How do I complain about terrible experience but also then find another consultant to do the op?

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Long story that I'm too flattened to recount but trying to summarise:

Background: I'm badly disabled with a systemic condition that effects everything, from healing & operation outcomes, massive amount of pain meds and huge range of meds that my body can't absorb or am resistent to. Plus the actual physical problems of the condition itself and generally I'm very poorly, bed bound etc,

What happened: had pancreatitis severely and was in hosp for weeks. Care was 'patchy' at best, specialist pancreas/ gallbladder consultant was AWFUL, and it went beyond the general arrogance that you overlook due to good surgeon, his arrogance led to a misdiagnosis, bad treatment, wrong drugs and drugs withheld deliberately. It took the complex pain team each day to fight for me and without them the outcome would have been much much worse. But even so, they couldn't make him behave better and it had a massive effect on me & made a bad situation into a living nightmare. I have PTSD and have just started to see someone about it.

Was told I urgently needed an operation in January, and that there's a danger in leaving it beyond then.

Heard NOTHING from them until today. I know I've been gambling with my health but I've not been up to dealing with them.

Between then & now: wanted to make a complaint but took me months to recover, partly due to lack of care. Then my father died. Now am utterly alone with DS 5yrs, and every day is a struggle rely on carers to survive.

Now: the general admissions office called today and want me to go in for the op very soon. Just pitch up to be operated on and no way of contacting the consultant - I don't have any contact details, secretary or out patients clinic. Have been told he won't discuss anything prior to the op as 'his time is precious and there's no clinical need'. Clearly there is a massive clinical need!

Conclusion: I can't let this man near me again, he is dangerous to me. And his behaviour wasn't the kind of thing that leaves room for apology or a change of heart. But I do need the op.

Am worried if I try and raise this or say I cannot have the op as tjjngs are now, i'll get discharged and no way of getting another surgeon to operate. My gp isn't good so no use looking for information or advocacy from them.

Questions:
What do I do?

I manage life in similar ways to you, after that much upset it's wise to give thinuking about it a rest.

I can help a little with letters.

Rule one don't get emotional and be factual. This is the hardest thing to do.

The other tip I was given is let them know the outcome you would like.

I have to look after me first so when I have space to help further I will be back. In the mean time I wonder what you are doing to get the operation elsewhere and now you know you don't have to complain to get care elsewhere, what you feel you would get from making a complaint?

I'm in a similar boat to Educational, but if it can wait till next week (sounds like that's what you need anyway), I can read over a letter if someone else writes it.

Your numbered points earlier sound like a good structure.

The other tip I was given is let them know the outcome you would like.

I second that ,you have to work out what you want - an apology ,for training for nurses ,consultants to be more responsive to patients comments ,protocols in place to ensure effective communication between all professionals involved in a patients care ( eg pain team and nurses ) and then say I want to be reassured that ...and look forward to you advising me what steps have been put in place to ensure that .

That sort of thing .
Sure someone could word it better ,but that's the gist .

What would I want?

Humm. I want things I won't get I suppose. That man, and his senior Reg who was made in his own image, even down to the shirts and ties they wore (!), well their behaviour appeared so entrenched that I think my complaint will be completely ignored.

But want I want in a dream world where people like that don't hold all the cards or get to set a toxic culture...

1. Him to acknowledge that his attitude & behaviour impeded his ability to be a good doctor. It's not a nicety that can be excused because 'he's such a good surgeon', his supercilious arrogance, shocking ignorance, and inability to work with others who knew more than himself (the complex pain team), meant he couldn't do his job. (But he won't admit that, he thinks he's god & that he can actually change the world by his words and mold it to be what he wants it to be).

1. For him and his reg to stop teaching students to treat patients in this disgusting manner. (But he won't change & his teaching abilities won't be questioned)

1. For him to acknowledge that my experience has left me traumatised and with PTSD. He caused that. It's his fault. He did that to another human being and he should feel bloody ashamed of himself (but he won't, if he even believes he's broken me he will blame me for being weak)

1. For him to understand that complex pre-existing conditions mean that he has to engage with it, find out what is different and treat according. And just because it doesn't fall under his field of speciality, or medical training, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. He needs to learn how to work with other medics who do know about it, not over rule and dismiss them too (but he won't as he's too arrogant to respect his colleagues in other departments, & too ignorant to understand that he doesn't have the entire knowledge).

1. For the complaint to be upheld and me believed. And no 'pretend apology' which will do more harm than good. But from someone to agree it wasn't ok and it wasn't my fault. So that other doctors don't think I'm mad or a shit patient who they can treat in the same way,

And for me to never ever ever be anywhere near him or that hospital again. It's the only way I would feel safe, as I have no faith thatbe would treat me differently post - complaint. He may do lip service and excuses but nothing else.

I just remembered my friend called pals whilst I was in hospital when this was all happening and I broke down in tears begging her not to as I was so so scared of both him & the nurses. I thought they'd come back at me worse if I dared say anything.

That's how much power this awful awful man had. Am crying again, I can't do this j can't cant

You don't have to do the complaint.

He likely has no empathy and is skilled in his unhelpful behaviour.

Let someone who hasn't got PTSD deal with him, as there will be others.

I so get your anger at him for giving you PTSD.

I avoid them now, I know I can't forever.

What are your plans to do nicevthings for you this weekend?

I am going to have a meal out, no cooking or tidying up. I am also going to sit somewhere with a pretty view, watch nature whilst I drink a treat coffee and eat something sweet.

Miscellaneous is there an association/charity for your condition eg MIND, Epilepsy Scotland. If there is it might be worthwhile contacting them, they might have someone who can act as your advocate in this situation and help you with the complaints process.

How bloody awful it's been for you.

Like you say, realistically you won't achieve all that directly.

But I don't think you have to. Not you alone, and not all at once.

How about you focus on the thing that you need immediately: the not being anywhere near him again. While laying foundations that others will build on.

So the overt outcome you could ask for is not to be treated by him or any of his team (if possible, not even this hospital). But while achieving that, you lay bare to his employer how he is behaving.

It's like some arguments on the internet: your audience isn't the person you're having the argument with, it's the other people reading.

I'm sure you're right that any "apology" he issued would be a pretend apology. So don't even go there. Focus on "his issues affect his competence, so I don't want to be treated by him".

Thanks all, I've been poorly so let this drop a bit but I have to deal with it.

This weekend I'm going to write a complaint and also prep for the GP appointment on Monday. I'll start another post about the gp as I'm very scared and need to get it right...