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Original poster

FIL has lung cancer - hasn't stopped smoking!!

14 replies

chicaguapa · 29/12/2006 16:36

Can anyone excuse his attitude as I'm having difficulty? He has two children (DH and brother) and 3 grandkids.

OP posts:

SherlockLGJ · 29/12/2006 16:37

What is his prognosis ??

If he is going to die anyway, why should he suffer the agonies of cold turkey as well as treatment ??

FredBassett · 29/12/2006 16:39

Was going to say the same as LGJ

charliecat · 29/12/2006 16:39

Its too late now The more he thinks about stopping the more he wants to smoke.
Stupid as that may seem, he wont be on his own, there will be many smokers still smoking as they they have legs taken off, lose thier sight etc etc.
whyquit.com if he has net access and wants to quit.
Your poor DH

mancmum · 29/12/2006 16:40

was going to say the same as LGJ .. he is probably scared and now is not the time to give up your major crutch in life, even if it is killling him.. the prognosis for lung cancer is never good, so maybe he is thinking of quality of life?

Hard for you though....

Miaou · 29/12/2006 16:40

I'm afraid that's my immediate reaction too chicaqua - sorry if that sounds unsympathetic.

WideWebWitch · 29/12/2006 16:41

John Diamond was told by his doctors that continuing to smoke would make no difference (he'd given up 10 yrs earlier iirc) so he did. My dad died of lung cancer and would have carried on smoking if he'd have been physically capable of it. He wasn't, he needed oxygen just to breathe he really was incapable of smoking a cigarette. Please don't be angry with him, it's a horrible death enough without anger from his family and ILs. I am sorry, poor FIL and dh and you.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 29/12/2006 16:48

I can absolutely see where you're coming from. Dh's grandfather had an aortic annurism 5 years ago and despite doctors telling him his next cigarette could kill him he still couldn't give up smoking. He'd smoked for 60 years and just couldn't give it up. He died a year later. If your fil is going to die anyway, then best he be allowed to die doing all the things he loves in his life, and unfortunately that also includes smoking. Just be there for him, and for DH

winnie · 29/12/2006 16:53

My Mum died of lung cancer. She had given up smoking years before however I do know two people who had lung cancer and didn't stop smoking. In all honesty the damage is done and the stress involved in giving up cigerettes is a huge added burden for the patient. Agree with WWW please don't be angry. I am sorry for you all

Original poster

chicaguapa · 29/12/2006 19:20

Thanks for those comments. I take them all on board. We haven't been told that the prognosis isn't good and I suppose we are trying to stay optimistic thinking that he has a chance.

His only option is radiotherapy as he apparently wouldn't survive having a partial lung removal as his lung capacity is so poor.

I guess I thought by carrying on smoking he was giving up on the fight to survive. It sends a terrible message to his family but maybe that's the only message anyway.

OP posts:

Firepile · 29/12/2006 19:51

I am sorry to hear about your fil. This must be impossibly hard for you and your dh. Please try not to be angry with your fil - many many smokers do not quit, even after they become seriously ill with a smoking-related disease. It's hard to understand, but tobacco addiction is very strong - nicotine is as addictive as heroin and cocaine. Why do you think that most smokers say they want to quit, but fewer than 3% of unaided quit attempts work...

Having said that, he may respond better to treatment if he does give up, so it is still probably worthwhile for him to do so, if he is able to.

Your fil really needs your support and understanding now. This is a horrible situation for everyone. Good luck.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 29/12/2006 19:59

Well... [cue reformed smoker rant]... I smoked for 15 years and still gave up when I got pregnant. I didn't respect myself enough to not smoke but respected my kids more. I understand if he doesn't care about himself in that way. but I find it hard that my FIL appears not to have that respect for his kids if giving up smoking could make him live longer.

I DO feel less angry with him now. Unfortunately he's in a very unhappy marriage which he tried to get out of 2 years ago but bottled it. My step-MIL is worried he's not going to fight and I can see where she's coming from. It wouldn't surprise me in the least and I can't help but feel that by continuing to smoke he's giving up already.

Does anyone know if there's support for people whose parents have cancer. I think it would be helpful if there was a message board where DH could post his thoughts to others in the same position.

OP posts:

Blandmum · 29/12/2006 20:07

cancer bacup will help support families.

If her is terminally ill he will have been told, and will have access to a macmillan nurse. If he has been offered this help make sure he takes it. Not only will they support him, but also the rest of the family.

Dh's macmillan nurse is fantastic.

If he has a chance of life,( and I realise that he may not) and is smoking it away, he is an fucking idiot. Not all cancer patients have a chance, dh doesn't, and he has never smoked in his life

Original poster

chicaguapa · 29/12/2006 20:18

Well, we will get more info next week. I am starting to read up on it so I can understand it all as I feel that we are only getting snipets and simplified versions. If I have all the facts I can help to prepare DH.

I am pleased to say that we donate to MacMillan Nurses every month as the one DH's grandma had was wonderful. Unfortunately we live too far from FIL to benefit from one ourselves and I couldn't give two hoots for SMIL.

OP posts:

Blandmum · 29/12/2006 20:23

Our macmillan nurse is fantastic and has helped dh have a quality of life that I would never have thought possible. Because she has controled his symptoms he is still with me......if he had gone on the way he was he wouldn't have lived up to christmas.

I hope your FIL gets linked up to them, they are just so practical and helpful. I couldn't cope without Lyn.

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