Have I got PND?

[TheBoysMum]

I think I might be suffering from Post Natal Depression. For those that have suffered - what is it like and what are the 'symptoms'?

I have been feeling like things are getting on top of me since the arrival of ds2 11 months ago. I am worrying all the time and not sleeping as well as I used to. I cry a lot. I feel overwhelmed by things. I NEVER used to be like this before kids. I had a good career with a good salary. I am now a SAHM as I found it impossible juggling after ds1 (I was away from home with my job - not sustainable with kids)
I mentioned to dh last night that I was unhappy and the first thing he said was "you've been unhappy for months..." he also (sadly) said that he rarely saw me smile any more.
I just want to shake this feeling off and get rid of the cloud that hangs over my head and get on with smiling through life. I want to take control. I don't "do" depressed (at least that's what I've always thought and I think I might be wrong). My cloud seems to get darker as the weeks go by.

We are thinking of another baby, but if our last little one has caused me to feel this way, I am not sure it is such a good idea.
I do not want to go to doctors - I will not take a pill for it, if that's what it is.
Could I have PND and if so, what causes it?? Is PND different to any other depression (or is it just a timing thing - i.e. depression post baby?)

Ta x

TBM, I don't know if what you're describing is PND but it's how I feel almost all the time too! I've suffered anxiety and depression in the past though so for me it's not unusual to feel a bit of a mess, now it's more focused around dd etc. and I've never thought it was particularly PND proper. There will be lots of other mums here who can advise you about how you're feeling who know for sure they've had PND. I just wanted to bump you up a bit and to let you know you're not alone. xxx

TBM, it depends very much in when it started, I was diagnosed with PND at 11 m but I still think it may have been SAD (too late for PND I believe).. I don't know why you don't want to see the doctor but if you are planning another baby you have to be OK (well, you don't want to put more stress on top of the one you already have, do you?). Try to have a chat with a sympathetic GP, you may find out that you miss your career and the depression is not hormone based. If it's hormone based they can prescribe something to help you, otherwise you may have a clearer idea of which steps to take to get out of this feeling.

TBM,please talk to your health visitor or doc.Ihave been told that PND can develop up to 18 months after a baby is born. You have a toddler aswell? This is a very difficult time and very exhausting.I have 2 ds too.Plus a dd.
If you dont want to take pills, thats ok. But you definitely need some support.How about a bit of time off for good behaviour,apart from your dh is there any other person who can support you? Please dont make up your mind about pills before you know all the facts.They are not a means of mind control.
The crying all the time and not sleeping do sound like symptoms of depression to me,but i am not a doc just someone who has had similar probs to you.Please ask for help and advice so you can make some informed choices.
Take care
Loopylu

TBM, you've pretty much described how I've been feeling over the last few months and my HV has said it is PND. However only this month I've done abit of thinking and worked out that my black cloud seems to loom over me much much MUCH more when my period is due.
I'm now thinking mine is more PMT as with each baby( I've got boys too, 3 of the little bleeders ) it's got worse and worse resulting now in HV diagnosing PND.

I'm not 100% sure if I've got mild PND and horrendous PMT which both together creates the miserable, unhappy, selfish, spitful(embarrassed about that one too) bitch that I am for nearly 3 weeks of the month.

It did help me talking to my HV, it was like someone giving me the reason why I'm so miserable so that lifted my mood. Is your HV any good? could you talk to her?
It helpd me by waffling on about it here too so use and abuse us all you like

Take care.

TBM I had the same after the birth of ds1. It was when he was about 10 months old. I went to the doctors and all they did was shove some tablets at me which i didnt want. In the end, i took myself off them, and every night, I would sit down with DH and let it all pour out...he would hug me and help me if he could and that made a real difference. I think there is a recent thread on here somewhere about natural remedies for PDN if you can find it. I havent read it but have seen the thread title. If you need to talk, contact me. I know exactly what you are going through. Believe me. {{{{{HUGS{}}}}}}}

Definitely not PMT - I have it all the time. Three days before period is due I have really, really bad blues. I never suffered any form of PMT prior to kids.
I have a 15 month age gap between my two boys. It really is hard work. We have no family willing or able to help so we never get time off for good behaviour.
dh is fab, but I think it is even starting to get to him.
My 11 month ds grizzles all day and seems to be behind in his development (a big worry). 2 year old is very jealous, rather rough but very bright little boy.
Need to get a grip for their sakes.
Thinking of going back to some sort of work. I think that might just be running away....?

ditto....i have no family of friends to help either. my dh is great but by the end of the weekend i think he is a bit frazzled as well TBH! if going to work will help then go for it. you may feel better for it, even though you are working, you will still be having a break from the children and the day to day arguements etc.

