All the fives... Tamoxigang cancer support thread 55

[WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo]

Welcome newbies and oldies to our 55th thread!

Our previous thread is here.

If you have any sort of cancer please feel free to join us. We are always happy to offer a hand to hold if you're waiting for test results too.

There are no stupid questions here, and there will usually be someone who can answer, or point you in the right direction.

Looking good Boobz, happy birthday !

Mishmash I'm sorry you have this worry it's horrid waiting, fingers crossed for good results soon x

Hi there mishmash. Your anxiety a this time is totally normal and understandable. I have breast cancer and know exactly what you are going through as you wait for your results. As leslie said it is actually very good that you are getting this thorough investigation and hopefully it will put your mind at rest as there are so many different things that could be the matter and not necessarily cancer. I feel for you and we are all here to support you as you wait. Have you told anybody close? Is there any specifiic thing you normally do to helo with your anxiety? Feel free to come and express your qorries and feelings here as much as you need to.
Bst of luck.

Boobz happy birthday and i must say you look fab ( the two of you)

Mishmash The waiting is definately the hard part and this thread is great for asking questions or just having a rant!

Boobz Wow you look amazing and a very happy birthday.

News from Rover Towers is that radiotherapy has been delayed as my infected seroma hasn't healed as fast as they thought it would and I now have another lot of antibiotics. Also have to see the radiologist, my surgeon and have a heart scan this week and of course all the appoinments are on different days! Really wish it would heal up and I could get on with radiotherapy.

Fantastic boobs Boobz, go you!!

Mishmash I echo PP's re the wait - nothing is worse than that initial wait for diagnosis - whether negative or positive. What I can say is that a non-concerned consultant could well be a good sign. I have generally found from my biopsy, to diagnosis, to now (post lumpectomy, awaiting results to determine next course of action), each step of the way the BC docs and team have been quite good at giving a 'quiet' heads up until something is made official. Fingers crossed your consultant not being too concerned is their way of giving you that quiet heads up

Thank you everyone. royalmama ; I told hubbie only last night AFTER I had been to clinic and had biopsy. He told me off for not telling him. Worried now that I may have massively downplayed the whole thing to him and if it's bad news he will be completely unprepared. Need To go now and muster some strength to cook dinner for my 4 children and maybe eat for the first time in 48hrs.

Boobz - happy birthday, you look fabulous.
Mishmash - here is another hand to hold.
Rover - it is cruel how slowly time can go, I hope you heal enough to have radiotherapy soon.

Mishmash, Take heart from the fact they're not worried. They really do like to be very sure but I know that doesn't relieve the stress you're now under.

Fantastic boobz!

Chewingawasp, how are you doing? Have you got an appt through yet?

Hello sleepy, good to see you, I was thinking about you earlier. Are you feeling more comfortable?

I'm trying to infiltrate the gynaecology dept at my local hospital to get an appt about my bleeding. I've left messages which haven't been returned for a week now, getting very pissed off. I'm considering using BUPA. So a question. Has anyone mixed NHS care with BUPA successfully? The bleeding us a SE of the tamoxifen so in theory should be discussed with the whole team but if I can't get into gynae how can this happen and will going private be detrimental to my whole care?

Hi everyone. Someone recommended I pop in and say hello here. I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant and have just (last week) berm diagnosed with cancer in my brain! I also have a 13 month old DD. Don't really know anything about what the plan is yet - I've got an appointment with a neuro surgeon on 31st May to see how we move forward. Can't say I was expecting this at the age of 31, and given that I had no symptoms whatsoever before last Sunday when I had 9 seizures in 24 hours! At least it meant the diagnosis was quick! Anyway that's just me saying hello!

Hope you are doing ok Sleepy

Mrs Rhod that's awful they are not getting back to you. No experience sorry but hope you can get an appointment soon

Little grey welcome though sorry yiu have to be here. You must be in shock, I think the worse time is when you find out you have cancer but don't yet know how you are going to be treated. Once you have a plan in place you can take it one day at a time

Love to all,I'm off to bed night night x

I am bearing up thanks mrsrhod but not sleeping too great. Not heard about appointment yet but hopefully will in the next couple of days. Sorry to hear about your appointment difficulties- hope it gets sorted soon.
Hi littlegrey. I am new here too and it seems a friendly, supportive place to be .

Morning all, chewing I'm sorry to hear you don't have an appt yet, as everyone says this initial waiting is so difficult. There's no way round it I'm afraid. I know you said your home situation is difficult at the moment, will you have to go alone to the hospital?

Hi littlegrey, it was me who suggested you come here, hi. I don't know if you've looked over the last few pages but if you do you will find rust who had a baby about ten days ago. There are a few new people on here at the moment, just diagnosed or waiting like you two.

If you need to ask anything please do, or just have a rant. Keep away from Google.

I'm going to be back on the phone to gynae this morning, I'm so pleased the breast team are not this bad..

Mrs, i hope you manage to get that appointment.
Welcome to those who have joined us. Chewing and littlegrey. As the lovel ladies above said, this is a good place to be during this time. Ask away or just express your feelings here. We have all been there and know wha it is like.
Waving to everybody else.

