Hand hold please?

[Niftynamechangerliveshere]

Anyone around for a virtual hand hold?
I've posted numerous times about various health issues. All with my underlying self diagnosed health anxiety.
I'm driving my self mad with my latest worry. I'm driving DH mad I'm driving my friends mad.
..
So. I've had an achy boob for a couple of weeks. It's lumpy ( As is the other one, no pain in there). I can feel lots of small moveable cyst type things again same as the other one. My neck also aches. At times it's about half way down my neck at others it's at the base of my skull.
I'm obsessively Googling and prodding my breasts.
I have a teeny red spot (?) on the achy boob. Coupled with the ache I've diagnosed myself with inflammatory breast cancer.
The ache comes and goes. Sometimes it's a gnawing pain. Other times it's a sharp pain. It's not constant.
I can't see a doctor. I'm too scared to find anything out. I realise this is ridiculous but I am terrified. My mum recently died of cancer ( not breast or ovarian). I google all day long. I wake in the night to google. I harass my work colleagues about general boob symptoms.
I know people on here really do have serious problems and u don't mean to diminish them by posting this.
I cannot concentrate on anything at all. My babies are suffering and all I can do is google images of Ibc.
Anyone want to hand hold or reassure me please?

Have you spoken to anyone about your anxiety? It sounds like it is completely taking over your life, so it would be worth speaking to your GP and getting some help.

I have no idea about your breast symptoms, but you could ask your GP about them at the same time. Inflammatory breast cancer is rare, so it is very unlikely that you have it.

All the best

I've diagnosed myself with inflammatory breast cancer.

I've done exactly the same.

I developed a red patch on one boob and initially thought nothing of it, presumed I'd squished it in my sleep or something. Then it started to hurt, achey at first but getting worse until it was absolute agony it anything so much as brushed it. As the pain got worse the red patch got bigger.

I Googled and like you I convinced myself it was inflammatory breast cancer. I was absolutely terrified and worried myself sick for days.

I did go to my GP and she said straight away that she was pretty sure it was an abscess. She prescribed me antibiotics and gave me "just in case" referral to the breast clinic who did an ultrasound just to make sure it was indeed an abscess. She was absolutely right and it started improving within a few days. I kept the breast clinic appointment (at my GPs insistence) just to double check everything was fine. By the time I went it was just about gone and the doctor I saw was very disappointed he didn't get to lance it!!

Please go see your GP, it's much more likely to be something like an abscess than IBC

Stop googling. Go and see your gp. The sooner you go, the sooner you will feel better. Health anxiety is treatable. So is breast cancer.

Thanks for all taking the time to reply. I haven't seen anyone for my anxiety. Like I say it's self diagnosed and has completely sky rocketed since my mum died.
Boob is still aching but only a little and only when I prod. The spot is smaller. I'm hoping it'll be fine in a couple of days.
It sounds stupid but it's not as easy as see the doctor. I know I need to, it is taking over my life
I can't go on like this.

Nifty - how are you doing? Did you get to the Dr's? You might want to go and "talk" to some of the amazing women (and men) on the Tamoxigang thread. They're some of the bravest, most badass people about and can guide and reassure you. Please don't just leave it and hope for the best.

Not wishing to be rude, of course you can post on the Tamoxigang thread if you wish Nifty. But I wonder if it might further fuel your anxiety to read about people going through cancer treatment.

You really need to see your GP. If there's any chance that you have cancer then the sooner you are diagnosed, the sooner your treatment can start. More importantly you need to speak to someone about your anxiety. I am sure it must be scary. You say you cannot go on like this, but it is unlikely to change unless you ask for help.

I am sorry for your loss

Sweetheart, I would bet anything you are suffering from anxiety - pure and simple, but as life threatening (in a sense) as anything else. I can relate, have diagnosed myself with Dr Google several times, and I know how it feels to just KNOW you have IBC/something that is going to derail your entire universe.

Please do go to GP, and get reassurance on the boobage, but also ask for some help with the anxiety? Your mum dying recently is a major red flag for anxiety and depression - trying to make sense of a loss like that our brains can do all sorts, and losing a containing, reassuring presence is terrifying no matter what age we are. Especially as you have babies yourself.

Big hugs to you, and I hope you have a sympathetic and pro-active GP x

Thank you all. No new boob pain. I appear to have a group of blocked black headed pores though so of course I'm googling and worrying about those.
My other boob has them to but far fewer.
Stupidly I can't trust myself on the tamoxifen thread. I would obsess over it all. I imagine the people on there are far far braver than I am. I can't even visit the doctor of anxiety.
Christmas is coming and I'm missing my mum. Seems this is the way my brain deals with it.
Thank you all again

It's not about bravery. No one chooses cancer, we just have to go through treatment because there's not really another choice. Similarly you have an illness, it's nothing to do with being brave or not brave.

I'm sorry you're missing your mum. It must be tough at this time of year. Have you tried any "self help" type things for anxiety if you cannot get to the GP? I am not entirely sure what options there are, but perhaps something like mindfulness. Not as a substitute to getting proper medical help, but perhaps something to try and ease your anxiety enough that you can get to see your GP.

When you say you have lots of cyst type lumps are you just feeling the actual ducts? If I feel my boobs they are lumpy inside all over but they are all soft and are always there. Lumps to be concerned about are new ones that are hard, fixed and irregular. The blackhead things are normal, I have those all over just blocked follicles.

The anxiety is the issue here. I know how it is I suffer from it myself and luckily am currently having a spate of lower anxiety but I'm sure it will rear its ugly head again eventually! Thing is if I had a red spot on my boob during a non anxious time I would think nothing of it but if I was anxious my mind would go into overdrive about what it could be then I would send myself mad with ideas which are not even necessarily realistic.

See your GP. I have never taken pills but CBT helps a lot. I have had private therapy for years which luckily I can afford but the things that help the most are exercise, healthy eating, mindfulness, keeping my mind active with fun things etc etc. All things you can do yourself.

Thank you. I'm going to look into mindfulness to try and calm me a little. Period has arrived early, more achy boobs and me worrying why it's arrived early.
I hate the idea of CBT. I don't know why, I'm my own worse enemy to be honest. I did take vit D tablets and that seemed to perk my mood up and lower anxiety.
One thing for certain, I cannot go on like this. I feel as if I have a huge black cloud over my head, coupled with the he constant worry over every little niggle, the vivid and sometimes unpleasant dreams and general lack of sleep, I feel as if I'm falling apart.
Can grief do this? 6 months later?.
Can anxiety cause all of these random niggles?. I just wish my brain would switch off. I can't enjoy anything as I feel as if I'm being taken for a mug, waiting for the next bad thing to happen. If I'm too happy, then somewhere along the line something bad will happen to me or the kids or DH because I shouldn't be happy.
My head is a foggy, fuzzy mess.
I cannot cope with the anymore. I'm exhausted.
Sorry for the long, moany, I realise how annoying and tedious I am.