Am I a bad parent?

[ConfusedW]

My 5 week old DS has been combination fed on breast and bottle since birth. This was due to a combination of caesarean (due to breech), delay in milk, low blood sugar etc in DS. I was not allowed to leave hospital until a feeding pattern of topping my DS up with formula was established and then continued with this to eliminate jaundice. We seemed to be doing well and had a 'sort of' rough routine of 3/4 hourly feeds. The HV was happy with progress and weight gain (he was quite a small baby - 6lb 3oz). This continued until about week4/5 when he became increasingly fractious and then red faced and screaming for several hours. I and HV suspected colic. My GP immediatly asked why I was not breastfeeding exclusivly and told me to go and see breastfeeding counsellor. GP would not address issue until I had done this. I am told that my options are to move exclusively to breast feeding or onto formula. I thought I had a good compromise as both DS and I struggled with the breastfeeding and I have found the whole new baby situation very stressful. I do not feel that I could cope with moving to 2 or so hourly feeds on demand. I am very confused and upset as I feel I am being told that I am a bad parent who has caused my baby's distress, yet I thought both breast fed or formula fed babies could develop colic. Any advice?

Was just about to post the exact same sentiments as the janitor.

Definitely not a bad parent!!!!!!

At 4-5 weeks, babies naturally start to scream - this peaks at 6 weeks. I would thoroughly recommend a book called 'The Happiest Baby on the Block' by Dr Harvey Karp. Explains this crying and how Swaddling, Shooshing, Swinging and Sucking can help relieve this. Colicky crying has never been proven to be linked to pathological colic ('trapped wind').

Your wee sprog is probably also going through a growth spurt. Regular feeding is not addressing this - it may help if you move onto feeding on demand, particularly breast feeding. I know you're not keen on this! (who ever is? )
Your baby may also have periods of thirst, rather than hunger - again scheduled feeding doesn't help this.
The UK does seem to have a trend of either exclusive breast or bottle. When I was in Canada, mixed feeding was very popular, particularly a bottle at night.

What do you feel is best? Neither your GP or HV have any current training in infant feeding so don't beat yourself up if you're not following their advice to the letter.

I guess I am quite scared that I will loose what little sanity and 'me time' that I have by moving to demand feeding. I do not feel confident breast feeding other than at home and would feel scared to try and go out if I went down this route. I feel bad as I know this is selfish.

Please don't be so hard on yourself you are most definitely not a bad parent! I am not sure why you are being advised to go either 100% BF or 100% FF. That does not seem logical to me at all - surely some BF is better than none? I would have thought (not an expert just from own experience) that if the baby hd colic from FF then having some BF would ease this - or perhaps that is complete rubbish!

Many of my friend mixed fed their babies for example BF during the day and giving a bottle of formula last feed, for long periods. I had a lot of problems with BF and occasionally gave DS the odd bottle of formula when I ran out of energy to express and it didn't seem to upset him at all.

Hope you get some expert advice on here, remember you are doing a wonderful job looking after your baby - it is hard work and you need support

its not selfish not to breastfeed. there's a worrying gang of the breastapo out there making us feel bad if we can't bf. your DS will benefit from a happy and relaxed mum, so if FF makes you feel happy and relaxed then do it.

i had terrible thrush, blisters on my nipples and 3 bouts of mastitis when i was bf and only lasted 6 weeks. i tried combination feeding but it didn't suit my DD and i was worried she wasn't getting enough from bf. i felt so guilty but as soon as i started ff i was much healthier, happier and more confident - i'm not saying ff is the answer for anyone, but it was for me. i started feeling well again and enjoying my baby rather than dreading feeding.

your sanity is important!

take care and good luck deciding what to do. and don't let anyone make you feel bad.

That seems very silly advice. In a way I can see them trying to push you to breastfeed more, but then to say if you can't you must exclusively formula feed is ridiculous. Breastfeeding does not prevent colic. I can say this emphatically having had an exclusively breastfed DS with bad colic.

And both my children were mixed fed for many months when I went back to work. I think your problem is not so much with the feeding (although the lack of confidence you feel cannot be helping) but with the stage your DS is at, as highlander describes.