So I've just found out my BC cells after lumpectomy are grade 3 rather than 2, with some micrometastases in the SN. Team wants to do an OncotypeDX test to figure out what's the next course of action but the test takes 7-14 days. So yet another thing to wait for.

Anyone else here had that test? I believe it's a good tool to decide chemo but now I think if I'm in the grey area, why not just crack on with chemo??

People say, you're 39, that's good but the younger you are the faster your cells grow. I feel like time is running away.

I'm floored tbh and just a little bit meh

Mrs hope you got an appointment sorted today ?

Fly I was upgraded from 2 to 3 as well and was 41 when I was diagnosed. Right from the start before the biopsies were back my surgeon said that he expected I would need chemo because of my age so to be honest j expect you will need it too. It is hard but if you think of it as being just to mop any stray cells up so that you can go on and live a long life it's worth it. I asked about being young making the cells grow quicker and they said not necessarily. It is a lot to get your head around so bad kind to yourself and take one day at a time

Hi all and hi to newcomers. Hi littlegrey, I had my baby on Saturday and had a mastectomy and lymph clearance at 35 weeks pregnant. My little man is just perfect. Good luck with your treatment. Boobz, happy birthday you look fabulous! And thank you for replying to my message. I am going to get a second opinion on the chemo regime. I had my ct scan yesterday and am terrified of the results which I may get tomorrow. I also think I can feel some thickening in my remaining breast so getting that checked tomorrow too. I don't know if it's partly the hormones after birth but I feel as panicky about everything now as I did at the beginning. I am barely eating and getting little sleep (not due to baby). I just cannot stop thinking about it for a single second of the day. I feel like my odds of beating this looking online are terrible and my heart could break thinking of my children. This sounds ridiculous as well but I feel really panicky just having cancer like I want to rip it out of by body. I'm sorry, I'm no use with support. I can barely get myself together. How do you find your strength???

Rust, having a baby and dealing with cancer is defintely no walk in the park. My heart goes out to you. I dont think strength is so ething anybody chooses to be honest. I just think some people find a way to cope which seems to others to be working, but each and every one of us is scared and anxious . We just do so in our different ways. You are doing so well. Really you are. There is no perfect way. Just what you can do and what is best for you. If being distarcted works for you thenby allmeans distract yourswlf. If being surrou ded with others , loved o es works then that. Perhaps you feel better talking about how you feel and letting it all out. I keep my own personal cancer diary. It really does help me.
Take care and dont worry about supporting others at this stage. You will get the chance.

Gosh I'm sorry about all of the typos in my last post, think I'm tired !

Rust it does get a bit easier with time, I'm still terrified but life does take your mind off it a bit -work, kids etc. Good luck for your results tomorrow x

Rust, one day at a time. Your anguish is clear and absolutely understandable. You're coping with the very best and worst of life all at the same time and of course you're worried for your children. I think we all feel that fear, but a new baby, that's uniquely distressing. I think that because of the timing of this for you and the necessary delay in tests and proper diagnosis you are emotionally some way behind where you might be otherwise. I know it's hard to believe but this level of stress will lessen, your body can't keep this up forever. I've always found that when waiting for results having to go over a weekend without news is very upsetting so I hope you do hear tomorrow. Each little step brings you closer to getting better. Don't worry about having to support anyone else and keep posting if it helps at all. We're all behind you.

Rust, sometimes it just comes down to breathing through the next minute tbh. None of us are actually brave.

All you can do is hold your loved ones close and hope it gets better in the morning.

Actually I really shut myself in my room and planned my funeral obsessively while creating lots of snotty tears and snivelling noises and feeling sorry for myself.

Sleeping pills from the doctors and forcing myself to go out every day helped as did listening to podcasts in the dead of night.

Things that did not help me are going on Google (always tells you that there is no hope) or drinking a great deal of booze (embarrassing sad karaoke followed by two day misery hangovers).

I second listening to podcasts in the dead of night. Has to be conversation though, music doesn't work, too much opportunity to think.

I've got through the last few months by focusing on the small stuff which helps me forget the big issues (as I can't do much about those anyway). I picked a small task each day- sorting out my wardrobe, planning a weekend away, buying gifts, learning how to do makeup, sorting out drawers, researching the best diet etc.

Not sure my anxiety is being kept in check now. Haven't been on meds for 12 years but last night I got weakness in right arm and tingling in arm. This was always first sign of anxiety getting worse years ago. It happened as I made the mistake of looking at my left breast ( been wearing high cut tops and no shower since Tuesday) and it bruised and red. Does biopsy cause your boob to swell slightly. Am assuming so but all along I have worried about IBC (as clear mammo) so now I have a noticeably fuller boob I am in a scary place anxiety wise.

mish, biopsy does cause swelling, my boob was noticeably bigger and very bruised after the core biopsy. This lasted a long time too (months) and there was lots of visible bruising. If it is very red or hot I would get it checked as it might be signs of an infection.

Hi mish, just want to echo what fresta said. You do get bruising and it can be very tender. I don't think there's any reason why you can't shower though, presumably you've just got a tiny dressing or plaster. I hope you can keep busy over the weekend, just do whatever you need to get through the waiting.