DH taking family member's prescription painkillers

[SnowInNovember]

DH is pretty much always ill - no exaggeration, there's always something the matter with him every day, whether it's a headache, feeling dizzy, stomach pains (he does have IBS), backache... I've forgotten what it's like for him to be completely well. Problem is, he 'borrows' a family members prescription painkillers (tramadol) which he takes as well as his prescription paracetamol/codeine when there's a problem.

I've worked in healthcare and know tramadol isn't something thats just dished out, it's a controlled drug! Problem is DH has a really high BMI and says normal painkillers don't work/aren't enough for him despite his GP telling him only paracetamol is safe for him (he said this when we asked if he could take something stronger, at the time DH wasn't taking tramadol).

He's not addicted to meds, he takes them say once or twice a day and needs to be reminded to take them when he's ill (he will often just sit there and complain). I will offer him paracetamol then he gets up and takes the other stuff :(

I'm sure a lot of his problems are weight related as is the GP, he also has problems with anxiety and despression which he has counselling for, but has no motivation/willpower to do anything about his weight despite us having a new baby. I'm so worried he's going to have further complications and am terrified he'll end up having a heart attack or something.., I couldn't bear the thought of losing him or my daughter growing up without her daddy, he's a wonderful dad. I can't tell him that though as he has a huge fear of dying and won't even talk about things like that, and his self esteem is low so if I do bring his health up he sees me as having a go at him and not loving him, even though it's the opposite. Does anyone have any advice?

I take tramadol for a back injury. It is very strong. It is also a controlled drug as you know. If your DH gets caught he will be in big trouble. If he will not listen to the health implications of taking tramadol that isn't prescribed for him would he consider the legal ramifications? Also tramadol is physically addictive so any sudden stop will probably cause withdrawal symptoms.

I mean this in the kindest possible way but I also think you need to stop pussy footing around him. Its not helping him in the long run.

Very difficult when you can't talk to him.

Did you mean to say he's taking these every day? He'll already be addicted to the codeine, which is a nightmare to come off on its own.

I'm not sure what you can do though, the majority of his pain would go if he lost weight, but he won't, and you can't talk about it, so where does that leave you?

I'm afraid I'd be being cruel to be kind at this point, and telling him exactly how i felt about his selfishness.

I take the same pain killers as your OH... not all the time but when I'm in a lot of pain. I get severe ovulation pain which leaves me pretty much unable to move.

They are my mums it's not every day but a few times a month.

I know it's wrong but it's not like I'm going to a drug dealer and 'scoring'

I wouldn't condone him using drugs that aren't his EVERY DAY.

So he has absolutely no diagnosed pain issue other than IBS?

Yet he takes a cocktail of strong drugs every day?

And you think he's not an addict??!

He pretty much takes all these every other day/a few times a week... I only say I don't think he's addicted because he can't be bothered to get up and take anything half the time, and would assume if addicted would be more inclined to do so.

The more I try to be firm with him, the more the family think I'm being a horrible cow to 'my poor DH in so much pain'. I'm very intolerant to pain myself but don't think a persistent but minor headache warrants prescribed controlled drugs! They can't see the damage his weight and this bad habit is ruining his life and are very much enabling and overly sympathetic, so if I do challenge him on things I get a row or tears depending on his mood, with no solution it just goes round in circles...

Don't worry pigy, done the same here too for horrendous period pain (am prescribed some hefty painkillers for it now but before that I was losing the plot!)

When I say can't be bothered to fetch them, the family member goes and gives them to him! He would literally sit there moaning all day without moving from the sofa, he wouldn't get them himself. Speaking from experience, before we lived with the family member he used to lie he'd taken tablets for whatever ailment he had so I wouldn't make him get up/off the sofa (he knows I won't run round fetching things for him).

Am concerned what they're doing to his IBS, told him they're probably making it worse but he won't listen.

Does he work??

Presumably your family member has been prescribed tramadol for a condition / illness / injury that has been diagnosed by a trained medical professional whereas he feels "ill" but has failed to get a diagnosis ?

This is highly irresponsible of him firstly by taking the family members medication he could be denying them their medication when they need it.

If he is taking this with other opiates he could be at risk of side effects or developing depending issues.

If he is genuinely ill he needs to press for a diagnosis and not abuse. His family members drugs.

He works full time, in a college doing IT support.
I've dragged him to the doctors multiple times but they don't seem to think there's a problem with pain etc.
Reality is he's not in huge amounts of pain but because he's a bigger bloke thinks he needs the strong stuff.

So does he take meds with him to work?

Lie -say your mum is off Tramadol now and don't let anyone give him anything other than what he has been prescibed.

You say above that he takes them for a persistent but minor headache. It's very likely that the regular use of opioid based painkillers are actually causing the headache!

patient.info/health/medication-induced-medication-overuse-headache

Has he had a coeliac test? Many red flags for coeliac here. You don't say his age but most common age for diagnosis is 40 - 60. Some people think you need to be losing weight to have coeliac, but in fact a large number of people are overweight when diagnosed (I think because the malabsorption drives their body to try and consume more food).

I would get him to go and have a test asap. Diagnosis transforms lives.
The painkillers are definitely a bad idea, but the best thing is to unmask the cause.

If coeliac test is negative, push to see a gastroenterologist, as there are other things to rule out (ulcerative colitis for one).

Also, yes, codiene/tramadol may be making his IBS worse as it'll make him more prone to be constipated. Something anti-spasmodic like Buscopan might be better for stomach pains he has (can buy over the counter). His lack of motivation must be a worry for you. Is there anything active you could do as a family. It does sound like being more active would help too.

If he's taking opiates on a daily or almost daily basis, he probably is physically dependent on them. He's not taking a lot, so his withdrawal symptoms won't be horrendous, but they would cause all the things you've said are his main 'symptoms'. I've had mild withdrawal symptoms after taking a very low amount of co codamol (rarely more than once a day) for a few weeks. Tramadol is stronger and more dependence forming than the codeine in his co codamol. He needs to see his GP and discuss his symptoms with them again, and stop taking medication prescribed for other people! If he won't do this, you need to be asking why, and start considering that he is dependent. When did he last go 3 or 4 days in a row without taking anything, and what were his symptoms like then?

Not all 'drug addicts' are shovelling massive amounts of drugs into themselves every few hours then feeling like someone in Trainspotting when they can't get their tablets. There are millions of people who have become physically dependent on opiates at a fairly low dose - many of them probably don't even realise. Most of them are taking them because they need them for pain, so dependence is a side issue that doesn't necessarily need resolving asap. Only your DH's GP can say whether this applies to your DH, but they can't do that without knowing what he's actually taking.