**Tamoxigang 53** Roll up, roll up... Anyone with any cancer (or test-waiting) welcome!

[MarthaCostello]

Good evening all,

The old thread had nearly run out when I posted so I have taken the liberty of starting a new one before it fills up completely.

I hope the title is OK - there isn't actually that much room, I was trying to fit in that people should come along even if they haven't been diagnosed yet.

If you're new here welcome to the Tamoxigang thread. This is a great place for anyone with any type of cancer (it originally started out as those taking Tamoxifen for breast cancer, hence the name, but has expanded). Please introduce yourself and make yourself comfortable! You're more than welcome here if you haven't been diagnosed yet too, sometimes people find it helpful to talk through their fears whilst waiting for results. And we will hold your hand until you find out, and hopefully wave you on your way with an all-clear :)

There is almost always someone around to chat, or to answer any questions. Nothing is off-limits here. This is somewhere to offload any fears and frustrations, in a safe place where someone will have been there before.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the gorgeous summery weather

Hi everyone.

Lily I'm so sorry you have to go back on chemo and lose your hair. I had 4 rounds of Erubicin (with cyclophosphomide) and am now on 12 weekly tax (and carboplatin). The EC really wasn't that bad for me - I was a bit tired straight after chemo, but other than that, it was totally do-able. I'm really sorry about your hair - what a bloody pain.

And sorry to see you here Anna. I really would try to not think the worst - I know easier said than done, but it really doesn't help until you know! It took my Italian and UK doctors 5 weeks to finally diagnose me with breast cancer - for a while they talked about lymphoma which when googled, did not bode well. But in the end I had to just wait and the news, whilst not great, was not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be and I wasted a lot of time, tears and energy in thinking the worst.

I have been a bit quiet of late - just getting on with it I suppose. I have only 4 more chemos to go and finish first week of Oct. And then have sorted who/what I want for my mastectomy and reconstruction, so feel like I am on the right path and I have a plan now that has been agreed. I was hoping for an autologous recon but am just to small in the end - not enough thigh to make 2 boobs! Which is ok - implant will do - and means I can be up and attem again by Christmas.

I read every day, even though I don't post. I hope everyone is doing ok.

Hello Anna. Let us hope your worries are not confirmed and so far the scans are hopefully good. Wishing you all the best.
Boobz i was thinking you were quiet recently:) good to know you are ok and have things set out nd planned .
My almost hairless scalp is still aching and covering it does not help, but I can not leave it uncovered. Hoping for some relief soon.
Have a peaceful day all.

Hi Anna, welcome to our little community. I hope your fears are unfounded.

How old are your kids?

Welcome Anna but sorry you've had to join us everything crossed for your PET scan, hopefully whatever the MRI showed is just an oddity rather than anything sinister. Nearly everyone will have something a bit odd somewhere in their body, which will only show up when scanned. I have a "non-specific" in my lung, just a tiny blotch. Also my blood flows a bit strangely through my liver both are completely harmless, and I'd never have known if I hadn't had bowel cancer.

Try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Even if it were in your bones, breast cancer is highly treatable. Stage four is incurable, but there are many treatment options and more are constantly being developed. Several on here are living with secondaries :) some are having active treatment, others just being closely monitored. But hopefully you won't need to worry about any of that anyway.

whether are you back from your holiday yet? I've been thinking of you

boobz good that chemo is nearly finished and surgery plans coming together! It'll be nice to have it all over with by Christmas :)

I've just been for a check up with my bc nurse, I'm on six monthly checks at the moment. I still haven't looked at all my histology but I did ask her to explain my ER+ result, apparently 8/8 which she said was good. I'm still too nervous to know all the facts and figures but she read through it to remind herself and said there were lots of positives.

Still waiting for results from last weeks hysteroscopy, it could be one of about five outcomes.

She was able to explain the very sharp pain I have in my rib, it's a SE of the radiotherapy. I had kind of guessed but its always nice to hear it from a professional. I need to use ibuprofen gel for about two weeks to get the inflammation down.

