Alzheimer's... my friend's mum is declining rapidly.

[sauce]

My friend is suffering terribly over her mum's illness and her dad's grief over it. How can I help her? I feel so inadequate! She came round yesterday for tea with her dc & we had a good chat about everything but it hurt me so much to see the sadness in her face. I could tell she had been crying and crying. When she left, she gave me a hug & thanked me for "taking her mind off things, at least for awhile". Do any of you have experience with Alzheimer's that would help me to support her? Thanks.

There is a good website for altzeimers & dementia which may be some help. The BBC website probably has info too. Do you remember, they did a season of progs about memory? My mum is getting forgetful and we don't know if it's dementia setting in or 40+ years of bullying and domestic violencr that are taking their toll.

It's frightening and sad and difficult and it sounds as though you're being a good friend. Being able to listen in these situations is invaluable.

I am sure your friend is already in touch with the Alzheimers' Society, but if not then nudge her in the right direction as they have both helpful people at the end of the phone, good literature and local groups.

The best thing you can do though is be there for her to open up to. Alzheimers stirs up all sorts of painful memories, regrets, sense of things undone, future things that will be missed, and fears for your own life, whether someone is very close to their parent or not. Also it is very hard difficult work caring, organising care or even dealing with someone else's paperwork. At such times of great pressure, siblings and families can fall out with each other too.