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Original poster

Absolutely gutted.Long,sorry

20 replies

wrinklytum · 31/01/2007 23:09

Dp has announced to me tonight that when he visited the dentist 6 months ago she told him he had a patch on the roof of his mouth that looked abnormal.He went for a second check up two weeks ago and she has told him that it has not changed but advises him,understandably,to see the doctor.Obviously I have freaked a bit and insisted he goes to the docs asap.I have told him that it could be absolutely nothing (which COULD be the truth)but that he really should get it checked out.He is a 20 a day smoker.He said he had not told me because he knew I would pressurise him to see gp.The trouble is that I work with cancer patients and assume the worst.We ended up talking about the fact that if heaven forbid it was cancerous what would happen.He stated that even if it was he would not want to go through chemo etc as he just wouldnt be able to handle it.I am jumping the gun but am totally in turmoil.Crap,I know as I should be able to deal with this stuff.I know he is scared,but when he said that if it was malignant he would not be able to go through any treatment has floored me.If he were a patient I would respect his views.My heart is saying but we have two tiny chldren,how can you think like that??Sorry for post but am a bit all over the place!

OP posts:
emkana · 31/01/2007 23:16

I'm really sorry to read you are going through this.

I know it's hard and I know you know this yourself, but don't run ahead of yourself, you don't know anything yet, wait what the doctor says first.

My MIL was diagnosed with cancer this time last year and at first she said she wasn't going to go through with the treatment because she was just so scared, but then she came round to the idea and she is now in remission.

I hope things will turn out well for you.

liquidclocks · 31/01/2007 23:16

Poor you, what a awful situation - big hugs!

Don't jump the gun though, I'm sure there's part of you knows this but wait til he sees the GP, gets tests et etc. My DH has said the same abot chemo process if it were ever to happen that he found a lump or whatever - but I've worked with oncology patients too and you must know that people set out saying that because they're scared but when it comes down to it many change their mind - especially when faced with what they have to lose. Will he go to the docs?

There's really nothing I can say to make you feel better and I feel so useless writing this but lots of hugs and sympathy, and I really hope he's ok.

kathryn77 · 31/01/2007 23:17

wrinkly tum... i am so sorry.

He is probably scared witless and is not thinking straight but needs to go to the Drs and get it checked out. Hopefully it is nothing but either way, you both need to know and then you can deal with whatever comes next.

Perhaps he may feel differently after seeing a dr.

good luck

Original poster
wrinklytum · 31/01/2007 23:27

Thans,everyone.I know I am being crap and needed some MN widom.Hve had a particularly crap day and this has topped it off.Am most upset that the poor guy has taken nigh on 7 months to tell me this.Thanks for your support,Wrinkly.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 31/01/2007 23:40

what an awful time you are having, i assume your DH didn't tell you what the dentist said six months ago because he didn't want to worry you and probably needed time to process it. get him to the GPs for peace of mind, surly the dentist would have refered him to the hospital if he were really worried, it must be a relief for DH that he has told you but hard for you to deal with too. i know some of what you are going throu my DH was DX with both MS & a brain tumour on thursday

liquidclocks · 31/01/2007 23:44

onlyjoking - so sorry.

wrinklytum - don't be too hard on him, he probably didn't tell so as not to worry you at first and then the longer he didn't tell you for, the harder it was to break the silence IYSWIM?

Original poster
wrinklytum · 01/02/2007 00:01

Thank you,only joking.I am so sorry about your dh,it has made me feel that I am worrying about something that MIGHT happen as opposed to reality IYSWIM.Your poor DH and you.I hope that you are getting support.

Liquidclocks,thanK you for your concern,I realise what you are saying,I know he is scared.We are opposites.He is the creative airy fairy one,I am the practical down to earth one.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 01/02/2007 00:06

well to be fair we all worry about things that never end up happening but it doesn't stop us worrying all the same, be kind to yourself your DH has had the info much longer than you have so may be at a different stage of dealing with it, if that makes sense, from a purely practicle sense get him to go to the doctors go with him so that you get the full picture. good luck, and be gentle on yourself as this sort of stuff does knock you for six.

Original poster
wrinklytum · 01/02/2007 00:16

Thanks,Only joking.Hope your dh is doing Ok.Am going to go to docs with dp tommorow,despite fact he is glossing it over.He is scared.

Hugs to you and dh ,

Wrinkly.

OP posts:
DimpledThighs · 01/02/2007 00:35

it is horrible when you are worried but powerless to do anything about it until you find out.

I echo what everyone else said about not jumping ahead of yourself, but I know how hard this can be.

Loads of the things I have terrified myself about have not come to pass.

My thought was if it looked really worrying the dentist would have told him to go to doc straightaway the first time.

Original poster
wrinklytum · 01/02/2007 00:48

Yep,dt,I have said this to him but he will not be reassured by this.Am aware am being crap when I hear of Only Joking.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 01/02/2007 07:50

don't be daft, you have every right to be worried and feel in turmoil and i guess that will only change when you get more information, be strong and drag him to the doctors, let us know how you get on.

onlyjoking9329 · 02/02/2007 09:59

been thinking about you wrinklytum, how are things and has he been to the doctors?

Socci · 02/02/2007 10:02

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Pruni · 02/02/2007 10:14

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Original poster
wrinklytum · 02/02/2007 21:37

hi girls.Many thanks for your messages of support.DP has been to gp today and has been referred on to specialist on 26th of month.Am just relieved I have managed to get him to the docs.Fingers crossed it is nothing serious.

OP posts:
taffy101 · 02/02/2007 21:47

looking on the positive side, it hasn't changed in 6 months which i assume is a good sign - worrying all the same though. Good luck on 26th

Bowbelles · 02/02/2007 21:51

I hope it's positive news on 26th wrinklytum. It's all very worrying, my DH has been for an ultrasound today for pain in his testicle. Told it's prob cysts but has to see GP in 2 weeks for results. My DH has not been able to sleep for ages due to pain and worry but finally went to GP.
You can't help but worry but at least you DH has taken the first step. All the best

onlyjoking9329 · 02/02/2007 22:58

glad to hear he has been to the doctors keep us posted

Socci · 09/02/2007 10:51

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