Royal, how are you feeling now?
Boobz and whatwould, nice to hear from you both.
Anna, waiting for initial test results is terrifying, you're thrust into a world that you know nothing about and don't want to know about. Hang on in there, we all know how hard it is.

I'm busy getting dd ready for university on Saturday. Now that's scary!!

Thanks for all your kind words, it does help.
Rivercam, my children are 9 and 11 so not babies but still young.

Ann's - the reason I asked was because children are very perceptive about picking up on emotions. It may be worth saying that ' mummy has to do some tests. You don't h ave to say why, or be honest and say that 'mummy has a bad back that needs checking' without going into details.

Hope you are okay.

anna mine are 9 and 7. We soared them the details but they know mummy is not well, had a bad lump removed and is taking medicine that makes me quite tired. My 9 year old is very curious and gets worried when he witnesses my various phases, but i make it a point yo talk and listen. The other day he blurted out" all this for a tiny lump!" With a lot of frustration because I could not go out with them, and it really hurt but so as long as we are talking, I should think we can cope.

mrs i hope you feel better and get some relief. You are so right about being informed by someone who knows thier stuff.
I am, thankfully, over the nausea and adbominal discomfort now , but I have a week before I face round three!
I am amazed at how much I sweat now. I never was much of a sweater and took pride in it but it takes very little now to ge me all drenched which is either the menopausal attack or the chemo effects? Not sure abou this one.

Back from a lovely trip to Copenhagen - which was not nearly expensive as I had feared. Had a CT scan - torso and neck - today so will get results on Friday and see if the cancer has spread.
Hope all goes well Mrs and that your Dd settles into university - it must all be worrying for you at the moment and if she is happy, it will help!
Thanks for info re Epirubicin Boobz and hope your treatment continues to be reasonable. Jumping on a flight straight after chemo isn't something I would fancy!
Welcome Anna. I have secondary BC so hope it is ruled out for you. There are lots of treatments available but no cure, so it can be thought of as a chronic illness if the treatments work for the patient.
I am back to work soon so hope Boobz' experience will be much the same for me. Once I have a treatment plan I shall start planning weekends away and other treats to get me through the chemo.

Hi lily, glad you enjoyed your weekend away. I'll be thinking of you on Friday and it goes without saying, hoping for the right results.

Most of dds stuff is ready now, I've had a few moments where the tears have been coming and I've had to remove myself. I can't cry until we leave her on Saturday. Then the worrying will take over.

Royal, take advantage of the feeling well weeks. How many sessions are you having? My sweats have stopped again but I think I'm generally warmer than everyone else now. I've just been in town and everyone had coats on except me, I was warm just in a shirt but felt a bit exposed.

mrs I bet it is tough seeing your baby leave the nest. Wishing her all the best ahead.
I have another two of thus combo AC and then once a week for 12 weeks of one other single form( forgot the name) , which should take me to the end of the year. I hope i am well enough to celebrate DS1's tenth birthday on Dec30th!

It is royal, a year ago when I was diagnosed she was in the process of finalising her university choices. It was that terrifying stage when I imagined I'd be dead within months. I certainly didn't expect to ever see her graduate and the thought of her being hundreds of miles away was awful. I hope I haven't influenced her, I certainly never said anything, but she has chosen our local university which just happens to be a very good one. It's only half an hour away. I'm more hopeful now that I'll see her graduate, the odds are good but the future is uncertain now and I don't assume any more.

I hope you are up for a bit of celebrating by the end of December.

Hello everyone,
I haven't checked in for a while. Sorry to see new names here and hope you're finding the thread useful.

Mrs I'm glad you're hysteroscopy went ok and fingers crossed for results that allow you to make some good decisions and hopefully put all this behind you.

I completely get you re dd leaving. I'm feeling a bit odd this month. Two years ago I was being diagnosed and waving dd off to uni, then one year ago I was being diagnosed in my remaining breast and waving dd off to Morocco for 3 months. It seems strange to have a Sept with no trauma to endure!

Ds has decided to take a year out post a level so I'm trying to persuade him to look for a job and hopefully he'll be off to uni next year. Secretly I'm quite glad to have him here a bit longer. Dd went back for her 3rd year last weekend and I had a little cry after she left as she'd been home for all the summer but it's good for her to be back being independent.

