/frequents or cooks there, but I have to say that it was one of the worst meals I?ve had in my life. At £18.50 for a main course it wasn?t cheap either! After trying to persevere with the rock hard potatoes, the soggy veg and the ?fillet steak? as tender as an old boot, I sent it back. We?d already had starters and I?d been thoroughly scunnered by the whole thing. I?d also ordered ?chef?s own pink peppercorn sauce? which I thought might improve things. It cost £1.50 and I actually laughed when the waitress brought out the smallest ramekin I?ve ever seen, there was about a spoonful of sauce in it!

DP was mortified and we just asked for the bill, worried that they?d spit in our desserts if we went there. So the bill came back and it still had my main course on it. I couldn?t believe it when I was summoned to the kitchen and actually had to argue with the chef that my meal was in fact inedible. He must have though I was a raving loony, but I actually got a bit of a buzz from the whole thing. Before the implant I would have just accepted the sub-standard food and gone and left upset and disappointed. I?ve never heard of having to debate the quality of food served to me with the person who cooked it, but I felt a quiet satisfaction when he eventually relented and took my main course off the bill. Not such good publicity for him either, he was waving a packet of uncooked steaks in my face and shouting for the whole dining room to hear.

We decided to drive as far away from Mallaig as our fuel would allow, worried that we may get attacked by a psychotic chef during the night if we stayed anywhere near the village. We drove a little way back down the road to the Silver Sands of Morar, another series of fantastic little beaches hidden from view by rolling sand dunes.

We went for a walk over the beaches at night, decked out in waterproofs and a hat. The rain was really hammering down and just after we got back to the van DP decided to go to bed, whilst I read a book. I kept the processor on even though there was no-one about for miles and nothing to hear except the rain bouncing off the roof!

The nest day brought more rain (getting a bit sick of this noise now!) and we headed back up to Mallaig to get some diesel ? and then promptly did a U-turn back down towards Glenfinnan. This time DP was driving so I was able to take in the scenery (what we could see of it under the fog!). I even enjoyed listening to the SatNav woman telling us to turn right, left or keep going. It?s such a beautiful place but we?ll definitely go back when the weather is better! A wee stop off at Glenfinnan monument and a paddle in Loch Shiel, then we were on our way towards Fort William.

I?d picked up some tourist guides in Mallaig, and one suggested a 45 minute hike up through a gorge at the base of Ben Nevis, to the An Steall waterfall and a three wire bridge. Walking through the gorge was fantastic, and because it had been raining so hard all weekend, the river was really crashing through the rapids with the sound echoing off the sides. I really got a sense of how small I was in amongst all this. The waterfall at the top was just spectacular, and of course I had to attempt to cross the three wire bridge (not a good idea as the river was in spate), which was terrifying. I did get a round of applause from German tourists on the bank who were watching in fascination - bewildered that someone would be so reckless no doubt!

DP was lovely and suggested we postponed my birthday meal until the Sunday, and by the time we got back to the van and drove back to Fort William we were ready for dinner. We picked out the award winning restaurant from the visitor guide, anxious not to repeat the same mistake. The Crannog was fully booked but we got a table on the premise that we?d be out in an hour to let another booking in. It was fabulous being able to order my dinner myself, ask the waitress for things and be able to hear her on the first attempt. I?m really noticing a difference with how I interact with strangers and it?s a lot less stressful for DP as well. When I couldn?t hear at all, I was having to rely on everyone so much just for those basic things that we all take for granted. It?s quite a blow to the self ?esteem being so reliant on others. I felt quite vulnerable a lot of the time.

The meal was perfect in every way: the setting, being able to chat to DP with ease; and thinking about how much my life has changed over the past few weeks.

For all these reasons, it was one of the best weekends of my life, but the best gift of them all is having been given my hearing back.

Cripes, that's long! Apologies.

Wow kokeshi that sounds wonderful! And well done you for arguing with the chef etc. What a lovely weekend in every way!

That's something I've also found very very hard about being deaf - other people have to speak and listen for you. I've often felt as if I was being treated like a child by strangers because DH was dealing with them on my behalf. It's just amazing to be able to negotiate these things on my own.

Sorry I haven't been posting - am in the middle of exams and have been posting short things on frivolous threads but trying not to get drawn into long postings!

Looking down the thread, first of all I've been reading up on Oliver Searle thanks to your link, and his work looks fascinating! I wonder if the music will ever be available on CD - would love to hear this.

I think I mentioned that I met a research audiologist who is also a pianist and is interested in the whole music thing. She's sent me some fairly technical articles which I've skim read (need to wait til exams are over really). It seems the main problem of music for CI users is pitch discrimination, and this obviously affects your ability to hear melodies. This is partly a limitation of the implant, and partly a limitation of processors, because processors are designed to maximise speech perception and there's less focus on music. But apparently now, a lot of CI users are listening to music and there's more demand for MAPs that would let you do this.

