I think my brother may be having a breakdown - really frightening..

[hellobello]

It's none of my business really, but I'm not coping very well under the shadow of a terrifying bullying and increasingly violent brother who is in absolute denial about his situation. He is married with stepchildren and a child of his own, and the relationship which has, as far as I have known, always been on dubious grounds. Now it's in freefall, and it reminds me of my own childhood, which was fraught with terror. It was so so black, and only started to be less terrifying when I was about 25. My head is spinning and it's as though the whole thing is starting up again, although time has passed and the darkness will lift. It is so so black and frightening. My father is in denial too and older and madder than ever.

Thank you for your note, Muminfife. Yes, it's horrible to see history repeating. I can only begin to understand why there was no support for me at all. There was nobody. I guess everyone thought that it was too difficult and best left to deal with within the family. I hope Social Services get involved if it continues. YOu can't have 2 nutters looking after (?) kids without professional help.

Sorry hello.
Is there any way you could be there for your nieces and nephews and your SIL in an attempt to prevent a repeat of what you went through?
Can you talk to your brother openly, or will he be too defensive.

We often repeat patterns laid down by our parents and without actively seeking to heal the family damage are more likely to do so.

I have spoken to my brother. He is more-or-less out of control and won't listen to anything. Everything is someone else's fault. I've heard it all before, and suggested a few years ago that he see someone from Relate. He agreed and did nothing about it. He said then that he didn't like the woman who he then got pregnant and then married. I frankly think she's a freak, and she's says very strange and rude things that leave me wondering if I've heard right. She has 4 or so kids from a previous marriage, all living in a tiny house. It is all unbearably sad, but my brother refuses to do anything about his situation. I really do not want him in my life if he is going to behave appallingly and nor do I want his freak-show adopted family for the same reason.

I rarely see him on purpose. Sadly I don't think we can go to my parents' house any longer as he always barges in and causes a scene. He's nearly 40 and uses my parents' house as his own. Perhaps that's how my parents like it, but it's no fun for anyone else. My dad is still a nutter, but behaves in front of my children and it's nice to see my mum. today I realised just how easy it is to recreate a situation - I could so easily fix it for my dh to bash me. I would rather create something positive. We have both been working really hard for that, and my brother has been a setback, a terrifying reminder of how grim DV is to live with.

Thank you for being there, MuminFife. I really appreciate what you're saying. It's not something I've actually talked about, even over 20+ years of therapy and eating probs and serious gloom. It's just whacked me in the face. It's really scary. It's been very lonely, and I'm so glad you're here.