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Original poster

My 17 yr old DD is being asked for a sick note.

56 replies

gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 11:33

She has a little P-T job at a well known retailer working weekends. She hasn't been there long and is still in her probationary period. In the 3 months she has been there she has had 2 bouts of D&S which has unfortunately coincided with her working days(we both had it last time)and another episode which has been triggered by anxiety and stress as she was unable to find cover (she was returning to 6th form)She had agreed to work extra shifts. When she phoned in, HR said they knew she was lying and wanted a sick note. She has had severe social anxiety in the past and she was seeing a CAMHS counsellor for over a year.
She had a meeting with a senior manager to discuss her attendance and punctuality and they are extending her probationary period by 3 months.
She tells me HR are still asking for a sick note. How do I get one? I guess I will have to pay for one as her symptoms have now passed but will a Dr even agree to writing one? As you can imagine this is causing my DD a lot of worry. Has anyone experienced anything similar from their employer?

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Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 12:36

Nancy75, she hasn't helped herself with her lateness I know. She can have difficulties with sleeping because of the worrying which we are working on.

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MumiTravels · 11/09/2016 12:40

It's not just retail. The NHS has a strict absence policy too.

Her future employer will ask for how many sick days or % time off work as sick as well as a character reference. If there was no more sickness over next 3 months then 3 shifts out of 6 months looks better but you can't guarantee that there will be no more sickness. Sickness can also affect increments of pay.

Has she been referred for some CBT by the GP for her anxiety?

bakingaddict · 11/09/2016 12:42

My kids school ask for a Dr's note for D&V it's bloody ridiculous why would you go to Drs for that reason. I tell the school it's a waste of GP resources. Anyway as a pp poster said I think it's best for her to resign and move on. If she has just one more incidence of lateness or sickness then the company will probably let her go. At least she can maybe still get a decent enough reference

chocolateworshipper · 11/09/2016 12:45

My 16 year-old DD also works PT for a well known retailer. She has been getting loads of positive feedback, but was shocked about how badly she was treated when she phoned in sick (it was the first time). I'm glad I don't work in retail and I'm not sure how much longer she will stay there.

Trifleorbust · 11/09/2016 12:46

You are not being unreasonable to have an opinion about this, but you would definitely be out of place getting involved in any dispute. She's not in school here, it's a job. She needs to stand up for herself, no doubt about it, but having Mummy write to the chairman or any similar step would be a ridiculous thing to do. Their contract is with her, not you, so they would not even have to respond.

Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 12:53

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. She will definately stick it out for the next 3 months at least to improve her sickness record. The being late thing is a worry though which I hadn't really thought of. I should be able to drive her which will improve things in the short term.

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EarthboundMisfit · 11/09/2016 12:53

I really feel for her. In my own experience of anxiety, taking time off makes it worse not better...she needs to develop her resilience and this is easier said than done, but it's a good lesson to learn now while there's not too much pressure.

Is she trying to do too many hours?
What is is that makes her most anxious?
Is there more help she could seek for her anxiety?
What can be put in place to make it easier to get to work, and get there on time?

Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 12:57

I agree Trifleorbust. She is 17, nearly 18. It is hard but she needs to speak up more. I could have gone to the meeting yesterday as she is under 18 but feared I would have ended up speaking for her which I know wouldn't have been good.She didn't want me to go but only because she wanted to have her meeting discretely and not have ppl gossip because her mum had come up her work place. I hadn't thought of that .

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NapQueen · 11/09/2016 12:58

She is sick some of her shifts and late for others.

She needs to kick herself up the arse if she really wants to stick at this.

nancy75 · 11/09/2016 12:58

ginger for me the being late is more serious than the sickness, most people are fairly reasonable and know that everyone gets sick from time to time, however lateness is not acceptable and it is within her control to sort that out.

Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 12:59

Mumitravel, she was given techniques to help her get off to sleep as part of her counselling.

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NataliaOsipova · 11/09/2016 13:01

Trifleorbust They wouldn't have to respond, but I think they would choose to do so. And because it's a teenager (and technically a child) they are employing, it's a different situation from, say, phoning your child's university tutor or your 25 year old's boss. Also - and this is why I said the Chairman rather than the DD's manager - she wouldn't be getting in the middle of the dispute, but rather pointing out, in a general fashion, that she is disgusted with the way they are treating a vulnerable young person. It's all about image for a lot of these corporates; the last thing they want is a piece in the Daily Fail slagging them off.

Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 13:01

I agree nancy75. I have spoken to her about this.

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Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 13:03

I agree Napqueen. She doesn't want a career in retail but it is still a good and worthy experience to have.

