Help me help me help me

[PinkPearls20]

Help me. Please. I have taken the pill for the first time and have got two more tablets left in my packet.

I havr been spotting the whole time thru the pack. Just been to toilet snf their was lots if pale pink blood on the toilet paper.

It's cancer. I know it is. Help me. I feel like I'm goj g to pass out.
I had a clear smear 12 months ago and GP examined me 7 weeks ago, but I don't care.

Im so scared. Im back to work in an hour after 8 weeks of for the summer but I don't think I can go in

It's just everytime I go to the toilet and there is a bit there I feel scared.

The crazy part of my brain tells me it shouldn't be there, its blood down below, blood down below could be caused by cancer. PANIC! If I don't panic I'll leave it and it will get worse...

Rational side of me... I have got a clear smear...12 months ago, A gyno looked at me 12 months ago and said I'm fine, I had a scan on my ovaries 12 months ago... fine...last month, GP examined me...all fine.

I need to pack this in but it's like a panic instinct kicks in

I hear you, loud and clear.
Please listen Pink.
Very recently, I have been to hospital with suspected cancer, below, there was no blood, no show at all.
I have got the all clear, that is why I care and empathise with you.
Blood does not mean cancer, please accept this.
You are on track, be strong.
It was difficult for me to share this.

Sugarpie, I am genuinely pleased for you that you have the all clear. Thankyou for coming on to talk to me. It must be hard as I even avoid signs about cancer/adverts.

Thankyou

Blood is still there. I'm on my 7 day break tomorrow.... I really hope things start to pick up after this 7 day break

I have a copper coil so no hormones expect my normal ones! And a clear smear test
I bleed mid cycle around ovulation. I had some spotting today and the day before
All perfectly normal, it's just my body. On various different contraception I had spotting all the time or heavy random bleeding or just constant light bleeding - all "normal" as such, nothing sinister

There's a saying about if you hear hoof beats, look for horses not zebras! So blood could be hormones or a small scratch or sex or a million and one other things (the horses), cancer would be the zebra (not common)

Have you had any CBT for the anxiety? I found it really helpful

Oh pink you poor love. I have HA too, and have been as bad as you in the past.

I had CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) which helped me a lot, gave me coping skills and taught me how to think differently.

I also take 20mg citalopram daily.

Are you taking any medication for it? I am diagnosed with general anxiety disorder plus OCD. It's the OCD that gives me the HA - in that I obsess about my health.

I really really feel for you, I know how awful it is and how debilitating. I used get quite literally paralysed with fear.

If you're not getting much support you need to go and see your GP. Also, the No More Panic website is really good, has some great forums.

Take care.

Pink had another very long thread on this last week where she explained she is on the list for counselling via her GP.

Just so peeps know!

Do you think my constant thikng about ny health is OCD? I wash my hands and clean alot, but I didn't think enough for it to be classed as a obsessive compulsion. However I do obsessively think about my health... to keep me 'safe'... even when I'm laughing I am thinking about my health.

Healthy minds are phoning me at 11.10 for a telephone assessment today.

I'm going to feel a right Wally telling this woman that Im obsessed with bleeding from down below and I check constantly. So I might just say I obsess over a percific health concern and check obsessively and regularly.

It could be OCD. Worth asking if they think that is the diagnosis. You sound like me 6 years ago. You can get better, hang on in there.

IVE BEEN THERE OP This is HEALTH ANXIETY!! And I know when your in the full throws of it, it feels very real, but it's the anxiety telling you it's Cancer. I'm certain it won't be. I'm 52 now and as over it all as I'll ever be, but in my late twenties/thirties I suffered terribly, constantly thinking I had Cancer and it never was. Obviously make a GP appointment just to put your mind at rest, but I promise you this will be fine

More blood.. I tell you guys...you say it's fine...I feel better... then there is more blood...I'm panicking...tell you guys...fell better...

Ahhhh

Had my telephone appointment.... they booking me in for CBT I think she said. I can pick the date and time and location.

I felt like a little girl then.

It IS fine, it will settle. Try to keep busy to keep your mind off it. I know it's really hard.

I like the horses and zebras comment.

I keep chanting horses and zebras, horse and zebras.

well done for making the call! Follow thru with your CBT and good luck.

