Worried about dp, long one...

[LaDiDaDi]

I'm concerned about my dp's health.

Approx 2-3 months ago he developed what he has described as severe pains in his abdomen/chest. These pains can be variable in their intensity, sometimes being extremely severe, at other times more of a niggle. He smokes and did drink what I would estimate to be the upper limit of acceptable for a man, ie about 25 units per week.

He cut down on his drinking drastically in the month running up to Christmas and lost a stone in weight and was pain free as a result however over the festive season he drank moderately and has since had some pain.

Dp has convinced himself that he has chronic pancreatitis. I feel responsible for this as one night in bed when a bit sleepy I suggested that his pancreas might be the problem. I don't really think it is the cause of his problem, I think that his pain has more than likely been caused by gastritis secondary to excess alcohol and the crap food that he eats when drinking. However dp has been looking at pancreatitis on the internet and is extremely worried that either that is what is wrong or that he is otherwise seriously ill. He even seems to think that his weight loss is related to illness rather than not drinking highly calorific cider and eating pizza.

No matter how much I try to reassure him he becomes even more convinced. His gp has given him some omeprazole but he refuses to take it because he doesn't believe that it will help him. He has had some blood tests and gets the results on Thursday. I asked him if he would feel reassured by normal results but he said "Absolutely not, blood tests can be normal and you can still be very ill". He also at times suggests that he is "riddled with cancer".

Today when he came home from work I was sitting on the sofa with dd and he welled up with tears and said that he had had to take our picture down from the wall at work because every time he looked at it he felt sad that he wouldn't be there for her. He texted me today to say that 40% of those with chronic pancreatitis die within 5 years. He hasn't been out with friends since we had people round at New Year and this really isn't like him also we haven't had sex since before xmas as he seems to have entirely lost his libido although he tells me how much he loves me every day. At times he seems very anxious and he frequently makes comments about not being here in the future.

In short i am as worried about his mental health as he is about his physical health. I think that he is developing a significant health anxiety problem and is getting depressed.

I would appreciate anyone's views about this and how I can best help my lovely dp.

could it be an ulcer?

OK, he needs to start off with going to see the GP, they will be able to expalin likely causes and probably offer some investigations.
He has obviously convinced himself that he has this, the internet is very powerful and gives a lot of info to people who do not have the background knowledge to absorb it and use it properly.
Pancreatitis is incredibly painful, normal during an acute attck requires morphine pain relief in hospital.
It is important he gets checked out, maybe he has an ulcer? That would also fit in with his symptoms as would gall stones, these can all be treated relatively easily.

Sounds to me that he has either developed Depression or is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I wouldn't worry too much about the physical health - believe me - a friend of mine lost her husband last year just 3 months after diagnosis with an aggressive tumour - blood tests led to a referral which discovered secondary tumours on his lungs.

His physical symptoms sound more like Hiatus Hernia - but why doesn't the plonker take the medicine his GP gave him?

I think best advice is for you to make an appointment with his GP to discuss the mental symptoms. Advice from MNers, however well meaning, isn't going to get to the root of the problem

Gosh, poor chap. Do you have an understanding GP he can talk it through with? I do know how he feels. I found a lump in my breast last year, and as there is a strong history of breast cancer in my family I immediately convinced myself it was cancer.I could barely function until I had my breast clinic appointment and (thank God) found out it was nothing to worry about. I think he really needs to talk it through with someone who knows what they're talking about.

Yes, I've suggested it could be an ulcer and I've previously asked him to get his GP to refer him for an endoscopy but either he hasn't asked or the gp has refused, he's a bit vague about what's said in the consultations.

I know that pancreatitis can be extremely painful and that he doesn't actually have any other symptoms that could fit with it.

can you get him to the gp and get him to explain the ideas he has of what he thinks it is? If he does this they may be able to explain what they think it is, what tests they want to do and why they don't think it is e.g. chronic pancreatitis (if they don't think it is that).

They may also be able to help with his anxiety and be able to look further into his mental health.

Would you be able to get him to go and explain this? WOuld he agree to e.g. you going with him?

If he is normally quite anxious and stressed can't that contribute to an ulcer as well?

Sounds stress related to me . Poor him but at least he has a really supportive wife who has noticed.I didnt notice all the symptoms dh was showing-he had chest pain and thought he had angina ! One day he was late home from work and to cut a long story short he just had a sort of breakdown.He was sitting in the car and couldnt remember how long hed been there or why ect.I know it might sound exteme but can you sort out 2 weeks off work for him.2 weeks of nothing but rest and tlc really helped my dp.I dont think hed ever had a day off sick before.He should heve gone to see gp but fortunately we both knew it was stress and could help him.I did have to phone his work though.Is there anything else that could be worrying him ? I was really shocked to find dh had got very behind in his job to the point of no return.Its very hard for a man to admit to any sort of problem like that sometimes (a bloke thing ).Nowadays i reassure dh that his health and happiness is number one-if work gets too much i would support him even if we have to sell up and live in a tent as a consequence ect.
Its so bl*y heart breaking to see your man cry - hope you can get to the bottom of it soon and that he is better.

mosshy's post is a really good one. I agree about reassuring him that health and happiness is more important than anything else.

Worries and paranoia about health matters is a really, really common sign of anxiety. He's projecting all his anxiety onto this area.

I do think a serious chat with him is needed and he needs to go to his gp about the anxiety. They usually have counsellors they can refer to who can be really helpful, giving some basic strategies to help your dh dig himself out of this way of thinking.

But I do think it's important now and again to say to eachother, it's PEOPLE who matter; even if we had to sell the house, etc etc; possessions and houses don't matter that much. Sometimes this can take the pressure off a bit. Sometimes you don't even know you feel under pressure till it's lifted.

good luck. Hope it's all clear and he can start to get some help. He does sound as if he's in an anxiety state and he may well also be depressed. It can so easily be sorted, he just needs to take a first step. x

Thankyou all for your responses. He seems little bit less stressed and low today but I'm not sure if that's a true reflection of how he feels or if he is trying to hide things from me.

I really hope that the gp is able to reassure him with some normal blood tests on Thursday.

He doesn't really have a source of stress at the moment that I'm aware of although I've just returned to work after mat leave and that is a change for us all. He has had episodes of acute anxiety/panic attacks before but these have all been related to specific circumstances such as flying.

I will keep you updated.