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bluebeck · 11/09/2016 13:03

Many large retailers have a blanket policy of not providing references. If DDs sole reason for staying there is to get a good reference then she needs to check that side of it out.

If she was sick two weekends on the trot, then that would amount to over 7 days (even though she was only meant to work a few of the days) and that would explain the insistence on a sicknote? Some GPs will provide retrospective sick notes for less than a week, but might charge for it. I would advise asking the employer of they will pay for this if they are insisting on a sicknote if the periods weren't concurrent.

JudyCoolibar · 11/09/2016 13:05

They really are a mickey mouse operation to work for

Really? They've kept your DD on despite the fact that within 26 working days she's had four and a half days sick leave, messed up on her working rota and has a history of unpunctuality. They seem exceptionally tolerant to me.

piknmixer · 11/09/2016 13:08

Please don't write to the chairman, that's a total over reaction and would make you look ridiculous.

I really feel for your daughter and regardless of how much they like her or how sympathetic they are to her health problems, they're looking for someone reliable which is why they've extended her probation.

Them asking for a sick note isn't helpful and she isn't going to be able to get one anyway as the illness has passed (and wasn't for more than seven days).

Really hope she can keep going and improve her punctuality and attendance, but bear in mind this may cause her more stress and worry, which could lead to her being ill again which in turn will impact on her job.

I really do sympathise, I've seen it myself with employees who suffer with anxiety but the bottom line is they need someone reliable who will be on time for their shifts.

It might be that it's a lot less worry all round if she packed it in until she's in a better place and leave this off her CV.

Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 13:10

Earthboundmist,
Is she trying to do too many hours? I think she was overstretching herself in the holidays. She just finds it easier to say "yes" when asked then "sorry, i can't do those hours/days". I think we need to work on assertiveness.
What is is that makes her most anxious?
Her skin, she has really bad acne.
Is there more help she could seek for her anxiety?
We are trying to address the route of her anxiety.What can be put in place to make it easier to get to work, and get there on time?
I normally drive her to work at the weekend but if she accepts any work after 6th form she will have to go on the bus.

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A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 11/09/2016 13:10

She's 17 and it's a job in a shop. They will give her a good reference. She'd probably get a better reference if she agreed to leave rather than dragging it out and forcing them to fire her.

I would go in and see the manager with her and explain about the anxiety and how terrible she feels. Say explicitly that she doesn't want to quit because she'll get a bad reference. I promise you that her manager (who is sick of managing her absences) will have interrupted you before you've finished speaking to say that they will absolutely give her a good reference.

If she's sticking it out because she needs the cash, fine. But if she's sticking it out because she's afraid of the reference, it's unnecessary.

nancy75 · 11/09/2016 13:19

Store managers in large retailers don't generally give the reference, HR do it. They don't usually give good or bad just factual.

Orwellschild · 11/09/2016 13:20

Most large retailers will give a blanket reference, how long the person worked for the organisation etc, reasons for leaving.

Yes I meant 16%.
As a PP said, involving yourself will really not help your DD. The contract of employment is between her and the employer, and parental involvement is a bit of a no go.

She will (I hope) have been issued with either an electronic or physical employee handbook. That will state all terms of employment, including absence policy. If the policy has been flouted (I.e 3 periods of absence during probationary period) the. The terms of the contract can be nullified, or the employee can be exposed to performance management, up to and including dismissal if that's what the company policy is. It's unfortunate your DD has been so ill, and I get the stresses of college etc, but as a manager who worked up from a part time employee I have seen both sides of juggling sickness absence in a retail environment and it's really hard. Probationary periods are there to gauge whether a person is suitable for that type of employment and to test their dedication to their role to an extent, so if performance / absence is poor during the probationary period, it's kind of a given that the same will happen once the person is taken on permanently, hence the decision may be taken to let her go. Feel free to PM me if you want any more info on this, I know the rules fairly well indoctrinated after 20 years

Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 13:22

Bluebeck it wasn't 2 weekends on the trot but I take your point.

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Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 13:24

Just noticed my reply to earthboundmist. meant to say 'root' not 'route'.

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WatchingFromTheWings · 11/09/2016 13:25

Please don't write to the chairman, that's a total over reaction and would make

^^This.

It's never a good idea for parents to get involved with their kids employers, esp at that age. It won't look good for them and due to data protection they can't discuss anything with you anyway. By all means support and advise though.

Original poster
gingerhobo48 · 11/09/2016 13:30

Thank you Orwellschild, that's really helpful. I won't be getting involved other than to provide the usual motherly support and advice. She has a physical employees handbook which she received on her induction day.
I think I am just upset that HR actually said that to her. I believe her as she isn't prone to making things up.

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