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Original poster

Does anyone else hate their Health Visitor?

32 replies

DetentionGrrrl · 18/12/2006 14:25

I can't stand mine. She talks to me as though i'm the child, and refers to me as Mummy as though i don't have an actual name. She's always late, and doesn't listen to my answers when she asks questions- asking me the same thing 2 minutes later. I didn't even have a 6wk check because she went on holiday, all i got was a sheet to fill out asking me if i felt like crying, and if i felt attached to my DS.

His 6mth development check is coming and i'm dreading it.

OP posts:
CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 18/12/2006 14:26

Don't have it then. You don't need to.

WigWamBam · 18/12/2006 14:27

You don't have to see her. You don't even have to take your ds for his development checks - they don't even do them in some areas anymore. If you have any concerns you can take them up with your GP, otherwise if you're happy with his development then don't bother seeing her.

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 18/12/2006 14:28

They've sent me an appointment saying that they're coming to my house...i have this silly vision that if i ring to refuse it, i go on a list a terrible mothers somewhere, ready for Social Services to chase!

And i know that DS is fine- 2 teeth, sitting up, crawling etc.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 18/12/2006 14:30

You won't end up on any lists. You are perfectly within your rights to ring and tell them that you don't want them to come, but if you have any concerns you will contact them.

taylormama · 18/12/2006 14:30

agree with PPs - i don't bother with mine as she is utterly clueless - she missed his reflux for weeks and told me i had a windy baby . I don't even get a 6 month development check!

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 18/12/2006 14:32

I think i'll ring and say i don't want it then I hadn't thought of refusing it

I don't think i can stand to have her here- probably an hour late and getting on my toot.

OP posts:
themulledSNOWMANneredjanitor · 18/12/2006 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

choosyfloosy · 18/12/2006 14:35

They will LOVE you to refuse it - that's as good for them, financially, as them doing it and they don't have to actually do it!

and funnily enough you'll be fine without it

MrsArchieTheInventor · 18/12/2006 14:35

My first HV was wonderful but she was replaced when the local health authority did a restructure, and her replacement was an absolute bitch who accused me of neglecting ds because I wasn't weaning him at 8 weeks!!!! He was breast fed on demand and always weighed a good weight, he was strong and healthy and his dad and me had no worries about him at all, but that vile woman put doubts in my head about my capabilities as a mother when I was at my most vulnerable and I swear I will never trust another HV again.

Troutpout · 18/12/2006 14:38

Wouldn't know her from Adam.
only did baby clinic for injections with no 2

frances5 · 18/12/2006 14:43

I think that health visitors have a hard time. They are expected to be experts on subjects like child development, post natal depresssion and family health. The problem is that they only have one year of training on top of being a general nurse.

My son had development problems. The health visitor kept saying he was alright when he wasnt. She thought that my worries about my son's development was a symtom of postnatal depression. I was suffering from clinical depression, but it problems with my son's development that was causing the depression.

Eventually our GP refered Andrew to the child development centre. My son had 18 months of physio, grommets inserted and his adenoids removed. We still see that community paediatrian and Andrw is developing nicely. I no longer suffer from clinical depression.

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 18/12/2006 14:49

well, i just rang to say we didn't need the check, and got a load of questions about what DS was doing at the moment. She wanted to know why i was refusing it, and said 'it will have to be documented that you've declined'...and she called me 'mum' on the phone. Grr!

OP posts:
MrsArchieTheInventor · 18/12/2006 15:39

You should say 'excuse me, I wasn't aware I was your mum last time I looked. I'm junior DetentionGrrrl's mum, not yours. My name is DetentionGrrrl'

I didn't mind being called mum when I was in hospital having ds but I'd mind it from a health visitor. I have a name, it's shortened to four letters so's you can't mis-pronounce or mis-spell it - please use it! (that's what I wanted to say!)

ashoesandbagsbird · 18/12/2006 15:48

Why don't you just go out when she is due to come. That way she can appreciate what its like to be let down and messed about.

