And I don't really know how to even start this post
Is it always post natal depression if you've just had a baby? My DD is 7 months old and i'm aware ,and have been for a while, that I don't feel like myself. I feel indifferent to pretty much everything. I've stopped doing my hair and makeup and I don't really care to be honest. I feel like i'm just going through the motions with everything and all the while the other me is just sitting there in my head aware that i'm not really engaging but just doing what I know i'm supposed to be doing, what is normal.
This isn't my first child, shes my third and she is lovely, by far the easiest baby i've had. But I just feel bored with it all. I took her swimming this morning and caught a refleciton of myself and I didn't even recognise me. I've lost loads of weight and just look knackered. I remmeber taking my oldest DD to the same pool when she was a baby and giggling and enjoying it, I did all the same stuff today but it felt forced and not natural like with the others.
I feel like every decision i've made in my life has been the wrong turn. The wrong ex husband, the wrong degree, it was wrong to have another DC. I feel constant guilt that i feel like that and guilt that the others don't have enough time with me, enough space, enough everything. In the day the silence is deafening but when they are all home I feel like I just want to lock myself away from the noise.
I think that maybe I'm not very well and that it could be PND. But then I think its probably just that babies are hard and the first year is pretty boring! I do have a lot on my plate and hopefully it will just get better.
But i'm aware that if i'm not well I might not be able to see the wood for the trees IYKWIM. Does anyone think this might be PND?