Can't talk to HV. Don't think much of her - alarmist.
Felt better, actually just typing how I feel. Perhaps it's me acknowledging that it's not ok to be feeling like this all the time?
Thanks busybee

TBM, I really envy those people who have a good supportive family network to hand, it would make such a difference wouldn't it?

If you don't feel like taking medication and your HV is crap (as mine is, I always felt that if I confided in her at all I'd end up having dd taken away ), could you try to see a councilor? I've been seeing a psychotherapist which I was lucky enough to get on the NHS and it helps me no end to have that neutral space to speak to someone in.

Hi TheBoysMum, the Edinburgh post natal depression test is online here , perhaps you could take it and see what you think? I had feelings similar to those you describe after my first child was born and I definitely was depressed, albeit fairly mildly. It felt awful at the time though. I took St John's Wort on the advice of my GP, who agreed I was depressed but didn't think it warranted anti depressants. Do you have a good GP? Could you talk to him/her and see what they think? There have been some useful threads about depression recently, I'll see if I can find some for you in a minute. I've also heard a new ish point of view (on the radio I think) fairly recently, which is that to be depressed is a fairly rational reaction to the shock of having a first baby! I know this isn't your first but having 2 so close together must be really hard, especially if you haven't got any family support or help close by, and I can sort of buy that point of view to an extent. I think, especially if you've had an 'in control' type of life before and you've been taken seriously and had respect at work etc, it can be a huge shock to be plunged into the chaos that is children. It doesn't mean we don't love them but they can be hard work I think. Anyway, this may not be relevant to you but I thought I'd mention it anyway. In my case the St John's Wort did help and, fingers crossed, I seem to be OK with this baby (who is 7 months old). I've got a six year gap though and my circumstances now are very different to those that contributed to my depression. Anyway, will go off and look for those threads for you.

There's an old but long thread here but it might help to read it anyway.

TBM, sorry your HV is rubbish.Hope I didnt sound too pious advising you to seek prof help. Frankly I have never had any help from family either.Spose I thought I was the only unlucky one.Dont understand why MIL etc cant remember what it is like.I know damn well i would never let my kids go thru same.Actually thinking about starting new discussion on crap grandparents. The only way I cope is with prescription drugs.If you find another way please tell me.My 9yr old ds just gone to bed after massive tantrum and dh had to leave house to calm down, having only returned from 300 mile round trip 30 mins before. And they say it gets easier.

Hi id just like to say that my GP thought that I had pnd when my daughter was about 18 months. i'd been feeling grotty for some time and everyone was worried about me. I only realised there was something wrong when I realised that my daughter was bringing me no joy. I went to the doc and he said pnd can come within the first two years and suggested that I took vitamin b6 and magnesium, it was fantastic and I felt more like my old self very quickly and could once again see how wonderous my daughter really was and stopped feeling so awful about myself. I wish you luck and please be reassured that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I'll add to any thread on supportive families!!!! My Mum rarely visits - she finds my 2 year old 'a bit much' (read a "spirited toddler" ). My father died young, 12 years ago. We have not seen my in-laws since the day we got married 7 years ago - MIL couln't deal with losing a son - she'd rather not have him if she can't have him all to herself. They have never met their grandsons, despite numerous attempts/invites from us. They play mindgames, send us weird letters and send expensive presents and soppy letters to my little boys who they have never met. My sister is a manic depressive and my brother lives abroad.

That is it in a nutshell - my support network, no word of a lie. Thank God for gorgeous dh. When are you going to start the thread loobylu?