My grandad is dying.....................................

[ImMcDreamyingofawhitexmas]

......I feel so far away as I live in Cyprus. DH asked me last night if I needed to go and see him before the event but I just don't know what to do.

He has Non Hodgkins Lymphoma and was doing really well but it has come back with a vengence. My dad says he sounds tired and has given up (my grandmother died 18 months ago and since then he has understandably been very low and lonely).

I have 2 small children and don't want it to cloud Christmas but I just feel terribly sad.....it's like we are waiting for him to slip away. My grandmother and my other grandad both died suddenly so this "waiting" has never happened to me before.

Thanks for reading

I went through this last spring and summer with my grandad. I'm in the UK and he was in the states. When he first went into hospital in the spring I thought about going to see him but knew I'd only be able to make one trip over so decided to wait. If I had to go for a funeral then at least I'd be there for my mom and grandma. He got a bit better then in the summer he went downhill again and I just felt then I really did want to see him. So I went by myself for a few days and spent some really good time with him. I was shocked by how frail he was but he still knew me and loved seeing photos and hearing stories about the kids. By the time we went back for a planned family holiday in Nov he was barely alive and didn't know we were there. He actually died during our visit and I got to be there for the funeral as well. So in the end I got to do both - spend time with him and support my mum and grandma at the funeral. It was almost as if he had planned it that way.

Anyway, all I can say is do what you feel you need to do - if you feel you want to spend time with him then go. if not then you'll have to just wait and see. Sorry if that's not much help.

Thanks Sugar I'm really pleased that you got to go and spend some time with him.

When I was a little girl my grandad was this big friendly giant of a man, so strong and so loving, I know it sounds really selfish but I don't think I want to remember him as anything else really. The last time I saw him he had clearly lost weight but he still had that enormity about him (IYKWIM).

I do want to be there for the funeral to support my dad and my brothers. I have written him a letter and put it in a "grandad" christmas card and I am going to send it with a big selection of photos of the children.

Well, it's not going to be an easy time but it sounds like you've got strong memories of him and that will be a help.

A terrible thing to happen, particularly at this time of year .... hugs. It sounds as though your memories of him without the illness are fab and I understand you not wanting to 'cloud' these. My thoughts are with you and your family.