WhatsGoingOnEh, we have a lot in common and I suspect that so do other posters who have similar experiences.
Like you, I've experienced separation, raising children on my own (parents abroad, ex incapable), company restructures and cuts, new jobs, having to bring the money in to keep a roof over my kids' head, meeting someone new, miscarriage, infertility, getting married, issues with the kids, issues with tenants...
I think people like us have gone through life in control of our lives. We are the women people look up to and say 'I don't know how you do it' and we look at this and think 'it's no big deal, I have no choice', and indeed, we manage brilliantly.... until our body and brain can't do it as it used to and because we don't listen, it sends us warnings, ie. panic attacks.
I had a few attacks and I don't even know that's what they were. They felt like seizures to me. My GP said they were panic attacks.
My periods started to go wonky after years of being regimented when I was 42. At the time, my fsh was also coming back normal. I think it did until one test decided that it was so high (90s!) that I hadn't just started it, I was completely on the over side!! In the end, this number doesn't mean much, the fact is that our body is changing, it can't cope as it used to, and it is letting us know one way or the other. It's all very well, but I still have to work FT, still have to bring in a good income, still have to support my kids, and be the peace maker in the household, like all of us I imagine.
We are so used to doing everything to satisfaction that we struggle not to put ourselves under the same pressure. I had three supervision sessions since my new job and my boss's words were 'relax, you are doing great, relax'. Yet I can't and it just takes just her saying a tiny remark and I'm convinced she thinks I'm not up to the job and she regrets her decision!
The big issue that comes into it too is sleep, that good old thing. I used to sleep like a baby, head on the pillow, read for 10 minutes, out until 7am waking up refresh and full of energy. Nowadays, sleep is someone I don't recognise. Sometimes they are nice, most of the time they tantalise me but either way, I have long forgotten what it is like to wake up refresh. Nowadays, I wake up so lightheaded, I need at least an hour before I can get going! In a stereotypical solution of the control freaks, I got myself a fitbit, and of course, I got my answer, as I suspect, my deep sleep is appalling, lucky to get 6%. My brain doesn't switch off at night any longer.
So that's that, learning to relax, easy to say, not so much to do because of being stuck in a vicious circle. I don't have the energy to do the things I would need to do and concentrate on to learn to relax so I can have more energy!
Still, I've discovered this week how much a long walk in nature, away from every day noises and bustle really helps. I used to run these routes, can't do it any longer and miss it, but walking and just listening to nature really seem to work wonders. It takes a good 15 minutes but I can feel my body relax and then my brain even switches off for a few seconds. With the nice days coming, I am going to trial going for a 10-15 mns walk just after work, and then again before bedtime and see if it helps. I walk to work and back some times, but it's the same for me because firstly the walk is on a busy road, and all i do is think of my day ahead. On the way back, I think of what I need to do in the evening and just want to rush home to collapse.
I've written an essay, sorry :( Would be so wonderful to hear from people who've made it to the other side (ideally without a huge overall of their lives!!)