A question about childbirth injuries

[caketree93]

Just to preface this, I am a 24 year old girl and I'm not planning on having any children in the near future but probably one day and I'm after coming across a bunch of articles on childbirth injuries like tears etc that I had never even dreamed would be possible or so prevalent. I hope my questions don't seem too insensitive, but I'm slightly horrified at the prospect of ever having kids after reading this stuff.

My question is, if you end up with some really bad injury in childbirth, how do you manage to not resent your baby enormously? My worst fear is having a baby and then for some reason just completely hating the baby...does that happen to people? What do they do?

I don't think you should worry too much about it just now really. With my first baby she was born hand first and I had a very nasty tear up the way. It healed and although it's never felt the same it hasn't hampered my sex life. I utterly adore my children, I went on to have another 3! At 24 I never wanted children at all, I was happy with my cats!

My next two were born at home no tears, the last one I tore down the way into my bottom but again all healed (I know I'm lucky). The actual birth is such a tiny part of being a mother as well.

The birth isn't a tiny part, and even if it were, injuries resulting from birth can change your life permanently.

OP, I don't think I've known anyone who blamed their child. My first child had the most difficult birth. It was more as if we'd both been through a car crash and were recovering together.

Not all that reassuring I know, but if you choose to have a child you are likely to find you make the necessary adjustments and end up loving her or him more than you'd think possible!

1st child I tore all the way to bottom and sort of hook around the anus (only classed as 2nd degree tear as it didnt go into anus...sorry tmi)

2nd I tore sideways.

both times I healed fine, no problems. Yes it hurt to go to the toilet after, but my friend who only had a graze no tear said it stung like crazy so either way...tear or no tear its going to sting.

NEVER have I resented my children. NEVER have I regretted them, or blamed them or hated them (even a tiny bit)

please don't worry. Reassure yourself that many people have siblings - if it really were that bad with such life changing effects, noone would have another!
The maternal bond is very strong. Most would do anything for their baby!

My question is, if you end up with some really bad injury in childbirth, how do you manage to not resent your baby enormously?

Because it’s not the baby’s fault. It’s the consequence of a choice made by the mother - to be pregnant and give birth - so the ‘blame’ lies with the mother. This is also why the decision to be and stay pregnant should always be the woman’s and only the woman’s.

I have a potentially permanent health condition as a consequence of my second pregnancy. That’s entirely the result of the choice I made. It sucks, but there’s nothing to resent my son for.