since going through the menopause my mum is so different..

[quadrophenia]

and it really worries me. She has completely lost her zest for life, and is becoming incredibly emotionally dependent. She also complains alot of everything getting on top of her, but the simplest of organisational tasks seem to phase her.
I'm finding it incredibly hard as my mum is such a positive woman and although she does have other things happening in her life which worry her I'm at a loss as to how I can help.

I really feel for you, My Mum hit the menopause during my first pregnancy and it had a massive impact on her and our relationship. She didnt become emotionally dependant but was less capable of handleing situations that wouldnt have phased her previously. She did become very snappy and much less approachable which was very much out of character. 3yrs on and she has settled again now and I feel we are finally back to where we were. The worst of it only lasted a year (from my perspective) It has left me dreading the menopause myself though, and I am only 28!! I think when you look at the symptoms of the menopause its understandable how it can really knock people and I guess the individual reactions to it are all different...life's rich tapestry and all that jazz. What is she doing to manage the symptoms? Perhaps you could speak to your GP next time you are in and ask them how you can best handle the situation? Just a thought but I guess it depends on your relationship with your GP, wish I could say something more usefull, sorry! Lets pray they find a complete cure before it affects us! xXx

I've noticed the same with my mum. She's also totally phased by organisational tasks and cries alot, something will enter her head and it makes her cry. She's lucky that my dad is there and although as a typical male he's not sympathetic when anyone is ill, he atleast seems to take this crying thing seriously and can comfort her. I think she should get help but she won't admit there's a problem - do depressions occur after menopause?

I've been talking to my mum recently about this as I'm in the early stages of the menopause and she said she often used to cry for no apparent reason. I think the crying is just one of those things that can happen to some women but equally depression can and does occur during the menopause.

quadrophenia, maybe you could suggest some herbal/natural remedy? Mine won't go to GP but will have a go at that sort of thing, sort of calming/relaxation orientated ones?

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Would she go to the GP and get HRT?

I'm virtually fully menopausal at the moment and feel fabulous but then I do take HRT which probably counters all the crap side effects!

thanks ladies for all your responses. What many of you describe certainly sounds very similar to my mums situation.
I have spoken to her re HRT and due to some other medication she is on she can't take it, I mentioned to her this am about finding some herbal remedies but she didn't seem enthused. Which again is wierd because she has always been very pro alternative medicines. I will keep going at it though, I did actually ask her this morning if she thought the menopause was affecting her on an emtional level, and she just seems to think that she is having a rought time at the moment, which to be fair to a degree she is. That said its the inability to cope which worries me more than anything, the lack of drive and the complete negativity whch are so alien to my mum. Like you said Pruni it probably is very scary.

Ok, at risk of getting myself labelled as a weirdo after only being on here for less than 24hrs I am going to suggest Reiki,my MIL is a qualified teacher and has treated me(for IBS, not the dreaded menopause)I nthen trained in it myself, so I am a real convert! Think it could be really helpfull from both a physical and emotional perspective. I know people it has really helped but its not for everyone, so only worth a shot if she is up for it.