Really sad I don't think I can have another baby due to fear of vaccines

[Kangaroosjump]

Maybe mental health but since it relates to vaccines just going to put here.

I used to be anti vax and sucked into the whole they can cause autism thing. I also suffer an anxiety disorder, anyway when I looked at what the vaccines were for I began vaccinating my DS and he's almost caught up but it was on a very delayed schedule and privately.

We did do the new MenB jab but he was over 2 when we did it and he had a soaring temp, went limp and grumpy and though he got through it just fine the idea of that happening to an 8 week old baby terrifies me,

As does the thought of combining any jab (how the nhs schedule is) as we seperated every jab etc

But now DS is at school I wouldn't have the luxury of a new baby being low risk to delay the jabs (due to postnatal depression and only child DS was pretty isolated before he had his)

I wish I could have another baby but the thought of following the normal schedule so much earlier, combining jabs and also having another new jab on the schedule literally terrifies me (of course the illnesses they prevent terrify me more) but I just don't know how I would cope if my child had a reaction say a seizure, or developed any neurological problems (even though I know that could be entirely unrelated I feel I would probably blame jabs)

It would almost be easier for me if the government did actually mandate jabs but even in the US babyjabs aren't mandated only that it happens before a child goes to school

If there was a test to predict who would react badly to jabs beforehand all my stress would be solved.

I'm not anti-vax but I am terrified

Anyone overcome such a fear? Have anything helpful to say?

I have read studies, but once scared by the antivax stuff it feels impossible to become unscared

I think you should get this moved to mental health or something, this topic attracts antivaxxers who will only reinforce your baseless fears.

People suffering from anxiety issues often focus on very specific issues like this, but that doesnt make the issue the actual problem. what you need is to get help for the anxiety itself. See your gp.

I think it might be possible that you're projecting a lot of generalised anxiety onto the issue of vaccination. I don't doubt that you worry about the vaccination schedule on its own and you've seen a child having a reaction to a jab, so you've had the feelings exacerbated somewhat.

I think if you are utterly terrified and struggling with it so much, it would be worth considering mentioning it to a GP. When anxiety is affecting your life to the extent that you can't consider having another baby, it's perhaps time to accept it's taken over a little more than you would like.

My eldest niece reacted very badly to her MMR vaccination (immediate seizures and a prolonged hospital stay). She had one further vaccination and a similar reaction and now remains unvaccinated. My SIL struggled massively with the decision to vaccinate her second child and her vaccinations were done in hospital too. I must be frank here and say that her dd2 did have exactly the same reaction but received swift medical treatment. My SIL's ability to have a second child and make these decisions came from support and knowledge. She did what any mother does and that's the best she could. She had the knowledge of what was best, support from professionals and she went with the information available to her at that time. It was important however, that the decision was made rationally and not through a cloud of anxiety.

I do see my GP and try to manage anxiety with counselling etc and im navigating most of life ok except the desire to have another baby vs vaccines

I'm not having another baby UNLESS I overcome this fear, as not vaccinating another isn't an option for our family

Sorry I didn't put that in my OP but just to be clear

Do you want to have another baby?

I'm glad your sister had support and was taken seriously

When I was making decisions for DS I was belittled so much by a GP that it really didn't do anything to calm my fears but just made them worse feeling if anything did go wrong I wouldn't be taken seriously... Hence I waited till development was evident so I couldn't blame jabs if anything was naturally wrong with DS

I think I want to Penny

That's my dilemma really.

If there was some magic test to deem a jab safe for each baby as an individual rather than a one size fits all approach (which I logically know on statistics alone is USUALLY ok) then I think it's a definite yes.

Without it, I don't know which wins - facing my fears or avoiding them.

DH wants another but won't push me into it.

This is your anxiety. You need to address that. It's not about the vaccines. Anxiety is horrid.

It is horrid. I wish I didn't have it. But despite therapy and medication etc for years - I still do.

Thus I have to navigate life alongside it.

It's not as simple as addressing my anxiety, I need to prove to myself it's irrational in this instance, that the weight of evidence to trust is heavier on the pro-vax side. If I can't do that - no more kids

Some people do give the NHS vaccines but just a bit delayed and more spread out. Would that be something you would be more comfortable with? Knowing that you don't have to do multiple ones on the same day etc? Despite what Urethra said, most people have vaccinated on some sort of schedule here and the doctors/nurses have mainly been helpful and understanding.

Health anxiety is horrible and does make what some people think are easy decisions really tough. Good for you for recognising it and getting help

It's kind of what we did with DS, but the only Dr I know who agreed to it will do one at a time 4 weeks apart, which leaves a baby uncovered for quite a while with a school age sibling?

It's probably where I feel most comfortable but not sure if it's rational as we'd pretty much be giving them all anyhow (with DS he didn't need a lot of doses due to age when he started)

I did speak to a retired HV today who said in her day it was much less and she agreed with delaying/spacing as if i breastfed Id be passing on immunity as long as I kept that up anyway but I'm not sure if the science reflects her views?

The schedules vary from country to country and sometimes people have to delay/have longer between vaccines because of illness etc.

Honestly, the chances of your baby contracting any of the diseases in the UK is very low anyway so having a few extra weeks between them is not putting them at huge risk even if your other child is at school. Is there one of the diseases in particular that you're worried about him bringing home?

Yes, BF does confer immunity too so the baby will be getting some protection from you as well although it does wane.

