Feeling very sorry for myself..

[Therewere5inthebed]

I'm 44 and due to a dodgy decision by a surgeon 8 yrs ago I ended up needing a total knee replacement last summer.

I recovered well but over the last month my knee has been tight and really painful, nobredness or heat but swollen and keeping me awake at night.

Following an appointment with the Consultant yesterday I'm in bits, he's told me he's 99% sure I need a total revision as the lower part of the joint has de-bonded.

I've got to go for a bone scan to confirm and have had bloods taken to rule out infection but won't know for sure for 7 weeks.

I've only just recovered from the last one both physically and financially (self employed) and I'm so worried about the whole thing that I can't seem to deal with one thing at a time.

I know the hospital stay will be longer and is likely to be a month after my eldest leaves for Uni, she was my rock last year and the thought of her not being there worries me too.

Sorry for the waffle but I'm just one big bunch of worry.. I know it's not terminal and I should be grateful for that but self pity levels are at an all time high.

Sorry to hear you're in pain, nothing worse than being kept awake at night. 7 weeks seems like such a long time too when you're in pain

Maybe your DD can come home for one weekend during uni to visit and cheer you up? I would for my Mum definitely!

Op that's awful, my df just had a tkr a few mths ago and the post op pain and regaining mobility was such hard work, I dread to think how demoralising it would be to have to do it all again.

From my own experience and extensive surgery for cancer all I can say is you think you're at your limit and you can't cope with anything more but you can and will. It will be daunting but just grit your teeth, get all the things in place to help post op recovery..books, ready meals, heat packs and keep telling yourself you can do it. Good luck and

Thank you for your replies, although the pain post op is a major factor as it was bloody horrific, I'm dreading the whole thing because my DH is terrible with illness, he doesn't cope well with routine changes (I'm positive he's on the spectrum) and was worse than useless last time, if I'm honest it really changed the way I thought of him and made me doubt our relationship going forward, so the thought of going through that again is worrying me as much as the procedure and recovery itself.

My DD's (17 & 8) held everything together for me and that made me feel very bitter towards him. I'm always very supportive with everything he does and to have it not reciprocated when I needed it most was really hurtful.

I'm not sure the relationship would survive another episode like that quite so soon.

I'm very concerned financially too as our finances are totally separate and being self employed and having used all of my savings plus cc's to keep my head above water last time I'm not even back on an even keel yet so three months plus with no income is terrifying too.

The whole thing just seems insurmountable and no matter how much I tell myself that ultimately it's not fatal, and it will get better in time I can't help the extreme self pity.. I need a bloody good shake but seem unable to do it.

I know my DD will come home when she can but she will be in her first few months living independently and is not likely to be close to home.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had a really tough time of things Myrtle I hope you've recovered now and life is being rather kinder too you?
Thanks for the flowers and gin.. I have a feeling I'll be needing to stock up over the coming weeks.

I'm fairly strong usually but this seemed to come as a bolt from the blue and I can't seem to get a plan of action in place. I'm struggling not to cry whenever I think of it all at the moment and that's not like me at all. Maybe in a few days I'll be able to get my head around it all.