Have had a nervous breakdown after my mum died 5 weeks ago!

[rfriedli]

HELP!! I lost my Mum five weeks ago and since then, my whole life has crumbled. Me and my husband have hit rock bottom as far as our relationship goes - he knows he was insensitive abou the timimg. Bless him, I do love him and I don't want us to part, neither does he. We have now had a chance to talk properly and not just about those mundane things that take up our lives. Also, I wanted my mum to die, she was so poorly and had no quality in her life. I have spent the last 2 years organising her life and my Dad's and ignoring my own.I have a beautiful daughter who I love so much, she is my life and I believe I have clung to het when times were bad and ignoring my husband in the process. I conceived her through IVF first time so it does happen. All I want is to have my life back, I know it's not going to be easy but I wondered if anyone else out there had any suggestions on keeping positive when times are bleak. My local GPs have tried to prescribe anti-depressants, but I have had such horrific side-effects that I am very wary to try them. I contacted a mama's retreat called mamahaven who recommended I log on here, and to try St john's Wort., What do others think?

I look forward to hearing from you all, thanks in anticipation.....

You poor thing.

You are still grieving for your Mum. Even if it was a merciful release you will still grieve.

I don't have much advice but there are lots of people on here who will have.

Welcome and hope you start feeling better soon.

Firstly want to say you are so brave and strong after what you have been through.

It is so hard caring and organizing someones life and death. I think it is onlY natural that you feel this way hun, t'sonly been 5 weeks.

Don't be so hardon yourselfyou have a lot to cope with right now.

I lost my mum 2 years ago (cancer) so I know how difficult it is, I was pregnant with dd at the time and like you it is her that kept me going.

I went on ad's after I had her as i think the impactadfter mums death hit me when I gave birth, I realised what being a mother means and I wanted to share it with mum and Icouldnt.

not all ad's suit everyone, you might have to try a few to find one that suits you, if you are feeling very desperate ad's are a good place to start getting you back on your feet.

Also you need to talk about your mum (when you are ready) don't feel forced into talking about it now if you don't want to.

it will get easier hun, I know it doesnt feel that way now. but in time it wont hurt as much and you can smile when you think of her.

lots of hugs you deserve them! xxxx

rfriedli, I am so sorry about your mum. When my dad died suddenly, five years ago now, I totally went to pieces. So I really do understand.
Five weeks is a very short time, you are still deep in shock and grief. I think you are right not to go on anti-ds, as I did and I think it just delayed the grieving process.
Men can be insensitive - after my dad died, my dh said things like "what on earth are you crying for?" and "I think you're making too much of this"!!

Please, give yourself time. After two years of your mum's illness and only a few weeks after her death, things may get worse before they get better. But they WILL get better. Be gentle with yourself.

I don't have any better suggestions, you don't have to be positive right now, allow yourself to grieve.

Just wanted to let you know that I am here and I do understand.

Poor you, bereavement is very very hard. \link{http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/Cruse may have some useful info}. Please don't do anything drastic while you're still grieving, it's an odd time and you might not make the best decisions. And don't be hard on yourself, do anything and everything you can do to get through it. If that means sleeping more/eating well/drinking more wine than you might usually then do it (I'm not advocating a slide into alcoholism, obviously! but if it helps in the short term, it helps.) I walked miles and miles a week after my dad died (2001), it really hugely helped me but do whatever works for you.

And cliched but true, time passsing does help, this will pass and you will feel better eventually but it does take time. It must be an odd mixture of relief and grief you're feeling if your mother's quality of life was terrible towards the end. I am sorry.

In your position I would go back to the GP and ask for a different anti depressant, it does sometimes take trying a few to get the right one I gather. Or if you don't want to do that then stick with the St John's Wort for a while and see how you get on with that.

Have you got rl friends to support you? I hope so, don't be afraid to ask them for help too if you need it. But welcome to mumsnet, you'll get lots of support here, it's a great site.

Sorry, link was pants,

Cruse

Some great posts here and thinking of you.
I tried Lofepramine (AD) and had no side effects at all when others (SSRIs) had been awful.
Hope the cruse link helps.
xxx

So sorry for your loss, as other have said, it doesnt feel like it now, but in time you will feel stronger.
Take care and keep posting.

im so sorry to hear that youre going thru a traumatic time... it does take time as time is a healer - iykwim?

I feel for you and things will get better. It's early days and you need to give yourself a chance to recover. Be nice to yourself and do something which you really enjoy, try to focus on the good and simple things and with time your life will return to normal.