Not any in particular but I suppose it doesn't help much to say all of them/everything and anything

Whilst the guilt would be horrific if vaccines caused a problem the guilt if my baby died because I didn't vaccinate would likely be worse...

How long does breastfeeding confer immunity for?

Ok.. Would it help to break it all down and look at each disease individually - how it is actually contracted and how many cases there have been in recent years etc so you can actually see the risk and figure out which ones you'd like to get sooner than others? Or would that just be information overload and make it worse? :)

It might help... I don't think it could hurt anymore than where I am already

Ok.. I'm in meetings for most of the afternoon but I'll try to come back later. In the meantime you can look up information about the incidence of the different diseases covered by the vaccines. Public health England has info about reported cases over the years and they're often broken down by area so you can look at your specific region. I'll be able to post up links for you later when I'm on my home computer but most of them are easy enough to find if you google " incidence UK".

Try to stick to NHS/gov.uk websites/other official organisations - they usually come up near the top anyway! :)

Could your DH take all responsibility for vaccination? The HV can speak to him, he can organise and attend the appointments, take time off to care for the baby post vax?

I'm not anti-vax either. We also paid extra for the men B and the Prevenar before it was scheduled. However, after lots of research I also opted for a delayed programme. I spoke at length to a very good friend who is a paediatrician. I have 4 and with my younger 3 I didn't start until 5mths. Delayed mmr until 18mths other than my child with gut issues who we gave single jabs.

You obv have anxiety issues which are clouding your judgement and it's good that you recognise this. But researching and opting for a delayed programme is not, in itself a MH issue. I researched thoroughly and as a family rude with auto immune and a dc1 with horrid gut issues, I went with what I felt comfortable with. Ds2&3 weren't even called for their mmr until 15mths so only a 3mth delay there.

Sorry, I didn't offer any advice there.

My advice is really to do as I did and research each vaccine and the prevalence of the disease in the uk today. I was reassured by both the stats and my friends assuring me that the chance of a child not in daycare catching measles between the ages of 15mths and 18mths was very slim indeed, almost negligible. Of course that risk is always there and I tried to minimise it further by avoiding stuff like playcentres and places with confined large crowds of children. But ultimately it was a risk I felt comfortable with.

Paed friend was sure the schedule was safe for 99.9% of children. But he did say that 0.1% inc children with gut issues esp in a family full of auto immune conditions. He also said the schedule was designed to catch as many babies as possible before mothers returned to work, not necessarily because it was the best time to vaccinate.

I have 4 older children who were vax under the old schedule, and an 8 yo. I delayed all of her jabs, because there was no way I was taking an 8 week old baby for them.

Nothing was said about it by the practice nurse or the GP, and she had them all just slightly later. Except the MMR; we had the measles jab separately when she was about 18 months.

He could star girl but he's as much in this as I am tbh, with DS we researched together and made what we felt was the safest decision at the time, however by then as we had already delayed it hugely after becoming very anti-vax for a while. When the risks swapped for us (we live in a city with a huge population) and we felt DS would benefit more from attending nursery than avoiding ... We vaxxed before enrolling

He's come through them fine, I don't fear his jabs anymore as I know his gut is fine etc

But an 8 week old baby who would have to have antibiotics in labour (GBS+) plus may end up a C/S...

I'd be terrified. Especially the multiple extra doses they'd need compared to DS and the thought of doing more than one at once.

Does PCOS count as autoimmune?

I'm not sure about PCOS. We have MS, diabetes, lupus, Lichen Sclerosis. Also autism in the family (my ds3 and others) ds1&3 both have leaky gut. Both diagnosed via Sunderland. I think we were lucky with ds1 as he had such an adverse reaction to gluten at a young age so we went GFCF until he was 2. I'm convinced this helped him develop normally. Ds3, we didn't realise he had gut issues as his bowels seemed normal like ds2's rather than hideous like ds1's. To my everlasting regret, we gave him cow's milk formula and gluten from 6mths. His development plummeted. He was diagnosed at 2.5. But now at 3.5 and being GFCF his symptoms are dramatically reduced and he only shows mild traits. I'm not sure he'd get a diagnosis today. He is still vaxed though, just a very delayed drawn out schedule.

Dd is no4. She has has a brother in nursery and 2 brothers at school. I have still delayed her vaxs.

Oh and I had antibiotics in labour for gbs too. I went in straight away to ensure I got them which meant that baby hopefully wouldn't need them. I researched that too and discovered that me having them would not upset the gut Flora of baby. I BF and when I expressed (about once every few days) I would add a high grade newborn probiotic to my milk. I continued to either add this to bottles after I stopped bf at 7/8mths or to mix it in with food. I also stuck to GAPS diet as much as possible for the whole family.

When all is said and done I figured at least I'd helped them along. A 13mth old who is 2wks away from mmr could just as easily be exposed as a 16mth old. I also considered the rarity of polio, WC and diphtheria.

Sorry. I've only just seen your response to my post. I wasn't trying to minimise your anxiety at all. (Sorry if it came across like that.)
I suffer from anxiety and often if I try and reason things out I just end up sucked in further to the anxiety. Eg finding out how serious the illnesses are would make me fear my child would get them despite vacs.
I just wondered if it was worth seeing this fear as a product of your anxiety rather than a rational fear you can reason yourself out of. Sorry if that was unhelpful.