is there a carers thread on here anywhere?

[fostermum]

as a carer for my parents as well as helping charlee with jack is there a place where i can scream sometimes?

There is a carers section - doesn't get used much though. It is really tough caring for your own parents as well as your children. Do you have any support from social services or NHS? As long as you appear to be coping, you just get left to get on with it IME.

There is a carers board on mumsnet under "other stuff"

Also Carers.org and Carersuk.org both have their own forums.

The Princess Royal Trust for Carers (carers.org) have carers centres all over the country, which are there to give advise and help.

unfortunatly my parents dont want outsiders to help, dad is terminally ill,and mum has alzimers,so she gets upset by people coming to the house,

Oh dear - that is an awful situation. My mum is the same - cannot cope with carers coming in, it confuses her and distresses her. But dad needs 24/7 care and eventually had to opt for residential care for him because their needs were so different and totally incompatible. Would your dad consider hospice care?

dads wants to die at home and he hasnt got long so i feel its best to have him here,hes on morphine and oxagin 24/7 but he can be very demanding,mum wanders all night so as well as being up to change dads drips ect i have to get mum back to bed, i just feel so guilty because im finding it hard to cope, ive had two heart operations and need another but cant have it done yet and now with my baby grandson jack being in hospital with c.f im exhausted, also im trying to help my eldest daughter arrange her wedding theres just not enough hours in the day some days

Have you got MacMillan nurse/Marie Curie Nurse? You really need someone to sit with dad in a separate room, where mum cannot see them. I know it sounds harsh, but dd might have to manage without much input from you - I organised my own wedding because parents were 3 hundred miles away and unable to help or travel because of various health probs. Have you got a good GP and Social worker? You can't carry on like this - your health will break down. Believe me, I know. You must ask for help because you are in an impossible situation - don't feel guilty.

The carers centres won't provide carers for you but are there for advice ie financial and a shoulder to cry on.

Do you know that both your parents are entitled to an individual assessment of their needs, and that you are entitled to a carer's assessment? This is not widely known, because it results in your needs being recognised It seems to be social services who are in control of all of this, and TBH it does take an awful lot of form filling and meetings to get things done, but if you can get a good social worker who knows what they are doing, they can be a godsend.

Once the social worker can write something to the effect that you as the carer can no longer manage the workload, they have to offer help.

Why on earth are you having to get up in the night to change your dad's drips etc? You should at least be entitled to a night carer who is appropriately trained, if you are the sole carer during the day.

Please contact social services and ask for a comprehensive assessment - otherwise they will assume you are coping, and what will happen if you go under?

Believe me I know all this from personal experience. There must be some social workers or community care people around who could give you advice. Maybe you caould start a new thread calling all social workers?

just wanted to say hello.ive been caring for my mil who had a stroke a few months ago.shes gradually getting better now but i just wanted to say its such hard work and you sound like youre doing a good job.after a few weeks of doing 24 hour care for my mil (who wasnt able to move and became incontanent)and looking after 3 young children,a group from social services were called in to help.they now go in 4 times a day,i go in once a day on normal days,twice on tuesday to do cleaning and twice on thursday to top up her pill pots and i do her cooking and freeze it for the carers.as i said shes getting lots better but i think this is thanks to all the help the social services gave us-lending equipment,assessments,physio etc.

we have a brilliant g.p hes always trying to arrange things for us,unfortunatly dad has turned all out side help down as it unsettles mum so much haveing strangers in the house,we do get a carer to wash dad in the mornings but they can only do certain things like they are not allowed to give meds,or cut nails, or wash hair,ect because of health and safty or something, we cant have anyone at night as dads beds in the lounge due to all the machinery keeping him going and a night helper has to have a seperate room to rest in,
we had fun last week as dads oxagan bottles got low and when we ordered some they said he couldnt have them as they where short of bottles, he cant breath with out them but they made him eek it out till monday!things like this make life hard as he gets angery and frustrated and im his whipping boy so to speak grrrrr

Oh dear - it all sounds depressimgly familiar fostermum. I am so sorry. I know how impossible it seems. Is there any area of your life where some outside support would help? Just so you could have an occasional rest or a break?

fostermum,its pants isnt it!long lists of what they cant do.as for not getting meds in time-it makes me so cross.if mil didnt have her meds and got ill it would be my fault but i cant give them to her if i cant get them!!!