Not really sure where to post this - Relationships? Bereavement? Secondary? General Health...who knows if there was a section for "feeling really rubbish & sorry for myself" then maybe.
The last 6 months have been a horrible time. End of August I found out my DH had been having an emotion affair - I found emails, messages between him and OW he'd met 4 weeks previously on a stag weekend away - swears blind it was just texts etc. and he was flattered byt hte attention and it was all a mistake...blah blah blah ... but who knows. It knocked me for six THEN at the same time and not putting it aside, but I told DH I needed time to digest what had happened but as DS was literally just about to start secondary a few days later HE was priority not him. DS started and within 3 days he had a melt down, a proper full on melt down. This went on, on and off for a couple of weeks. The adjustment was just too much for him and although he is a confident child just all got to him. Then an older yr 10 boy started bullying him, DS's tutor sorted it immediately and we made a few adjustments etc. Since October we've had a few melt downs but slowly and surely he is adjusting, will take him time and quite often he has said he hates school but I think he will be ok...eventually.
Gosh then November another blow, my best friend, my best friend in the whole world and whom Ive know for over 40 years died. She took her own life. I was and still am totally shocked, sad, annoyed, upset, just every emotion. Had to take over from her daughter (who has just had a baby) and as Im the executor sort out the house, finances, funeral, post mortum, forthcoming inquest.
The last few months Ive cried everyday for my marriage and my relationship which is not what I thought, we havent been close since all of this happened although we have a couple of weekends away booked as part of my birthday presents. My Son his emotional state, how he will settle this term at school and my best friend, Ive cried because she didnt come to me, because I couldnt help her. Although I have stopped crying so much now down to once a week, Im at a point now where Im just fed up, numb and feeling sorry for myself. I want my life to go back to "normal". Life is so hard DS is acting very teenagish at the mo, a real battle with cheek and back chat which causes a strain on our homelife.
I did speak to a friend when I found out about DH as I literally went into shock and panic and needed to speak to someone as I was scared plus she could have DS if I needed to go somewhere...since then I just dont want to talk about it all she asks I just say we're working through it.
DH well thinks life's all ok and if we dont talk about it, it will all go away. I feel sad, lonely and just well lost. I dont want any anti-depression meds, however my GP does know about my friend as I went to her recently as she went through he post mortum findings with me to help me understand and I had a little cry so Im sure she's noted it on my file.
I do feel a little better now Ive written this down although not sure anyone will read such a long post!!! Also dont mean to sound sorry for myself just not sure what I need to help myself. Do I take a deep breathe and just get on with life, put it all behind me?