HELP! face half swollen, skin red and horrible, need to make this go away

[thatcoldfeeling]

PLEASE help! I know the cause, sort of. Sort of wondered if this maybe needs a trigger warning in title due to cause, but it is not abt eating disordered behaviour. I know there is an ED subforum but this is abt an effect rather than the ED per se, so I hope okay to post here?

So yeah, I am an idiot and once again in a binge/purge cycle. Have seen gp after a particularly horrible day of it and am now on a higher dose of fluoxetine and have had bloods taken. But this hideous side effect has never happened and it is really quite disturbing!

When I woke up the morning after the first day I lapsed back into this (a few weeks ago), there was a small rough dry patch just up from the corner of my mouth, and my lips felt (but didn't look) swollen. It has gradually got worse and worse and became an area of dry/itchy/peeling skin from the corner of my mouth going up to my cheek, a bit bigger than a £2 coin. Have been slathering w E45 and tea tree alternately, with little effect. Luckily I have a job where I can mostly work from home. Well, sort of luckily, I wouldn't binge/purge so much if I had to be in work all day, but at least nobody has to see my face, although due to other commitments I do have to leave the house!

Yesterday was a particularly bad day of binge/purging. Last night my bastarding face hurt so bad I couldn't sleep and I could feel the skin was weeping. It was hideous. Had to take neurofen to sleep in the end. This morning, oh-my-god I look HIDEOUS. Half my top lip is noticeably swollen, extending to my cheek, and all of this and more is red, yucky flaky weepyness. I really do look totally and utterly grotesque! PLEASE help, I know I am a total idiot but I really need urgent sort-my-face-out advice.

Please try not to purge if you can or the antibiotics wont work

You cannot purge, you need these anti biotics. It will spread across your face if you don't get them kicking in ASAP. What did they give you? You should be on 500mg fluclox every four hours.

Its okay, the antibiotics seem to have killed my appetite so I am not eating much anyway, so actually I don't feel I need to purge.

Still swollen red and horrible but a distinct improvement on the horrors of yesterday. Still feeling all self pitying and generally ill, moping around the house looking miserable and so very, very ugly!

And yes - I'm on 500mg x 4 per day.

Although massively want to purge now I have eaten. :( fucking hate my stupid life :(

Don't hat your life, hate your ED
Have you ever had specialist treatment for your need to binge and purge?

Glad your face is feeling a bit better - that's something

'Hat'? hate - don't hate your life

Nope but have actually just been referred and got a booking letter today (I've 'only' been doing this 18 years & other ED behaviour for longer & have raised it w Drs in desperate moments many times, but I'm not thin so it comes to nothing, prob will this time too).

Naw, a very low BMI will get people more concerned from an 'immediate danger to your physical health' point of view, but ED behaviours are all about the behaviours and dysfunctional relationship to food.
Many bingers/purgers are a perfect weight - doesn't make it any less destructive.

Good luck this time - I hope you meet some enlightened people who can offer you help.

Thanks...I hope so too.

God I'm an idiot. Binge purged. Then drove to next town and did it again.

I don't know why it makes my stupid face worse but I could feel the skin there hurting like hell when I was purging and when I looked in the mirror all the skin is peeling really badly and it now feels swollen again.

Not sure whether try here are any bigger morons in the world than me right now. I honestly do not enjoy looking like a freak with manky skin

There. Not 'try here'

And just done it again I can't stop would be better dead.

No no no ! you wouldn,t be better off dead.
Is there an ooh doctors or clinic you could get to and get some help, or a family member or friend
Please don't do something stupid you can get through this you really can

No, only RL friend who knew abt this isn't a very good friend anymore.
Cant imagine what i wld even say on an OOH call, can't do that.
My stomach hurts now so I don't suppose I will do it again, but have to stay up a while now to space taking meds and eating, which I presume is still the case even having purged.
Hate my life but I won't actually end it, not right now.

Just have something small and simple (like toast or rice pud or something) ,
the anti B's need to get into your system to work
You can and will get through this and get more professional help on Tuesday or tomorrow if you need to

The first and most important thing you must do, is stop the self-hatred and ott self-criticism - it's not helping and just makes you feel worse. So, stop it!

I still think you should see a dr face to face, just to assess what the infection in your face is doing.
RL help for ED will have to wait until normal service resumes on Tuesday, but you now there are psych services available 24/7 if you need them.

Samaritans

Also google 'b-eat' - I cannot link, won't connect to their server - there's a specialist helpline for ED.

Now put that stick down with which you are beating yourself up!!

Thnx both, can't eat now need to be able to take antibiotics and get to bed. Feeling all post b/p spaced out, detached, sort of like on drugs which is good. Good in my head anyway prob not good as a parent.
Seeing gp weds anyway for blood test results, so she will get to see my hideous face. Hopefully it will be getting better by then though.
Stopping saying how useless I am is hard, it is a constant voice in my head yelling at me at the moment. Will look at links tmrw when feel less like on drugs.

Maybe don't try and stop the " useless " voice. Try just noticing it in a "oh yeh, there's that voice again. I know it isn't as true appraisal of the situation even though it v feels real. Then of possible try and let it just " flow by " and maybe do something bit distracting, but gently . In my experience trying to argue or shut up negative voices just makes them fight back harder, but noticing in a detached way has been a first step in them reducing and being less powerful.

That sounds kinda logica educating.

Am trying to let myself have 1000 cals today and not purge but feel just so fat and wrong

Stupid face is not swollen this morning like I thought it might have been from purging, but the skin is v dry this morning.

how you doing coldfeeling hope you have had a better 24hrs

Oh thank you Somewhere.
Still just b/p'ing and a stupid mess. So many important things I had to do today including getting an appointment from my gp referral, and taking steps to deal with a real issue in my life atm unrelated to health (but making it worse prob).
Done none of it :( I think I am addicted to making myself have that post b/p 'lull'. Poss hypoglycemia induced!? Think I need to get some valium. Prob a safer way to zone out.

On the plus side though... my face is noticeably less red!!! Am actually soooo pleased about this. Obvs my idea of a celebration leaves a lot to be desired, but I am so relieved.

Glad to hear your poor face is better.

I doubt that Valium is a productive strategy for you - yes, will give your a short-term 'lull', but you'd develop a tolerance and then a dependence on it quickly. V v dangerous slippery slop.
IMO you should seek to figure out why you are 'addicted' to the 'lull' and what healthier strategies you could replace that feeling with.

Hmm, you are probably right. I have had to wean myself off diazepam previously, it was pretty awful.

I think the universe is trying to tell me I should not eat. This bizarre incident just happened to me...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2602779-Argh-oven-on-fire-aka-why-i-shouldnt-cook?watched=1

Obviously nuance is impossible to read in an online post and apologies if I am not picking up on you being a bit tongue in cheek here, but: I am concerned about how you are going about thinking about things. Without having read the thread you've linked to why should the universe have anything to do with whether you should or should not eat? Why would it care??
You physical and mental health certainly relies on you giving your body AND your mind the fuel humans need to function. Nought to do with the universe or an oven fire or any kind of perceived benefit of the lull you feel after b/ping.

I hope you find the help you need very soon.
Apologies if I am totally on the wrong track.