I have my yearly follow up appt sometime in November and I'm already fretting about it. It won't involve a mammo as I don't have any breasts! I'm hoping it'll be an uneventful chat and a feel and then on my way for another 12 months. Of course I'm feeling lots of twinges in my implants and armpits now. Does anyone know what happens at a check up when you've had dcis and mxs?

Lily, fingers crossed for your results.

Boobz, hi! Implants are fine and you'll get over the surgery very quickly.

Beccajoh's woolly hug is over on the WH thread with some lovely photos.....pop over and have a look.

All the best everyone

Thanks for the reassurance Marhsy!

WH thread?

Woolly hugs....

Big Hugs and great thanks to all who contribute so openly and honestly to this thread and the previous one (no. 52), both of which I have meticulously made my way through over the last couple of days.

I am just under 5 hours away from returning to hear the results of the mammogram and ultrasound that I had on Monday after manual exam by my gynae that afternoon.

Whatever the directions I need to face after today, it is because of you all that I have made it through this week in one piece.

Gosh brogan, that's a lot of reading. I hope it all turns out to have been unnecessary, but if not you've probably got some idea of what's ahead. It still comes as a tremendous shock though so do join us if you need to. Fingers crossed for a good outcome though.

brogan best of luck.

Brogan - how are you?

I'm impressed by your reading skills.

I am not sleeping well at the moment. I can't work out if it's insomnia and a side effect of the chemo, or whether it's the weight of the unknown in front of me which I haven't dealt with emotionally yet, and is now pouring out of me at night when I should be sleeping.

I haven't managed to go to sleep before 2 or 3am for about 2 weeks now. I have counted sheep, but more often than not I have done morbid things like plan my own funeral, read blogs by people who I know are dead now who had the same strain of BC as me, and generally thinking about how sad it will be for the kids when I am gone.

I have no reason to think I am any more likely to die than when I first started this journey - I can only hope and assume the chemo is working, and I have some pretty solid surgery plans afoot - I guess it's a stage some people go through and I am going through it now. I think it doesn't help my eyebrows and eyelashes have gone - I feel like I see the cancer face staring back at me in the morning now, before I have made myself look more healthy.

Sorry this is a morose post. I guess it was a long time coming and I will be fine again soon.

I hope you have good news Brogan.

boobz i am so sorry you are feeling the way you do. We are only human.
I am struggling with sleeo too. I fall asleep instantly( usually by 9) then i keep waking up every like two hours and it is not fun at all.
I find chamomile tea helps. You may want to give it a try.
Like you, losing my eyebrows and eyelashes seems more daunting than losing the hair on my head because of how it will make me look. I totally get that.however, as manybhere have said there are ways ro get by that with make up etc.
With cancer, we can never tell how it will go but we have no choice but to go ahead with our plans do what we have got to do and hope for the best.
I truly hope your funeral plans are delayed for many many many years to come and that both of us get to see our kids grow up and have babies of their own. It is not wishful thinking. It can and has happened to many cancer sufferers who have outlived many healthier persons they know.
I have some days when I actually consider sitting down to write something like a will for my kids to read when they are grown up and I think I am gone. It is so hard, but who can truly say when any of us will die anyways?!
Hang in there and here is me sending you loads of good vibes.

Thank you all,

sorry for not getting back earlier.
What a rollercoaster, think I'd actually been holding my breath all week, and finally the oxygen hit when I heard the word benign.
It did't register at first, but when it sank in, I nearly hugged the gynae!
Follow up appointment for ovarian cysts monitoring, and annual check ups recommended for breasts.

So dragged my reluctant and totally unsuspecting boys out for a meal and made a night of it.

Best wishes, and the best of health to all.

Great news brogan..be well and make the best of your good health.

Excellent news brogan and glad you were able to celebrate

Boobz might it be a steroid side effect? I know others have suffered sleeplessness from them. I was quite wired in the day, but don't remember it affecting my sleep. Have you tried any meditation/relaxation type tracks?

Waving to everyone and hope you're all doing OK