Will I ever have sex again?????????????? :(

[MrsTittleMouse]

DD is 4 months, and was large and OP. I had a ventouse delivery after a long labour. Even though I'm BFing, my libido is still good and I have lots of lubrication (sorry TMI ), but when DH and I try to have "proper" sex, it really hurts and even though I try to take things slowly, I can't get him in (again TMI).
I had a big arguement with the OB when I was transferred to the high-risk unit during labour when it was obvious that DD was stuck. I wanted a C-section, rather than an instrument delivery, but he persuaded me otherwise. I also didn't want an episiotomy. He told me that I just had a small tear, but I thought otherwise and asked the MW to look at me, and she said that I had a classic "hockeystick" episiotomy scar. I've not had any infection, so in that way it's healed OK, but it's really stiff and sore. Even standing for long periods makes it ache, even though my pelvic floor is back up to snuff. Shuffling along the bed on my bum or opening my legs really wide also make it hurt.
I asked the doctor at the 6 week check to examine me, and she said that the scar was unusually stiff, but recommended sex to sort it out (?!?!?!?). Things didn't improve, so I went back to another doctor at the practice at 12 weeks, who was more sympathetic, but who told me that even if she referred me that they were unlikely to do anything until I was guaranteed to be finished child-bearing, as she told me that if I had any more children that I would be very likely to have another episiotomy as the scar would be less flexible than the rest of me. How on Earth they think I'm going to conceive more children is beyond me.
I really don't know what to do, and I'm getting quite depressed about it. DH is very supportive, but doesn't really know what to do.
HELP!

Sorry no advice bu tit must be awful and I really feel for you.

I would take dh with you to the docs and be very insistant that you need to be looked at and it needs to be sorted out.

I really feel for you it must be awful.

I hope you can get sorted asap it shouldn't be this hard for you.

Message withdrawn

Can't help much, but I had ventouse and episiotomy with DS1(8lb 3oz) 2 years ago after having contractions and being in labour 32hrs, wasn't too bad, healed ok, sex was infrequent but managed to concieved DS2 9mths later. DS2(8lb 6oz) was completely natural delivery, no pain relief or instruments. Had a 2nd degree tear with him, perenial and clitoral stitches . All healed quite well although I've been told the tissue where my scaring is, is thin.

Oh,with DS2, labour from start to finish was 6 and a half hrs. 20 mins of pushing.

Congratulations on the birth of your DD. You're lucky that your libido is good and everything else seems fine.

I've had a bit of a google on this, but they do recommend surgery, which your GP isn't happy to give you. I'd go back again to discuss that part.

I do have a couple of questions - does any contact with the scar hurt? I wonder if there's nerve damage there? Is a private operation an option?

I had stitches with DS1 (tear not episiotomy) and it was stitched up badly and I had almost constant pain - my GP dismissed me at first but I was referred back to the hospital after a few months, they tried to say that it was all in my mind and sent me for sexual counselling! Some time after DS1's first birthday I got to see the consultant again, and she asked if I wanted to be cut and restitched there and then - I said YES!! and she was a bit surprised but did it, I then healed up in two weeks and conceived DS2 soon after.

WHY did they not listen to me, and try to make me feel abnormal, and ruin my first year of being a mother?? Bastards.

If you know things are not right, insist that they help you, don't be fobbed off.

My DS is now 7 months old, was a big baby and came out with his arms up (hence nasty tear). Since the birth I've been in constant pain and unable to have sex. Various doctors told me I have to 'give it time', kept prescribing painkillers, but I kept going back saying it wasn't right. I started to think it was psychological. Eventually saw a very nice doctor who examined me and told me they had stitched me up completely wrong and referred me to gynaecologist. Now on waiting list for operation to be re-stitched. Apparently the operation (Fentons procedure) is very common so it must happen a lot. Keep pestering at the doctors is my advice. You know whether it is right or not!!

I had an episiotomy with my first baby. Sex was very painful, and at 4 months, I had it checked out. The actual scar was okay - I was told sometimes it takes quite a while for the scar tissue to heal completely and stop being sensitive. Sex became painless from about 6 months, I think. So, it's worth having your scar checked out, but don't panic - it might be okay, you might just need to give it a bit more time to heal properly. I've had two more babies since then, and didn't even tear with either of those, let alone need another episiotomy. First births are often difficult compared to subsequent births and cannot be used as a measure of how subsequent births will be. I was flat on my back first time around, when I needed the episiotomy. Second and third time, I laboured and birthed upright ( kneeling ) and you are much less likely to tear doing this.

OK, it sounds as though things still might heal alright as they are, but there are things that can be done if they don't, so that's a good reason for hope.
If I massage the scar (which I was advised to do) then it hurts. It's the muscle layer inside that's the problem I think, although inside the vagina it feels a bit "thin" in that area. It's not the side of me that I'm used to feeling though, so I can't remember what it was like before.

burstingbug: I'm so sorry to hear of your stitches, but really glad that you were able to labour naturally with your 2nd
CocoLoco: how bad was the re-stitching? I'm really scared about it to be honest. Would I feel post-natal again???