Help me stop my DH from eating so much crap

[JoshandJamie]

My DH is 6 foot 5 and he has a big frame. But he has gone from 'carrying a little extra' to 'borderline obese'. In fact I reckon a doctor probably would tell him he's obese and very unhealthy.

But he just doesn't seem to care. In the past, he's kept his weight down with exercise - he's run three marathons. But the last one was in 2002 and he's done no exercise since.

Yesterday - as an example - he had about 6 or 8 slices of toast for breakfast, with about 4 cups of coffee. Lunch was an enormous pizza laden with salami, sausage and extra cheese. He ate biscuits in the afternoon. For dinner I made a chicken and veg casserole with a potato dauphinoise type topping (only without the cream) and served it with broccoli. The broc was the ONLY veg matter he consumed all day. Then for a late snack, he had three big wedges of soft squidgy white bread spread thickly with butter and jam. Oh and several G&Ts.

Today, he skipped breakfast and had a late brunch of two HUGE egg and bacon sandwiches. And he's just nipped into the kitchen and taken one of the (aging) easter eggs - a large cadbury's egg filled with chocolate buttons. And I just said to him: I assume you're not having lunch - and he said: I might have some ravioli later (i.e. a whole box of the fresh stuff).

When I try to point out that he needs to cut out the crap, eat less and eat more fruit/veg - he just gives me a look like I'm nagging. But I don't know how to make it clear that
a) he's putting his health at risk
b) he looks bloody unattractive with his enormous gut hanging over his trousers.

I love him dearly but need him to stop this eating. I do my best to not buy rubbish and try to cook healthy, GI diet based meals. But he just buys his own crap (his car is littered with crips bags and chocolate wrappers).

Help! I don't want to hurt his feelings but this is getting out of control.

Anyone? Surely I'm not alone in having a husband who eats too much!

Hi

Unfortunately there's not much you personally can do except maybe cook healthy meals and make sure there is no junk food in the house, replacing it with fruit, veg and salad stuff.
The problem is, if you put pressure on him to lose weight it may make him eat all the more.
I can sympathise and i understand your concerns but this is one area where your DH has to take responsibilty for his own health. Has his GP not given him the 'pep' talk?

My dh isn't like this, but I am similar - I'm overweight and a compulsive/binge eater.

You can't stop him. You've said yourself that even when you buy and cook healthy food he buys his own crap to eat - if he wants to keep eating this stuff, he will eat it regardless.

Overeating can come from complex causes and it's not always a case of "just stop eating", despite what the "eat less, move more" brigade would have us believe. Do you know why he stopped exercising? Is he depressed? Lack of interest in former hobbies, comfort eating, and not caring about yourself enough to look after your own body are all signs of depression.

All you can do is talk to him. Tell him that you're worried about him (although I'd hold back on telling him that you don't find him attractive; believe me, that would make things ten times worse) and ask him whether he realises how bad his diet has become. Tell him that you love him, you don't want to lose him, but you are worried about losing him if he continues to gain weight. Tell him about the health implications that obesity brings with it.

But - and here's the big problem for you - you can't force it. You can support him, but the problem is his and the desire to change it has to come from him. You can tell him what will happen if he continues to do this, you can tell him that he's risking his health, you can even tell him that he's risking his relationship with you, if that's how you feel, but you can't hold a gun against his head and you can't control the way he eats. That's his job.

First, though, I think you need to look at why he eats that way - whether it's simply greed, or if there is another reason such as depression. How you deal with it then depends on what the answer to that is.

Thanks both of you. Wigwambam - i don't think he's depressed but I think he just doesn't have time to exercise anymore and probably comfort eats when he's feeling stressed out. But it's now become a habit which seems to be gaining momentum.

I will speak to him about it - I've done it in the past raising the health issue, and he listens, but doesn't really change his habits. I've tried signing us up to joint exercise - like playing squash together - which he enjoys, but it's exhausting constantly being the one to chivvy him on.

Anyway, we're heading off for the holiday weekend now (which will involve lots of eating and drinking - so don't think I'll raise it till next week!)

Hello. I really sympathise with you on this one. My DH was very overweight and rarely ate veg. Both he and I cooked very healthy meals but he avoided the veg. He managed to be clinically obese by eating bread and inch thick butter inbetween meals with chunks of cheese and a few pints each night. Someone once said he should really not be eating fry ups. I felt so hurt, as we have NEVER had a fry up!!! His car was littered with donought and cream cake wrappers so there was some secret eating going on. He would look daggers at me when I made any comment whatsoever. I turned a blind eye as it began to get me down. We had the same problem with smoking but lo and behold he now has cancer and is as thin as a rake and his tastes have changed. No bread or butter and I am willing him to eat donoughts to put some weight on!! I feel a failure for not being able to help to be more healthy. He does need to really want to do it and then you can support him. I am very sad that I was not able to help him.

I could have written the same post as the original about my DH too. His car is littered with junk food rubbish too. The only meal I get any control of is dinner in the evening and even then he point blank refuses any veg except potatoes and peas. That would be the only fresh he has in a day mostly. Every now and then he decides he needs to lose a bit, takes himself off walking in his lunch hour and then eats a bit of fruit instead of junk for a few days but it never lasts beyond a week or two. He is a cancer survivor (over 16 yrs now) but it worries me he is at such a high risk of it in the future based upon his diet. I have yet to find an answer to this. I have ensured though that my kids eat plenty of fruit and veg from an early age. None of this attitude against eating it from them! More family meals in the future I think as they get older and maybe DH will feel pressured by the kids example!