I also have the email address of someone who was a top level musician before going deaf, and has apparently been training himself to hear music post CI. I've put off writing to him as a post exam treat, but it could be a fascinating story.

I've been testing myself on the piano (at the suggestion of the audiologist). If I play a random note, not looking, it's impossible to guess what the note might be from the basic sound. But I've discovered that if I let the note fade, just before it fades a pure tone comes through, and by focusing on that, a couple of times I got the note right or nearly right.

I used to have perfect pitch and in my head I have a clear idea of pitches - so the trick is to join that up with what I can hear.

Cristina, you asked about voices: I've been told that my voice sounds very normal (even whe totally deaf) and in fact that this has counted against me because people who hear me speak forget that I can't hear. I think this is possibly because I used to sing (badly!) so I have a good awareness of what my voice feels like, coupled with a memory of speaking normally.

For Dominic that's tricky as he doesn't have that previous standard, but I was wondering about maybe getting him to sing, as a way of being very aware of his voice and how he's making vowels and consonants?

More scannign fo thread - yes, it's the Med-El that I have.

Going to stop there, writer's cramp!

Thanks for posting...I was beginning to think I should maybe start tailing it off, I was motified when I realised how long that last one was.

Great to see you posting welliemum, if you gfind out anymore stuff about music then please point me in the right direction. It's fascinating, and again something I took for granted when I could hear. I've realised how much music actually means to me emotionally - being able to recall periods of my life by songs that I listened to. Although I know the scientists priorities are speech.

Good luck with your exams, what are you studying for? Do you take your processor off when you're concentrating? I have my TV cable plugged in whilst I'm sitting here typing away. I'm trying to retrain my brain to listen and think about what I'm typing simultaneously. I actually couldn't bear it at first at all - probably because I wasn't able to make sense of what was being said. I've really noticed a difference. I do still have to use subtitles to get everything, but it's improving daily.

I'm still not keen on trying the phone, it's a bit confusing to know where to put the receiver - I was kinda waving it around the side of my head at first! I've called DP at the studio, but that's about it. Can you make any sense on the phone yet welliemum?

I'm going back down to the implant centre again tomorrow, I hope they'll give me other programmes so that I can put them to good use when we go on holiday to Sardinia next week.

I hired a car online today, which we'll pick up when we get to Oristano. I'm so excited about staying with our friends, being able to engage when in company. I felt like such a burden to everyone when I couldn't join in, I felt like it made everyone feel uncomfortable too. I'm getting to know everyone again and it's just brilliant.

I found out today one of my best friends from school is coming back from Australia with her one year old daughter in the summer. Another social event that I can really look forward to instead of dreading it. We have about 10 years of catching up to do!

kokeshi, that sounds like an amazing weekend, truly. and i ONE HUNDRED per cent agree about mallaig. although they do good fish and chips at the fisherman's cafe right bang beside the ferry terminal. i think it's a union run place, it's like a big shed basically but the fish is yum.
please, please tell me the restaurant... was it the one up from the Spar?

btw, we shoudl both get to bed, we're in the blooming northern hemisphere here!

Ok Aitch, I shall be your secret source. It was the Tea Garden. It does look really nice from the outside - all show and no substance?

Will you do an AA Gill on it? .

oh no, i wouldn't dream of it. i thik dh and i discussed going for lunch there but had a look in and saw some fairly miserable diners, which sent us scurrying to the fisherman's rest place once more.

Wow, that was quick! Next time we go, it will be to get the boat out of the place!

You sound so happy in your post, Kokeshi.

(I'll get back later, just a little tag for me so I can get back to it easily.)

Have a great time next week in Italy. Enjoy all the sounds!

Welliemum - thanks for telling me about your voice and music. Someone here posted a link - in a totally unrelated thread - about a camp with singing and I really thought something like this might be good for us (me & DS) as we could both benefit from some voice work. I decided against it because 1) it wouldn't be fair on the others and 2) it really was much too wacky (a Unicorn camp). I'll have a look around, though, for something a bit more mainstream. When he was much younger he went to a music & singing group based on the Kodaly method but he didn't like it. At school he has speech therapy exactly during the music lessons, probably considered the least disruptive for him, which I realise is just a prejudice. Your posts on this (with the limitations that Domi's hearing & musical memory has never been as good as yours) has re-awakened my interest in helping him access & enjoy music. So many thanks.

Cristina, I'm so sorry, I just realised I've been spelling your name wrong the whole time. Consider the rogue 'H' discarded forthwith (not you aitch, my west coast sister ).

Will update soon, too tired after spending the day down at the Heads of Ayr Farm Park with my mum and L. Fantastic place.

Aggghh, run out of time - kokeshi, have a fab holiday - sardegna is lovely - and I'll mind the thread while you're away and add some thoughts from this side. There's so much to discuss!