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I went away for over a week - 19m DS now in a real mess... please help :-(

11 replies

Jackaroo · 12/04/2007 11:40

So, I did my trek for charity, came back to a very happy DS and DH - they'd had a whale of a time (is it that kind of whale?)...
First couple of days back, no problem at all. Suddenly, brought on I think by a bit of teething, my secure, content, eats everything, sleeps well little boy is now easily inconsolable.
He's fine most of the time, but there are specific time when he is just beside himself. 1 - I can hear him during hte night crying in his sleep and saying "mummy, mummy" to himself. 2 - He hates going to sleep now, and screams and sobs, and will only go to sleep in my arms.. previously very good self settler, and DH did most bedtimes... 3 - After several difficult mornings (both when at home and the days I work) he was literally dragging my trousers off me as I was trying to put them on, and sobbed as I put my shoes on. When I asked him what he wanted to do he indicated that he wanted to sit on my lap on the sofa and watch TV.Many more smaller examples, but he's then really fine when out and about, and trotting off to nursery happy on those two days a week....

Any, all advice gratefully received. I feel like the world's worst mother all over again (just out of a long period of PND)... and at my wits end. I just want him to feel safe again.

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BandofMothers · 12/04/2007 11:46

He is just making sure you're not going again. They often don't realise you've been gone until you get back and then they cling. He will soon start to realise that you're not going again, but it may take some time.
Look at it as him just wanting to reassure himself that you're not leaving again. He just loves you so much.
Don't let it depress you.

BandofMothers · 12/04/2007 11:47

Remember a week is a LONG time for a child that age. Almost an eternity, and they have NO concept that you are coming back.

Jackaroo · 12/04/2007 11:56

I think it was the fact that he was fine for a while that lulled me into thinking we'd got away with it .... I do realise why it's happening, but I'm wondering whether I should go as far as taking time off work and take him out of nursery and just spend loads of time with him for a few days - what to you think, would something like that help, or just confuse him further? He loves nursery, and i am better (less neurotic!) for having been at work.. but if it helps...

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mumto3girls · 12/04/2007 11:57

I would just stick to his normal routine if I were you - any deviation may cause him more concern rather than less iykwim...

Just give him lots of time when you are with him...

amidaiwish · 12/04/2007 12:00

my DH travels a lot to the US for work, away 5-6 days at a time
DD2 is 18m and for the first couple of days she is fine
then she starts to look for him, looking in our bed in the morning, saying Daddy when she wakes in the night (has never slept thru but that's a whole other thread!)
and then by day 4 she has to have the photos off the wall of him.

When he gets home, she hates him leaving the house for a few days.

They are quite clingy yet resilient at this age and the fact that he goes to nursery happily means that it is just superficial imo. He'll be fine, just give him lots of cuddles, the food/sleep disruption is probably more down to teething.

amidaiwish · 12/04/2007 12:02

i would def stick to the normal routine too.
essential for him to know that things haven't changed.

BandofMothers · 12/04/2007 12:06

Yes, stick to normal routine as you will go back to it and it will all start again. Just give him time.

Jackaroo · 12/04/2007 12:16

god this place is amazing - thank you so much. Amidaiwish, it is such a relief to hear such a similar reaction from your little one... and makes me grateful all over again that I gave up my job that involved going to the US a lot!! I can't do this again any time soon...

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Londonmamma · 12/04/2007 12:21

Hang in there - this WILL pass, I promise. Lots of hugs and reassurance, don't ask him what he wants - he doesn't know! Do not look worried or upset in front of him, look happy and confident and he is more likely to mirror you.

Jackaroo · 12/04/2007 12:28

You're so right, Londonmamma, that has been my mantra since the PND set in (I know he'll have to see me cry one day, but it doesn't have to be now!)... I'm convinced it's one of the reasons he's such a happy child generally (that and being breastfed anti-d's perhaps?) I'm doing all those things, but barely keeping it together. These posts have given me renewed incentive.

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amidaiwish · 12/04/2007 12:34

glad it has helped you.
my DH is off again on sunday

DD1 (3) isn't bothered at all despite being a complete daddy's girl. she just understands, Daddy is in america, home on Friday. When's Friday? (4 more bedtimes...)

so it will get better!

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