Difficult births

[Auntylisa]

Hello all,
I'm not a mum but a very involved aunty; my younger sister just had a baby and has post natal depression; she had a very long and complicated birth of her son (about 14 weeks ago) and I really believe she could be suffering from Post Traumatic Shock; she constantly replays it in her mind. She feels very isolated as other friends of hers seem to have an easier time and are taking things in thier stride, and she hasnt met anyone who has had a similar experience. She is ashamed to talk about her situation with anyone in case they think she is a bad person/mother. I am sure that other people must have had this kind of experience? I am worried sick. Anyone had similiar experiences?

really good thread about birth trauma

the thread has some really emotional stories on there, but the upshot is, a lot of women do feel that, but are told, well, baby is ok, so get over it!

she is not alone, and there are links on the above thread to the sheila kitzinger birth crisis line and the birth trauma association

are you a doula muminfife?

Birth Crisis
Midlands: Sheila Kitzinger 01865 300266
South West: Debbie Harrison 01275 542652
London: Heather Allan 020 74854725
Manchester: Judith Kurutac 0161 43445633
Glasgow: Mary Kennedy 0141 9467537

Cx

Muminfife, lulumama and hertsnessex; thank you all so much for your advice and recommendations. I'll pass that onto her and give her premission to clock anyone with a particularly annoying 'oh wells'. I think it will really help her feel less isolated. Hope you are all enjoying your experiences a lot more x

right... i am hoping to be a busy doula quite soon !

that sounded awful ! gosh., sorry ! altough the concept of doulas is only just catching on here ! have sent off my application to doula uk, so am hoping to be on there soon !

Think there's a tendency by new first-time mums to down-play the horror/gore of childbirth too.
Had traumatic time with ds1 (took 9 months to get over it) and I felt very isolated from the other women in my ante-natal group (11 of us - we still meet up from time to time 3 years on) who all seemed to have had wonderful experiences and it caused me even more tears than what I had gone through. When everyone started ttc with number two, though the true stories actually came out and I do remember thinking how I wish I'd known much earlier. (It would have helped to know I wasn't the only one.) My experience wasn't as unique as I'd thought it was. (Admittedly we hadn't known each other very well at that stage.)

I agree that there's a tendency not to talk about the more scary aspects of birth. I had a dreadful experience and clearly remember bursting into tears one time at an NCT meeting where all these other (perfectly groomed) new Mums were billing and coo-ing over their infants and I was still in pain and shock.

One thing I remember was being in the hospital bathroom and pulling the cord because I couldn't mop up all the blood off the floor (I was haemorrhaging) and when the midwife came she told me off! "why are you crying? You've only had a baby!"

The birth trauma website is good. Also Belinda Phipps of the NCT (chair I think) was very helpful to me too. She did a deprogramming thing - same technique used on soldiers with PTSD - and it helped a bit with the flashbacks.

Nearly two years on I still find it traumatic to think about though, even though I eventually persuaded the hospital to give me postnatal counselling. I think your sister is lucky to have someone like you supporting her. Try to make sure she gets the help she needs.

I was thinking that some kind of NLP (Neuro linguisic programming) similar, i think to your treatment might help Verso. I will definately try and encourage her to look at this; i think the thing people dont appreciate with new mums (again, i am childless so i dont want to sound like i know alot!) but purely from observation, that the depression/exhaustion is exactly what stops people from researching/finding help;its jsut one more chore to attend to when your energy and confidence is low. But i am happy to say that i finally got her to join mumsnet last night and she could log on a read all your comments and start to feel at least 'normal', in that you all have stories to tell. WE got her some Cranialosteopathy which helped with the intial shock and i am looking for a good NLP counsellor near her; she is in Teeside near Newcaastle. I have all your advice comforting too; its hard to watch someone you love in pain and desperate. I must be the only childless mumsnetter! but it has been comforting for me too. Thanks.