Hi
I'm a newbie to this thread, although not to Mumsnet. To be honest I'm a bit of a mess at the moment.
I went to the GP with bleeding from the nipple after giving my 2 year 4 month DD a last breastfeed before Christmas. I had noticed it x2 before assuming it was a blocked duct or a little nick, but this time knew it wasn't right. I could also feel a knobbly bit behind the nipple. She was really unhelpful so I went back in January and was referred to the Breast clinic by a different GP, although the bleeding had stopped and knobble was receeding. The consult was positive, the the ultrasound was positive (knobbly bit was cysts) until the last minute when a female Dr. came in to sign it off and says that because of the bleeding, she wants to take a biopsy of the cysts.
A week later the results come back as high grade DCIS. Again though, everyone is very positive, we'll take it out next Friday, do a lymph node biopsy, radiation, off you go. Appointment with the surgeon next day - We want you to have an MRI so we'll push back the operation by a fortnight but we will definitely take off your nipple, by the way your mammogram is clear.
Last week I had MRI, Pre-op (including appt with BCN) and then surgeon clinic appt after MDT in the morning. The surgeon came in and said "It's just as well you had an MRI as it shows a 5.5cm area of DCIS and an abnormal lymph node under your arm." Initially she wanted me to wait a week for an ultrasound and biopsy but the BCN managed to sort it for the same afternoon. Needless to say, the op is cancelled because now I need a mastectomy. In the ultrasound the sonographer says the lymph nodes are normal but cannot find anything that showed up on the MRI so doesn't want to biopsy randomly. Apparently MRIs are sensitive but not specific, so it may be showing something that is not DCIS so he is going to recommend that I have a biopsy under MRI but this has to go to MDT a week later, then it has to go to MDT at the hospital where it would be carried out, then wait for appt, then wait for results. The thinking seems to be if it's not DCIS they can go back to Wide local excision. I have phoned the BCN (mine is away for a week) and said I want them to tell MDT I want a mastectomy. At this point I am not happy to keep half a breast, even if the biopsy shows the abnormality is a benign lesion. Until Thursday, I have no inkling of what the proposed course of action is.
In the meantime though I have had an appointment for a bone scan and a CT scan and I don't feel like I can take any more bad news. I am quite an emotional person anyway and it's getting harder and harder to keep the tears under control. At the weekend DH took the kids out and I read through the information the BCN gave me and made notes but this has resulted in me having really vivid, allegorical dreams. DH has just started a new job as we were planning to relocate to be closer to my parents after Easter, which is obviously now on hold but it means he is away 3 days a week (I know this could be worse). DS is back in school today after a fortnight off, vomiting followed by diarrhoea 48hrs later, followed by chicken pox 48hrs after that and blisters that refused to pop for the whole week, so the school have been on the phone, gently prodding me about his attendance, which pisses me off as I taught before I had him, so I know he has to be in school.
Everything just feels a bit shit at the moment. This has come completely out of the blue, no family history, 2 pregnancies, breastfed in total for 4.5 years out of the last 5. It just feels like every time I go in there, things get worse and I get more and more frightened.
I'm sorry, this is rather self-pitying. I am aware that things are much worse for other people and that this is mostly the fear talking but I just needed to tap all of this out and not cry to someone who is going to worry about me.
I hope everyone is having a good day. I love the positive posts at the beginning of this thread. I do go back to them and they help[ every time.