TBH from what you say I think the best advice would be to carry on with the feeding regime you have got, which after all the hospital got you into, and explore other means of helping DS through this phase. It is hard.

hi confused - it always really ticks me off when women are made to feel bad for not exculsively bf - some cant and some dont want to - whichever way you feed your baby needs to suit you both and fit with your life - however you decide to feed your baby is up to you so long as you are both happy
my ds2 screamed and constantly fed for days at a time at this age - dont you just love growth spurts
i wish you both well whatever way you decide to feed x
you sound like a fab mummy to me

Grrr at whoever mentioned the term "Breastfeeding gestapo" sorry, find this terminology very tasteless...but lets not get into that!
To the OP, indeed Baby's go through growthspurts at this age, and 3-4 hourly really does not seem the right timespan between feeds....how about trying to feed every 2-3 hours, if you feel strongly about a routine, this will not mean that this is the feeding schedule forever, your BAby will naturally go to longer gaps.
Surely if your lil one is screaming his head off then,it is not helping keeping your sanity, is it!
Grrr at your unsupportive gp though...!
Have you thought of maybe consulting a osteo path ( I think that is what they are called), if your Baby was breech and then delivered by C-section there is a very big chance that some nerves maybe are trapped!
One thing though, you are not a bad mum, being a new mum is a very stressful time and very knackering to boot....!BUt, and I know this is probably no help right now, but this is only a very short time in your life, Baby's grow up ever so fast, and I know it feels like forever lasting, but it doesn't!

It's really tough, the bf police! I have had probs feeding dd2- tiredness, lack of milk, being too busy, depression.... It was really difficult to get any sensible information, and I haven't had much joy with HVs. In the end I spoke to a BF councellor who suggested using a breast pump. Dear me! DD is now mostly on bottles. You have to feed your baby the best way for you because ultimately that's what will be best for the baby. One HV told me that my own milk was 'low quality'. Oh the joy, the joy!

confusedw you poor thing. This doctor and health visitor should be shot! You are not a bad mother, you are, as we all are, trying our best. You went to the docs for genuine help and they told you that - makes me see red.
I gave all 3 of my girls mainly breast fed and the occasional bottle, this worked well and ment that I had a bit of freedom if I wanted it. Some people say that when they have had the ease of a bottle they dont want the breast, but you dont give them the option at that feed.
All of mine had that crying, I gave infacol, but not sure if it did any help ( you have to build it up).
check what YOU are eating - strawberries, cabbage, onions, etc give them really bad tummies. Lie baby accross your thighs on her tummy and gently but firmly rub her back. Lie her along your body stretching out her legs and pat her bottom. This is all to try and soothe her tummy, if its that thats making her scream.
You probably know all this!! Sorry to waffle on.... best of luck with the crying. I had to put my dd3 in pram on tummy in other room and shut the door to get a break from the screaming (had checked that clean nappy, well fed etc!)

Thank you very much for all the advice. I'm going to have a long chat with my HV today and will look into a couple of suggestions (e.g. cranial osteopathy, and other methods of soothing etc).I have cancelled the follow up appointment with the GP as I want to see how DS gets on over a few more days and think a bit more about the feeding options.

3andnomore - grrr straight back at you. but i agree, no point getting started on it!
you may find the term tasteless but i find it tasteless that there are people out there who find it necessary to make people feel bad if they can't or choose not to breastfeed.

I agree that no one should make anyone feel bad about the way they feed,still no need to use such terms is there....

ConfusedW FWIW all three of my babies were exclusively bf and all had colic, though I believe the incidence of colic is lower in bf than in ff babies so I don't get your GPs logic of all bf or all ff. Does baby take a dummy? We found it very helpful for ds1 and ds2 although ds3 wouldn't have anything to do with dummies or bottles! Could you contact a bf counsellor? IIRC if you are mixed feeding and want to gradually move to exclusively bf I think you're supposed to do it gradually, not all at once.

I was lucky enough to come across a HV assistant that told me breast is best, but so is maternal sanity. I mix feed now with no guilt!!

I had a good chat with my HV. In her view I should continue as I am doing as it seemed to be working for me and my DS. I did talk to a BF counsellor who told me that I was overfeeding and should be demand feeding on the breast or move to FF only. In her view I was in danger of ending up with a 'big fat baby'. I'm being really careful about the amounts that I'm giving in formula and have got some dummies to try and satisfy his sucking need (although he has not taken one yet). I'm going to continue with this for another few weeks.