Is this tiredness? Or an indication of a mental health issue?

[TiredorMad]

Big disclaimer to start: I'm functional, safe person - and the nature of posting about a particular problem will make the problem seem a much bigger part of my life than it is.

I wanted to write down some of my 'symptoms' honestly and anonymously, to get some views. I've two kids - a three year old and a four month old. I've noticed a change in myself over the last four weeks.

To start, I've been feeling markedly more aggressive. Mainly, I've been much more unpredictable and assertive with my older child. I normally pride myself on being very calm and reasonable. I've become a "Stop that right now" kind of mum - which I don't like being. I try hard to stay calm and nice, but then I get frustrated and use a petty unexpected punishment (you've been misbehaving - I'll take away your rocket fork then - cue confused tears).

More worrying, I get mental flashes of exaggerated 'cartoon' violence - chucking kids out of windows or banging their heads against the floor. I'm shocked by this. Never been violent to my children. Don't have 'a temper'.

I've had weird 'daymares'. I got a few straight after the birth, then a few recently. The weirdest ones were after the birth, when I had the impression of maggots in my food a couple of times (like a dream happening while I was awake - not like I'd confuse what was real and what wasn't). Recently it's been more like I'll imagine I've heard the baby cry - and when I go through he'd sound asleep.

I've not had an unbroken night sleep since the birth, and the recent patch started after three nights with basically no solid sleep.

I can see this is Not Good. Please save me from scaring myself silly by Googling! Don't want to talk to gp/hv. Has anyone else had similar? How worrying is it? Am I going mad? Am I likely to get mental health problems in the future?

You're not going mad! I think I went through something similar. Exhaustion and lack of sleep is a form of torture and bends your head. It is a common cause of PND. It is worth having a chat with your HV or GP about it as it is easy to treat and there is lots of support and help available if you are finding it difficult with 2 children. It also takes a while to get into a routine with a new baby.

Don't worry about future mental health probs - The horrible things that you are going through will ease up when you do feel a bit more rested. It is important though to talk to someone about it. All the professionals I have spoken to are quite used to women who feel like throwing their babies out of the window! They are also trained to recognise if this is likely!

exhaustion can lead to aggressive behaviour, increased frustration and it can also lead you to hullucinate.

If you are this exhausted is there any way to juggle things or get more support so you can get some rest? Maybe talk to your HV for organisations that can help give you a break (sure-start for example).

You sound exhausted and this can trigger off all the things you mention. Can you get someone to look after your DCs so you can have a really good night's sleep?

Yeah, this sounds like exhaustion to me. Given the 'symptoms' started at the same time as a run of bad sleep, I'm pretty sure that's the cause.

Doesn't mean it doesn't suck for you (and for your kids, tbh).

Can you cosleep with the little one, to get more sleep, if night feeds are the problem?

you know, I'm feeling better for writing it down. And for having people be nice. ( seems like no-ones reported me to social services yet!).

The weird thing is, I'm not currently super over-tired. It's more a case of long term exhaustion. It's like the psychosis is a mutant way of coping. I never had it this extreme with Dc1 - but I felt much worse iyswim.

I do get the odd couple of afternoons off a week. My partner is lovely - albeit busy and stressed himself.

Can I advise you to please talk your symptoms through with your Health Visitor or GP. In the end of the day, you need some help and support and they are best placed to offer this to you. It does indeed seem that you are probably very tired having two little ones to care for. However, one in ten woman do experience symptoms of post natal depression and an even smaller number can expereince another related condition called peurperal psychosis. Both of these conditions are easily treatable but only if that treatment is sought.
If nothing else but to allay your anxieties, do have a chat with someone so that you can put your mind at rest.
Best of uck.

oops , that should have read 'best of luck!'

I'm always much more ratty with my children when I'm tired - but it's been such a long time that I've been tired, I know I'd be a much nicer person with more sleep - havent had a good proper nights sleep now for about 8 months with dd3 and I am utterly exhausted pretty much all day. so I can sympathize. dh gets up with the girsl every weekend so I get a few more hours that way which makes a difference.
how ould is your baby?

It know you don't want to talk to dr or hv but I think it really might help. I was the same (still am really). Tired, irratable (sp?), just didn't feel like myself. I kept blowing up at my oldest for tiny little things that didn't really matter. I went to the GP and she diagnosed PND. I also felt like there was a permanent black cloud over me and was crying at the stupidest little things. I am not on AD's and although I'm not feeling 'myself' again yet I feel a lot better. Even if you've not got PND the dr/hv might be able to ive you some coping stratergies. I think I was in denial at first and didn't want to take the AD's but they are starting to help.