Smear test - terrified

[AllIWant8]

I'm 32 and have never had a smear test. I know I should have and my GP practice mention it to me every time I go there but I've always put it off. Fast forward to now and I've found a lump. I don't know how long it's been there but now I know it's there it's worrying me. I know I should get it checked out but the very thought makes me feel sick and shake with fear.

Just to not drip feed I suffered an assault when I was a teenager which has drastically affected my mental health. I have huge issues with physical contact with anyone other than my DC. I am absolutely petrified of the test. Someone else touching me has the potential to cause flashbacks, a serious depressive episode or even worse. I know it's their job, they've seen thousands of women and that they aren't trying to hurt me but I just can't get passed the fear.

How do I do it? Has anyone ever been through something similar? If so how did you cope? I had a general anaesthetic earlier in the year and asked them to do it then but they refused.

I'm so stressed out by this I just don't know how to move forwards.

Have you had counselling for this assault?
CBT? You need to talk to your GP and explain and get help.

If you have a child, you have had sex since the attack (I assume) so how is that working for you?

Some women find if they explain to the nurse or dr, they allow you to take control- help them insert the speculum and go really gently and slowly.

I've had a lot of counselling and other therapies plus was medicated until I had DC. I did go through a period when things were better but for the last few months things have declined.

I'm back on the waiting list for more therapy but just wondered if there was a way I could make it easier to do beforehand.

Oh gosh, I'm sorry you're in this position but you're definitely doing the right thing by going to get checked.

Perhaps you could try writing down the 'best case scenario' of how you would like the procedure to go, i.e. Do you want the nurse or Dr to walk you through every step, or would you prefer they didn't talk at all while touching you, etc etc. You could also list certain things that would be extremely difficult for you so they can avoid those actions too.

If you explain your situation to the GP practice, you could also perhaps ask for a double length appointment so you have time to talk with the nurse (or Dr) first, and it will help things seem less rushed and stressful, and you can use that time to come up with a plan together to make the experience as stress free as possible.

Well done for being brave though, think how much less anxious you will feel in general when you get the all clear :)

I've phoned and booked a double appointment, just have to try and not chicken out now. There isn't really anyway they can make it easier for me unless I don't remember anything about it afterwards but that isn't likely.

I hate that I can't control this fear.

But you've booked the appointment which means you are controlling your fear. Maybe not quite to the level you would like, but that takes time and practice.
Remember to praise and reward yourself for the things you have achieved rather than beating yourself up for the things you haven't!

I really hope it all goes well for you and that your GP works with you to make this a little easier. Please let us know how you get on, I'm rooting for you!!

Thank you for the support. It always seems easier to beat myself up rather than praise myself!

The appointment isn't until the end of next week but I will come back and update you.

Well done you for making the appointment.

Glad you've made the appointment. Sorry to learn about the unhappy events in the past. It's so unfair that this happened to you and totally not your fault. Now you are working really hard to conquer it and control it. Well done, you are great. Keep talking to us!

I don't know if anyone's around still but just thought I'd update. I did it, it was horrible and I cried from the moment I stepped in the room.

Feeling very low this evening and not quite right. It just brings so many bad feelings back for me.

At least it's done though I guess. Fingers crossed that the results are all ok as I don't want to do it again.

Aw, love.
You were brave to go.
Did they allow you to 'control' it- insert the speculum yourself etc?
If not, something to think of for next time.

Proud of you for going well done.

Fair play to you for going. You controlled your fear. You did the right thing for you and your health despite it.
You shoukd be proud of yourself

I couldn't do anything to help really, I was shaking too much. The nurse was lovely though and very patient with me.

After a rough night I'm feeling calmer this morning. Thank you for all your kind messages.

Speak to the nurse beforehand and tell her your background and concerns. The staff are great

You should be very proud of yourself. Really well done! Was it as bad as you thought? Glad you got a lovely nurse.

It was pretty awful to be honest but I suppose it could have been worse. Hopefully tonight will be a better night sleep, part of my PTSD is flashbacks and anything triggering like this ramps them up for a while.

Well done for going. I hope this post has helped others who might also be scared to go see how brave people can be

AllIWant8 - massive congratulations for going and for sticking it out even though it was so horrible for you.

As others have said, you should be so so so proud of yourself! And like I said before - make sure you reward yourself for the things you have achieved. Is there something nice you've had your eye on in the shops? Or maybe been fancying a nice meal out with friends? Because now is the time to treat yourself :)

Also try to remember this experience for the future - sure it sucked and was really difficult, but you did it anyway!!! You are capable of much more than you think