Think dh is on verge of nervous breakdown - how to cope

[CopingWithAnxiety]

DH's work has been getting more and more stressful for months now. I can tell it has been getting to him. He never stops, works long hours, brings it home in the evenings. DD is very hard work at the moment, not sleeping and generally being a nightmare, which has made home life very fraught for a while.

I think he has now cracked. He can't stop crying and is letting silly worries take over. Not sleeping, acting strangely, talking about suicide or running away. This behaviour sounds extreme, but he is still in work, somehow carrying on.

What should I do? I can't force him to get medical help because he won't let me, and that would make me seem like 'the enemy' rather than supporting him. No idea what to do.

god, you poor thing - i feel for you.

i understand about not knowing what to do as my DH never wants help or as he sees it "fuss" when he is down or stressed. its really frustrating cos you feel you can do nothing but sit it out. if it were my DH i would try and get a holiday as soon as possible to alleviate some stress for him.

if he's talking about suicide though, something more drastic needs to be done - is there anyway you could go and talk to a psychiatrist if he really won't? i'm sure you have already, but he obviously has so much going for him - a good job, a family, his health? even calling the samaritans for advice might be a good idea?

sorry, i don't feel like this is much help, but really hope you get through it. take care. x

thanks for your advice moodlesoup, it has helped. I think just writing it down has helped actually. A holiday is a good idea. Unfortunately my parents are staying this weekend, but I think I am going to ask if they can look after the dds for a morning while we go out somewhere just the two of us. I don't think the suicide thing is a real threat - it is just something he said had never crossed his mind before now.

Bleuurghhh - just feel very scared and stressed about the whole thing.

Go to your GP and ask their advice.
As well as support and input from you, your dh needs professional help. I know what I'm talking about. Be tough with him, because it's for his own good, for the sake of your marriage, and because he is too unwell at the moment to make this move himself.
If he starts stressing about being signed off, it is possible to deal with moderate clinical depression with good support without having to take time off work, so you and the GP could try to reassure him on that front.
Good luck.

feel for you CWA- was in a very similar situation last summer. i went to my own Gp to ask for advice and she was really helpful.( get some support for yourself)
general advice- don't force him into talking aboutit with you(try encouraging him to go out with one of his mates)
coax him into a day out over the weekend- fresh air and a bit of distance from home night help get things in perspective
break routine somehow- misery and stress are habits- if you can find a way to break the cycle it might help
lots of love and hugs- thinking of you

is there any way you could cancel your parents? if my parents were coming to stay it probably would push my DH over the edge!! i'm sure they'd understand... sounds like you guys just need some chilled out time together. take care and make sure you look after yourself.

I might get away somewhere with the dds, to give him a bit of space to relax. But it might be too late for that. I am seeing the GP on Thursday for myself, so will talk to her then.

Writing it all down has made it seem more real. Before that I was kind of pretending it would all go away.

I can't cancel my parents - it is complicated - but they have to stay one night. They have no idea there is anything wrong. dh gets on well with them - he may even open up to my dad.

I feel like packing a bag and leaving with the girls. I think there is a recent trigger to this, that dh is feeling guilty about something. He gave me a story about what it was, but I didn't believe anyone could get so stressed about something so trivial.

Still, I don't want him to top himself no matter what he has done. So I would rather not know what is eating him up if it is going to break us up. At least not till he has calmed down a bit.

maybe thats an idea - your dad and he could have a chat.... hang in there, try not to think about it too much if you can as it will make it seem bigger in your head than it already is. i always overthink and then my problems seem insurmountable. try and get some time to talk to him honestly. maybe if you told him how scared this is making you feel? good luck CWA - lots of love x