eating disorder

[nikcola]

before i had dd i ws a size 10 and 9 stone im now a size 20 and 15 stone im crying whilst seeing this in black and white,

when i was pg with dd i was working for my dad and i took my maternity leave v early so i sat on my arse all day eating, im so unhappy with the way i look i found some of my old tousers this morning and that started me off so as normal i went to the fridge and started eating , ive had lots of problems in my life and eating has allways made mw feel betted till after ive finished and feel like a fat dirty pig im so ashamed of myself, im getting my life together in other ways but this problem is still in the way i have never mentioned it on mn before because im discuseted with myself

im not ugly i actualy am quite proud of myself for all the shit ive gone through at my age and survived, but food seams to rule my life,

i dont sit down and eat huge dinners actually i hardly ever eat a meal i just pick all day long i dont even taste what im eating i just eat it someone plaese help me im very ashamed of writing this

ive just read this and now fell very ashamed

Have you thought about weightwatchers or slimming world? there is a separate topic on here too about dieting. I know how it feels - when I'm bored I pig out too

i tryed ww and i went once i was too embarased,

Please don't feel ashamed - Have you thought about the slimming club on here I find it very helpful - Will try and post later

nickola you must not give yourself such a hard time - self hatred is the worst thing. You are not alone and there are many other people who would like to lose weight. The best way is with friends/support - weightwatchers etc are brilliant and it can become a real social highpoint of the week.Could you look into it? also, what arethe triggers for over eating? maybe you could but different types of food so that even if you snack it is not such unhealthy stuff.You don;t need to have a size 10 body either - be realistic.Best of luck xxx

nickola, you are a great woman, doing a brilliant job of looking after your dd.

Your life is starting to get better...after all the crap you have had to deal with, you are still standing. And soon you will be standing stronger than ever.

I joined an online slimming club which i felt was a step in the right direction.

You sound like you have low self esteem. Are you starting college soon? i think things will change then, as a).you wont be able to pick at food all day and b.)you will make a whole new bunch of friends.

I know what its like to feel uncomfortable with your weight etc as i have battled with eating disorders since i was 9 (now 23) It is tough to learn to love the way you are when really deep down you feel disgusting. I went through the phase of 'how can anyone ever love someone like me'

I hope things get better for you soon. You can contact me if you think it would help to talk.

Take care x x

yeh i allways snack on junck food i fell happy when im eating it till afterward then i feel like crap

Nicola it shouldn;t matter honey - it sure doesn;t to anyone else - I had you down as some young beautiful clever chick and didn't even think about what size you were.

Can you go tot he doctors - they should be abel to help you at least with a diet sheet and you may get help with finance to join a gyn or something like that.

What about SW or WW otherwise??

thank you,
i cant afford sw or ww and i hate my doctor, i think i just need to be told what to eat and when to eat it and your right when i start collage i wont have time to pick, but what hurts the most is i had so many friends before i had dd and no they dont want to no maybee they are ashmed to be seen with me x

well if they really think that then they are not worhty of your friendship....i am sure you will meet some new friends at college and believe that this will help you

Dear nikcola, I've just spent 20 minutes writing a long response to you but my pc crashed and I've lost it all. I need you to know that I'm in the same situation as you. I eat compulsively too. I know what it is to feel you are not worth treating any better than this. You (and I) are though. I've just started getting help in the form of a cousellor and I have contacted these people who helped me understand a bit more about why I do this. I'll try the link again and hopefully it won't crash.
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You may feel like you are the only person who feels like this but you aren't. I'm with you too and I'm reliably informed that it is far more common than anyone would imagine. Don't hate yourself. You are a fantastic woman who is stronger than you think. Much love and big hugs. xxx

When I feel like picking I try to have a drink of water or squash sometimes dehydration make us pick otherwise it is bordeom so I try an do somthing else If I feel weak willed then I don't buy junk food or fillup the fridge I buy what we will need for tea and taht is it . I have also realuised that when I feel down I pick at leftovers or chocolate or biscuits without even knowing - by being aware I can control this although after 16 years soem of taht time a size 6/8 now more I realise I must eat sensible or dd may pick up on my bad habits and that helps give me teh strength to be more sensible with my eating patterns

