AIBU about not allowing in laws to smoke in a house we bought them?

[LaraAxelrod]

We are in the fortunate position of being able to buy a house for my parents in law to live in. They wanted to move back to England but didn't have enough money of their own to buy somewhere nice close to us. We have therefore offered to buy a house which they can live in. They are both heavy smokers (30+ a day each). The idea would be that it's an investment for us. However our daughter has asthma and I am worried about 1) her being able to even visit the house and 2) how badly the smoking will have affected the house when it comes to selling it on.

Is it unreasonable to expect them to smoke outside or even just isolate their smoking to one room?

Tricky one.

I used to smoke. I never thought my house smelled.

I quit a few years ago and can now really tell when a house has been smoked in.

Perhaps a house with a conservatory and with smoking limited to there? I can see both sides of this. They won't like it and will probably smoke anyway. But I don't think YABU.

Another angle if they do smoke in the house; it may not just be a lick of paint thats required when they move out. I remember talking to a plasterer who had replastered a house due to the tar from cigarettes soaking through the new layers of paint, even when gloss had been applied first, the only way the owners could get rid was by replastering

If there's a garden would a heated summer house or log cabin to smoke in be an option? Or an extension? It still wouldn't be ideal but might help.

A landlord could, and would, ask his tenants not to smoke in his house. And he'd be within his rights.

You are in the odd position of not being the landlord, and yet someone is living in your house.

You're not being unreasonable. But they wouldn't be either if they ignored your request.

And any such request is going to cause ructions. It just is.

gCHQMonitoring - that's exactly what worries me. And I would feel bad selling it on to a young family if we were able to temporarily hide the smell of smoke.

Pinkie - I think that's a great idea thanks.

Install a sprinkler system

If you stated this condition ahead of time and they chose to go ahead with the offer of a house, then ignored it, they WOULD be being unreasonable.

But that's not much comfort, is it? They are likely to be unreasonable. You are not going to kick them out.

Do they know how much fags cost in this country?

It's a reasonable request to ask them not to smoke in the house, but how would they feel about that? No point asking if they are going to do it anyway. How about only smoking in one room such as kitchen or conservatory?

Your thread title is misleading, you haven't bought them a house! I think it's fine to ask them not to smoke around your kids but yabu to spring the no smoking indoors thing on them - be clear about it upfront before they up sticks to move nearer to you. Are you SURe you're not just trying to throw a spanner in the works?

Yeah a house which has been smoked in to that extent will need replastering. I would budget for that, not a paint job, when you come to realise your investment.

Troodiedoo - they are just moving from another part of the UK so yes. Sadly that's why they don't have much money.

If they do smoke in the house and smoke that heavily you may find the rooms they sit in to smoke may need replastering after they move, as the tar can leach through and stain paint applied on top, as it doesn't wash off completely.

Sorry posted the same thing twice. Running slow and it didnt appear when I checked.

If they moved back and bought there own place what would you do about your DD going round?

I'd want them to feel like it was their home. There's nothing worse than someone doing a favour for you and feeling beholden to them. But again MN is completely over the top about smoking. Wash the walls with sugar soap and repaint. What would you do if you bought a house which someone had smoked in?

If alls agreed no smoking and they do it anyway how will you deal with them?

Don't buy them a house. They will ignore you and smoke their heads off. You will be left with a house you will probably have to strip back to its bare bones to get rid of the stench. If you want to invest your money, buy a property to rent out to non-smokers, use the rent (as you are not going to charge your in-laws) to pay rent on a house for them.

Yanbu at all! We bought a house which had been owned by a heavy smoker and it is so much more complicated than painting the walls. It was a long and horrible process to get rid of nicotine residue.

And DH and I were both smokers at the time who had smoked inside our previous property. Never again having seen the long term effect.

I don't think you can give a gift with conditions and as their are your husband's parents you can't act in the same way as a landlord does. If you are doing this primarily because your husband wants them to be close to him then I can't see the basis upon which it is reasonable for you to impose conditions, particularly if he's not going to enforce them.

I can foresee massive arguments here - if you don't impose a ban you will feel resentful and that will come out one way or another. If you do impose a bank but they break it and your husband doesn't back you up, likewise. If they do as you ask but act like a real martyr about it and complain to your husband about how miserable they are and how they would have rather lived in a smaller place further away and been able to do what they like, they and he will resent you.

I don't think you can win really. I think it's a bad idea to help them out unless you can be really, genuinely relaxed about this.

I do agree that they should refrain from smoking in at least one room for a while before your daughter visits by the way.

I smoke and I don't think you're being unreasonable... you should ask them to only smoke outside, or on occasion of heavy rain I sometimes smoke leaning out my stable door at the back with the kitchen door closed, could something like that work?

Apologies for numerous typos. I'm recovering from an operation and taking loads of codeine. It's obviously addled my brain.

We've private rented before and it was stated that we weren't to smoke indoors, we didn't anyway as we had dd. Some of my family members do smoke indoors and the smell doesn't leave, repainting the walls also seems to be a waste of time because the tar stains just leech though the paint and absolutely everything stinks of smoke, even in the rooms that aren't smoked in. My dd has asthma and doesn't get to visit these relatives in their homes because it makes her wheeze even when they aren't smoking at the time.

YANBU but give them the choice.

Dear PIL We'd love to help you move closer to us and would be happy to offer you our flat rent free. We would need you to agree not to smoke inside though, because we want to be able to sell or let it out again in the future without smoke damage. If you're not sure you can agree to keeping all smoking outside then we'd be happy to help you find somewhere else nearby. Let us know what you'd prefer to do. Love Lara and DH

If you really decide to go ahead, I think talk of damage to the actual house is a bit OTT by the way. Yes, the curtains may be fit for the bin, yes you will probably need to sugar soap the walls and probably redecorate throughout including all the woodwork but that's about it. It's not going to damage the fabric of the building. So long as you do all that before you put it on the market it will be fine. Smoking doesn't damage the structure of the house, it just makes it dirty and smelly.

I'm stuck on this one.

I think I've concluded that you should have asked them before buying and sought their consent not to smoke indoors. They could have said no if this was a deal breaker for them, you could have explained that it's normal now for people not to be allowed to smoke Indoors (even in their own homes!).

However that conversation didn't take place. So, I would now be saying to them that you'd like them to make the choice. If they want to smoke in the house you can't stop them but you won't be able to socialise there with DD at all (doctor's orders). If they want the family to come over, would they be willing to make a compromise on smoking outside or in a sheltered area.

I fear this isn't going to go well for you unfortunately. Sadly though if they're in their late sixties and smoke 30 a day it's quite likely the decision will be taken out of their hands sooner rather than later.