I remember your other thread. I responded then if you remember? I had vv similar HA plus bleeding, etc. Then the pill and it all settled. I have a feeling mine took 3 months to settle. It is totally normal for the pill to make bleeding erratic at first.

Also, just to add a doctor once told me that bleeding after sex is by far the most common symptom of the big c, of all the symptoms listed for cervical cancer. Of course, bleeding after Sex can also mean a million other less sinister things too.

I am feeling a bit calmer.... but think that's because I know in a couple of days I will have a period and then I won't be worried about any blood because I KNOW what that blood is for.

The spotting seems to be there all the time now rather then just once or twice a day...I'm wondering if this pill simply doesn't suit me....that or it is CC and the bleeding is increasing.......

So I'm fast asleep in the middle of the night. All night DP is waking me up for a cuddle which I know he wants to lead onto something else...in my sleep I keep telling him no and pushing him away because he's heavy and hot.

Before we went to bed I explained that I ddint want to do anything again as I just wasn't in the mood. He asked me why I never had a sex drive any more and I explained that I wasn't my self atm and if he remembered/understood I had been offered help but that help hadn't even began yet. He told me his patients was wearing thin. I also explained that Monday was a big day for us (DC has blood tests to see why they have very low muscle tone, development delays) and I just didn't have any decent drive because of all this. He agreed and went to sleep.

All night he has been making a effort to cuddle, touch me...etc anf I have been pushing him away. Probably the 5/6 time he flipped at me. Went absolutely mad. Started calling me and my mum names and blamed how I'm behaving on my mum and said 'All your issues are down to that fat twat'...hes going on and on and on at me saying our relationship is ridiculous, we are only young and having no sex. 'You just need to get a grip'

All the while I'm still asleep and lied there listening to all this but feeling really uptight. My mind is spinning with worry about the increased bleeding (which I have just checked and has gone down to almost nothing now (2.43am)
I'm worried to death about Monday taking DC for bloods and getting hisbrusukts in 5-8 weeks.

So in my sleepy haze...I reach over and smack him across the head so hard my hand hurts. To shut him up. Hes going on and on and I can't listen to that as well as control all these worries in my kind. It's only fucking sex ffs.

Oh god he go's absolutely APE SHIT. Starts punching he bed. Tells me the relationship is off. House being sold etc. Calling me a slag... a cheat ...that's why I am so convinced I have cervical cancer because iv been going round shagging everybody. Hes talking really loud for the middle of the night. He calls me a physical abuser. I tell him that he was emotionally abusing me and I needed him to stop it. I'm tired...I'm asleep and when I'm I don't like to be woken up with all my worries again. Hes going on and on and on at me. I lie in bed sobbing. He asks me why I'm crying. I don't speak, I just get out of bed, check my bleeding and come down.

I can't tell anyone about this in RL.

DC woke up for toilet. He then came down because he saw the light on downstairs. DP heard him coming down so he follows him down. I pretend I have bellyache and I'm waiting for tablets to work. DC crys for me to ake him back up. DP tells me he's sorry and he will sleep in the spare room. He says ' I just wind myself up'

I don't say anything. I have just got tears streaming down my face as DP tucks me and DC back up in our bed. (DC never stays in own bed all night)

I'm not sorry for hitting him round the head tho.
He was really going at me and I was actually asleep.

I'm sorry for putting him through all this tho. He could have been in a relationship now with a nice normal person who had sex with him everynight. I do do everything for him tho, cook, clean, sort his clothes out. I just cant have sex or cuddle him atm.

I'm dreading today... checking, checking, checking alongside me and DP falling out cz

OP I also remember you from your previous thread. Keep pursuing the help for MH issues and remember this is NOT cancer. I think by posting on here you are actually fuelling your problems because you are either relying on others to reply and say you are physically fine (like I have just done), or waiting with baited breath for someone to agree with you that something is wrong.

The problem is, others saying you are fine is temporary reassurance, but it won't help your underlying issues - you need to 'reprogramme' yourself to know there is nothing wrong, and believe it. Waiting for someone else to say there might be something wrong is also fuelling your anxiety because you'll be working yourself up each and every time you check the board. It's a great place for support, but from what I've seen, I would advise you step away and get as much help as possible asap.