Might make you feel better too

tiredemma · 18/12/2006 15:50

I have just done a 5 week placement with the Health Visitors, I also think that some of them get a hard time.

Its not a job that i would jump through hoops to get, the child protection stuff that they have to deal with is horrifying, I would imagine that they would greatfully appreciate not having to do development checks unless the parent was specifically concerned. This would free up their time and allow them to deal with real problems out there.

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 18/12/2006 15:52

I've seen several Health Visitors, none of whom I would trust to sit the right way on a toilet, frankly.

Let's see, there's the one who told me to put baby rice in ds1's bottle at 3mo because he was screaming with colic....the one who told me ds1 would be 6'6" as an adult (he's average height, but was a big baby due to gestational diabeets)....then there's the one who tried to have ds2 taken away from me because she claimed I was starving him (he had an RSV virus contracted in hospital, but she had failed to listen to my repeated comments about his hacking cough and projectile vomiting)

Health Visitors. I've shat 'em.

FioFio · 18/12/2006 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PizPizPiz · 18/12/2006 16:14

oh god yes !! I haven't seen her for ages and have no intention to ever again !

TickledPink · 18/12/2006 17:07

Mine told me to put small bits of soap up DD's bum to help her poo She was constipated.

SpookyMadMerryChristmasMummy · 18/12/2006 18:00

I asked for her to come out with DD1, was having real problems potty training her at 3 1/2 years old...
It took her 4 MONTHS to come out and see me!
She did, however, notice that dd1 had little motor skill development and referred her on....
Cue a diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Disorder in May, 1 YEAR after I asked for help

bubsagrub · 18/12/2006 20:14

My health visitor was probably the best person I dealt with other than the midwife.

She's a qualified nurse who has worked as an HV for 20 yrs. She is personable, reassuring, listens, takes time to answer and explain things, and was generally supportive and kind.

What I do know is that she and the other HVs at the local clinic are MASSIVELY overworked and instead of having several drop in mornings a week, they've been reduced to one, lasting 3 hrs where they often have up to 40 mums waiting to be seen.

Its the Fxxxing NHS misappropriation of funds and mis (i.e. non) management which is putting pressure on the frontline workers, which is to blame for many of the problems we have to face.

frances5 · 19/12/2006 09:37

Health visitors cant really help with developmental problems. If you are worried about your child you need a paediatrian.

However I think it is a mistake that development checks have been scrapped in so many areas. Many first time mothers have no idea what is normal development and what isnt. They benefit from the reassurance. Also the six month check can help pick up cases of postnatal depression.

In our area children are arriving at school with language skills that are too poor to learn how to read. Prehaps if they had had speech theraphy before starting school then this would not be a problem.

CrocodileKate · 19/12/2006 09:43

I have no problems with accepting that health visitors have a hard time of it and most of the ones at our clinic are lovely.
But the one that was assigned to us when my ds was born was bl**dy awful. She was downright rude to me in my own home. Pointed out decorating defects and made it perfectly clear that she didn't think i should have my cats in the house.
No matter how stressed she is by her job there was just no need for it.
Luckily she had moved on by the time I had dd.

Gingerbear · 19/12/2006 09:50

No, I didn't hate my health visitor, she was lovely.

As a group of health workers they are much maligned and get such a hard time on Mumsnet.

SnafuOutOfHiding · 19/12/2006 09:56

There's a difference between being stressed, under-resourced and overworked (i.e. like most 'frontline' NHS staff), and being a rude, clueless idiot, incapable of giving consistent or appropriate advice.

I stopped seeing mine when she managed to reduce me to tears - twice! Not going to clinic was like having a weight lifted from my shoulders. I'm not on any social services lists - as far as I'm aware

I know there are some great ones out there, and the good ones really make a difference. They're just few and far between, ime.