Am I going mad?

[algreaves1987]

Ladies please help me!

I'm going mad. I'm constant worried about my health. I honestly feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.

Background: I'm 30, overweight (18stone), smoker and fairly inactive. I've always had a problem with food. I simply eat too much. I do eat fruit and vegetables but also sugared foods as well. About 4 years ago I woke up one night and it felt like a tight band around my chest. The pain was excruciating. After ten minutes it had not gone away so I woke my partner up and he drove me to AnE. I had an ECG, chest x-ray, bloods the full works. They found nothing wrong with me. After about 4 hours the pain went away and they let me go home. The consultant thought it was a bad muscle cramp. I had a job working at the hospital as a ward clerk and was averagely active. I was approximately 15 stone and smoked. 2 years 7 months ago I became pregnant. I started worrying about my blood pressure when at an appointment I was asked if I preferred a c section or natural birth. I thought about the use of general anesthetic on someone like me and the implications. I worried constantly, but throughout my pregnancy my BP was perfect. Due to other complications I had to have a c section, with an epidural. I was shaking so much and paranoid that my BP dropped and I died. I woke up around 5 hours later feeling groggy but better than I thought I would considering. I had severe anemia post pregnancy (and during) so I became inactive. The iron tablets literally clogged me up so using the toilet was not happening and the remedies the GP gave me didn't work.

Then started having chest pain, tingling fingers and foul tastes in my mouth in October last year. The GP gave me an ECG in April, again normal. I went back in October this year as the symptoms we're not improving and I was starting not to sleep at all from fear of not waking up. A young, new GP had a feel of my tummy and near where my oesphagus connects to my stomach and said it was inflamed. He thought I had gastritus. So he gave me omneprazole. It did ease most of the symptoms and I've stopped eating so much. He said stop smoking and eat a healthy diet and you'll find things will improve as I can't take these tablets forever if the problem was gastritus. He said if it doesn't improve then I will need a gastroscopy and an endoscopy to see what the problem is. I managed to get more tablets in November to tied me over. These have long gone and I did wean myself off them as advised.

I'm not getting the symptoms as regularly, but I do still get them. Ive stopped drinking fizzy drink (zero not full fat -dont like taste) and moved onto squash (no added sugar). I know I need to fully give up smoking I have cut down dramatically and am working hard to get to that. As I said I'm eating less but I do need to incorporate better choices more often but eating has improved.

Sadly my brain is tormenting me. I know I'm at higher risk for heart attack due to the state I have got myself into. I keep thinking all that crap I ate and smoked and drank (not alcohol, very rarely drink) has hardened fat in my arteries and it doesn't matter what I do I'm going to have a heart attack. I feel like a whinny two year old writing this and stupid for letting my paranoia get the better of me but I guess some reassurance and maybe tough love from you guys will help. My husband says I'm stupid then shrugs it off. It also doesn't help he's working away so after our daughter has gone to bed I'm alone with my not so happy thoughts.

I know I'm stupid and being pathetic but any techniques anyone can give me for retraining my brain or to help with this would be so helpful

Thanks for reading my essay ladies. I'm sorry to complain so much when I know some of you have it tougher than I do.

Ax

Not pathetic, certainly not stupid! You sound so anxious that that in itself must be contributing to the symptoms - it sounds like you are in a vicious cycle of worry causing symptoms that then make you more worried!

Unless you have some sort of striking family history that you haven't mentioned then your current risk of heart attack will still low because of your age. The problem is more that your lifestyle is sowing the seeds for cardiovascular disease that may put you at risk of a heart attack further down the line.

The changes in your eating and cutting down on smoking are great first steps, but you perhaps need some help to take it further.

In your position I would recommend explaining to the GP that you have three problems:

1. The actual symptoms in your chest. Talk about the previous omeprazole and that that had helped somewhat (on that note, cutting out caffeine and spicy foods may also help), and the mention of an endoscopy from the previous GP.

2. The crippling anxiety around having a heart attack. A good GP will be able to explore that with you and help. The temptation is to play this down "I've been a little bit worried about...". Don't though, they need to know what effect this is having on your day to day life.

3. That you are finding diet/smoking/exercise tricky.

I'd explain to the receptionist that it's not a simple problem and could you please book a double appointment. There's a fair bit to talk about but it's all linked so really needs to be covered in one session.

The above answer seems pretty good. Your symptoms and behaviour sound a lot like my mum's, she got her first heart attack at 39, and died of her third at age 51. I think you could benefit from following the previous poster's advice, one, two, three.

How are you doing today algreaves1987?

It sounds as though you are suffering from health anxiety. I have this too and it can really take over your life. You need some help both to make physical changes but also to cope with your anxious thought patterns. There are lots of self help books out there along with counselling that can really make a difference. You should talk to your doctor about your worries and how they are affecting you.

Thank you ladies, I'm generally feeling rubbish.

Health worries are horrible as can be the fear of the unknown. You have had some sound advice from the medics and all you can do now is follow them.
Be kind to yourself. Life can be very hard and we all need help and guidance sometimes. Daily positive steps, however small will eventually help with the bigger picture of getting yourself to a healthier place.
You do not sound ridiculous at all.