Warning - this may well be a pity party! I'm just so fed up and wondered if anyone in similar circumstances had any good advice or even just shoulder pats
I don't want to be too specific/outing but I have a degenerative disease which can affect pretty much anything physically. At the moment I'm struggling with general pain levels (and terrible tiredness) I also have worries about lung and eye issues which are being dealt with but are burbling at the back of my mind. Normally I am relentlessly positive (to keep myself sane!) but the holidays are causing me lots of guilt as I can't do anything, and on top of my own health worries I also have various worries about family members. None of which I can actually do anything about currently.
I do have good support from my medical team (under pain clinic, interventions etc) and practically there isn't much more they can do to address pain atm but I am seeing my consultant in two weeks anyway. Am medicated (up to eyeballs!) and usually it is well managed/controlled but the current flare up is getting me down. All I can do is lie in bed in a certain position. I'm so so tired and feel useless and guilty and just really fucking fed up.
Positives: DC are older (teens) and they do understand, the younger ones don't remember me being any different tbh (I just feel bad I'm not doing anything with them, we don't have any a lot of money but if I could just take them for coffee I would love to just do this). I do also have a lovely kind and supportive DH who I know would do anything to make me feel better if he could. And because they're all so lovely it makes me feel even worse and more of a useless burden!
I do feel like a burden, and a crap mother and crap wife and crap family member to the other people who really need my support atm. I have a couple of very good RL friends but for some reason I can't talk to them atm. I fucking hate moaning in RL.
I'm actually a really irritating Pollyanna glass half full type usually and this is unusual for me. I don't even really know what I'm expecting people to say here, maybe it'll just be worth it to get it off my chest?