nikcola - i've got quite a few of the booklets/cookbooks from weightwatchers - if you think they are helpful, you can CAT me or mail me @[email protected]. In my experience WW is good not because it is a brill diet in itself, but because it makes you more aware of what you eat, so stops you eating just for the sake of it. Also if you don't eat breakfast, then your blood sugar gets too low, making you desperate to eat any old junk during the day - have you tried eating porridge for breakfast - that really, really fills you up, so you don't want to eat loads of crisps, biscuits, choccies etc. There are loads of british women above a size 16 - I think at least 50% so it is nothing to be ashamed of. I agree that when you are at college you will be too busy to eat - though you'll have to watch out when you are on the wards for nice patients who leave you choccies . I go thru phases where if I eat one biscuit, I know I will literally eat the whole packet, so try and avoid even having them in the house, so I know what its like - don't be ashamed.When you are at home with a lo it is so easy to have chocolate/junk food - its the quickest and easiest vice to indulge(!) Do any of your old friends have babies = just that people without kids just don't understand what it is like and that is more likely a reason why you have grown apart, than your appearance.

Take care

oops what I meant in the first line was if you think you would find them helpful....(the WW cookbooks etc)

Hi Nikcola, How are you feeling today?

hi, i fell ok today had a bit of a shit day (had to go into hospital this mornin) so today i have eaten like a pig i had a cuppa and half a packet of buiscuits maybee we should help each other xx

I joined you in the biscuits. Sorry to hear you've had a shit one. Don't beat yourself up for it though. Been feling really tired lately. I just want to eat all the time. I spent all afternoon the other day eating everything I could find and then dh came home and I had to eat a normal meal with him as well. I felt so sick and guilty. And foolish for trying to cover up. I know I should have just said I couldn't eat my meal rather than make myself ill but the secret thing just kicks in before you know what you're doing! As you can see, I'm by no means in control of my problem, but I want to be. Would love to talk. Do email if you'd rather. Take care.

hi nikcola - hope you are feeling better after your visit to the hospital - did you have an op today? looking on the bright side, 1)you were under loads of stress today, which is never exactly a good time to start a diet 2)at least you didn't eat the whole packet!

hope you get plenty for rest

thank you both you can email me if you like [email protected]

yeh i had the opp today i feel better though just nackered and i no i need to eat to keep my strernth up but i feel so guilty

Nickola, I'm a compulsive eater as well and it's not easy to stop myself from eating the full fridge once I have opened it. I have found that I can't eat what I don't have so I don't buy more crisps, cookies, etc (though sometimes I steal from DS ).

Have found recently that having a diet helps me to keep the fridge close as I respect more the no eating between meals rule, and if I can, I try to snack with apples, oranges or cucumber with lime which are not fattening at all. (Boring I know but that's the price isn't it?)

It also really helps if you write down what you eat (that's how I have realised I could eat a full box of cookies in a day)

It is not easy, but one step at the time can make all the difference. You can start by removing a fattening thing from your diet every week and soon you will see the difference.

Just read you have the OP today, wish you feel better soon, have a good rest.

Chandra

nikola sorry havent read all the threads but have you seen you doctor for clinical depresion if not i would with clinical depresion (i should know dp has it) you cling for a life line ie food its the brains way of trying to take your mind of things but after wards you crash which makes you feel worse sorry to be nasty butis one of the foods you pigout on choclate by any chance because there is a chemical in chocolate that give the temp buzz and if you have gone through alot in your life it does seem possible thatit is depresion which would be help by medication at fist with counciling and once that got routine the start worrying about your diet you will find aalot of things will fall into place but it does take time and do you have a good support group around you because at the lowest points it is good to have people you can call and just say i realy eed to talk
hope your feeling better soon and if you ever need to chat im here on mumsnett or you can email me and i will email you with my hotmail addy for a proper chat

thank you, and yes your right lat night i eat 2 flakes and a huge bag of maulteasers and i dont even no why i eat then x
i will try writeing down what i eat in a day but im scared of seeing the amount that i eat x

nikcola =- u are going thru such a stressful time atm and your hormones will be all over the place so no wonder you are having loads of chocolate. the advantage of writing down what you eat and knowing how much you eat is that you will be able to see improvements more easily - because sometimes if you feel down because you think you have eaten too much junk, you end up eating more junk to console yourself, but if you can compare it to other days and see that you are improving, then you will feel less down, and not eat just because you feel down about eating IYSWIM

Hugs Nikcola {{{{}}}}. If it would help at all I have the Weight Watchers points in Excel that I could send you (Hulababy has them in other formats if you don't have Excel on your computer), there are loads of Mumsnetters doing WW who could give you advice and help with it. Also we're all here to help at Mumsnet Mamas, just mail me at mn.bigmamas(at)virgin(dot)net.