Post miscarriage.......how are you doing?

[Melly]

Hi, was wondering how others feel/have felt several weeks after a miscarriage. Jodee, if you're out there, was wondering how you are, I know you suffered a miscarriage a few weeks before I did, are you doing ok? I have days when I don't think about it and others when I feel really, really down in the dumps, but I suppose this is quite normal. I'm feeling very fed up today, doesn't help that the weather is awful, windy and torrential rain, dh is away and I just can't motivate myself to do anything positive.

[jodee]

Dear Melly, I'm sorry you are feeling so low today. Thank you for asking after me - it's funny, I was thinking of you earlier this week too - I had to check my diary for a wedding in the Autumn, and came across where I written the day the baby would have been due; I thought I had Tippexed it out but I hadn't. It did hit me all of a sudden, I had felt OK but the thoughts about what would have been came flooding back, and my eyes pricked with tears. It made me wonder how you were also, as it had happened to you so recently.

I think how you are feeling at the moment is normal, part of the healing process. You must of course be missing your dh and it's when we get lonely that we start to think more about sad times. How are things going at work? I think you posted that you thought you should have taken a little longer off?

We are now at the point where we are seriously thinking of trying again, we wanted to leave it for about 3 months. I was really encouraged by the positive postings here of others that went through the same and had children afterwards and in the main I am feeling positive myself, knowing that I've done it before and everything was fine and not letting worry come to the forefront of my mind that I may miscarry again, because I think worry can be my worst enemy. Try and get some comfort from your wonderful child and your supportive dh, they love you very much. I don't know if you have thought of speaking to the Miscarriage Association (I didn't myself) but I'm sure they would be able to give you plenty of advice and encouragement too.

Thinking of you (especially on this miserable day), keep us posted. love Jodee xx

[Enid]

Lots of love and hugs melly and jodee.

I went through a very hard bout of 'lowness' (hesitate to say depression, but it must be what depression feels like) about 6-8 weeks after my miscarriage. I actually thought I had M.E as I was physically very low, constantly ill. I went to the docs and he said I was thoroughly run down and I should rest and eat properly. Its amazing how you can fool yourself, I refused to believe that it was post-miscarriage blues and firmly insisted I was physically ill.

I had coped very well up until then and then it hit me like running into a brick wall. I had a terrible week when I could hardly move from the bed/sofa and cried all the time.

Finally Christmas came and dp had 2 weeks off work and we had a lovely time and miraculously I was cured, felt well and happier! Then in Jan I got pregnant again and I could see my 'illness' for what it really was, suppressed grief and sadness.

Had a cry in May which is when the baby would have been due, but feel that I have put it behind me, and although I won't forget I am looking forward to the new baby and that helps tremendously.

[Melly]

Thanks Jodee and Enid for your lovely messages. Hope your pregnancy is going well Enid and I'm sure it must really help, when are you due?
Yes, Jodee I know what you mean about when you try again, worrying that it might happen again, but I have found comfort in speaking to friends and relatives who, until recently, I didn't even know that they had had a miscarriage. It seems quite common for women to miscarry between their first and second baby, so I am trying to focus on that and be positive. We will probably be trying again soon too (dh being at home permitting!) and in the meantime I'm trying to get myself really well physically, eating sensibly, drinking loads of water, taking folic acid etc. I have also started doing my home exercise videos again, I'd forgotten what a high you get from doing aerobics, it's just the thought of going and starting that's the worst bit!
Take care both of you.
Melly
x

[jodee]

Thanks Enid, for your kind words - it was a real encouragement too. I remember you feeling sad back in May - I hope everything is going well with your pregnancy now and that you now have something wonderful to look forward to.

Melly, apart from the aerobics (I have videos gathering dust that I've never watched!) I've been trying to lead a healthier lifestyle too, to try and be in tiptop shape for when I fall pregnant again (and I KNOW I will and everything will be fine!). Fingers crossed for you too, and I'm sure we will both have some good news to share soon!

Take care, J xxx

[jules28]

Hi I've also had a miscarriage at the beginning of September -first try - and I can identify with feeling blue. It seems to have really come over me recently and yes, the weather doesn't help.

We will be trying again too. It's hard to come to terms with though and I can also identify with coming across appointments and the due date in the diary. I feel rather numb still really and don't think I have really understood what happened and I why I feel low.

[WigWamBam]

So sorry to hear about these recent miscarriages. It's been 20 years since I had mine, and sometimes it still hurts. It took me a long time to get over it, with bouts of depression and lots of anger, but the feelings do fade. I still think about the child I lost every year at the time when she or he would have been born, but it gets less painful with time. I did wonder whether the birth of my daughter would stir up old feelings, but it didn't - although she's only 3 so it was a long time after my miscarriage.

The one thing I would say is to get as much support from your friends, family and partners as you can. My partner at the time was relieved that I lost the baby and I didn't actually tell anyone else about it, which I really regretted later.

Thinking of you all, and hope that there are sunnier days ahead.

[Donbean]

I didnt think that any one else in the whole world could possibly understand what i was feeling, i felt lonely and very down and an overwhelming desperate feeling of why had this happenend to me. I had done every thing that i could to be healthy and prepared, so many people who dont go to much trouble concieve and have babies with no problem at all. This was how i felt for many months.
This was strange to me as im the kind of person who doesnt dwell, i prefer to just "get on with it". When we were ready to try again i was far more subdued, did not allow myself to get excited.....lost again. My babies were due 25th July and 9th July.
My 3rd pregnacy, which resulted in Ds,was due 25th July but was born 9th July!
I will always remember. I dont get sad any more (these happenend 2001,2002)when i think about them because i know that Ds was waiting to come and that the two little ones i lost were letting him come. These thoughts help me immensly.
It will and does get better, but you will never forget
Love to you both x