Now that dd is 13 months old my PMS seems to be back with a vengeance. I get so upset and angry and I want to hurt myself, I think about the best way to kill myself and get angry because I know I'd never do it and also angry for thinking about it when I have a dd to think about.
I self harm, I used to cut but I don't want dd to see evidence of that when she is older, so I've taken to hitting myself with hard objects. I really can't control this. It's like emotion boils up inside of me and I need to scream or hit something. My body gets boiling hot too. It stops me from sleeping and I need my sleep as my baby hardly sleeps so it's very precious! I'm pacing around now. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't make it stop.
I went to the doctor when I was much younger and they just put me on the pill. I tried several types of pills and on all of them, it was like I had permanent PMS. I will not go on any sort of hormonal contraceptive because I'm too scared of the risks.
Is there anything else that will help? I don't want my dd to ever see me like this. I have ASD, that might not be relevant but I wonder if part of my inability to control my emotions comes from that.