BRCA Gene positive - Telling DC - WWYD

[ChangedMyMind]

So about to get tested to see if I have inherited the faulty gene from DM - the one that massively increases the chance of ovarian cancer. I'm wanting opinions on how to handle this if I turn out to be +ve .

I have 4 DDs aged 10-20, they don't know I had a aunt die young of cancer and we're fairly estranged from my parents, they're elderly so I don't think it's occurred to any of them about the possibility of a hereditary factor...

Eldest is a drama lama so if I tell her then it will be public knowledge but the age gap is large. Telling a 20 year old she has a 50/50 chance of having the gene is bad enough but what about a 10/12/14 year old - how/when can I tell them

I feel if I tell them their innocence of believing they will have future health and children is over, they will have decisions to make. If I don't tell them they can't look for early signs that could potentially save their lives.

Of course I could be positive and all of them negative, but it's unlikely isn't it - if some are -ve and some +ve how do they deal with the "unfairness" of it all.

It's a really shit hobsons choice, damned if I do, damned if I don't. Desperate to be -ve for their sakes

If your eldest is a drama llama, won't your other girls know this and be used to it?

If you already have a diagnosis and don't declare it then yes they can refuse to pay out.

Op is stating that she hasn't yet had testing let alone a diagnosis.

They can ask about history of cancer in the family and she will need to answer that and there will probably be an increased premium to pay due to what is declared - does that make sense?

I am mid forties, I have surpassed the age at which my Aunt died, working it out I think her she may have been in her thirties when she was first diagnosed.

I come from a family of secrets and lies who don't do emotional support so I struggle to have the tools to deal with difficult issues with my own DC.

I was told my Aunt did of liver cancer, once my Mum was diagnosed with Ovarian my spider senses though hmmm, especially when I consider that only a year or so later my Mum had surgery to remove a lump in her arm - only it wasn't it was a (benign) lump from her breast - see I look back now and know why they were acting in a completely weird way. "Musn't tell the children" - arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So I've had 2 years to get used to the idea that there could be genetic factor - even though I was only told about my Mum getting tested a few months ago. Why even get tested unless my Aunt had died of related cancer, neither of my parents nor the other siblings ever had cancer... well unless I was lied to about that as a child too

Obviously if I'm positive then I will be having surgery and that will be the natural time to tell my daughters - to not tell them would be a big fat lie tbh!

There is great screening for breast cancer but nothing for ovarian but hopefully the specialists will deem that they have their twenties to not really concern themselves with it other than being aware of early symptoms.

By the time the testing is done etc. it will be after Christmas and if nothing else I can mentally enjoy a break from what could be to come.

Thanks once again to you all have been there whether it has been themselves or family/friends it's shit

Thank you for the link to this thread. I don't know how I feel about surgery if I am positive. I don't really know how I feel about any of it except for terrified and wondering if I'm overreacting! It's a very scary time and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel