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Original poster

self harming help please

26 replies

2Shoes · 14/11/2006 22:22

can anyone tell me anything about this(not just a link please) more on a personal level like if you have know someone who did it and overcome it. I need to help someone who is doing it. and not quite sure how to begin.
thanks(not sure if i have put this in the right place)

OP posts:
MamaG · 14/11/2006 22:24

I know someone who did it and overcame it.

She started to do it at 15 after the death of her Granny, cut her arms. The problem was that she was grief-stricken but didn't want to upset her parents by showing how upset she was, so used cutting herself as a release.

After a year of counselling, she was fine and never did it again (although she thought about it, and still does to this day occasionally)

If its a friend doing it, maybe having you to talk about her problems etc would help, but I would recommend counselling.

Sod it. It was me.

Nemo1977 · 14/11/2006 22:24

I used to self harm for a while. Havent now for a year but still get the urge to. Dont know what info you are looking for but more than willing to share.

Nemo1977 · 14/11/2006 22:25

mamaG we really do have a lot in common dont we!!!

Flossam · 14/11/2006 22:25

There are help groups out there and it is becoming more and more of a recognised condition. There is a reason for it as well, self harmers report a feeling of release of pent up emotions/feelings when they harm themselves. There are techniques suggested to try and stop people physically harming themselves, such as using ice - there are others too but I can't recall them. Often IME self harmers have complex psychological issues which they will need help with so this person is likely to need a lot of support. The fact that you know about it implies they are being open which is a good thing. The hard part will be encouraging the confidence and trying to help to work through it.

cazzybabs · 14/11/2006 22:26

I used to and stil have the scars. Think abot it occassinaly but think dh wouldn't understand.

MamaG · 14/11/2006 22:26

we do indeed Nemo

Macdog · 14/11/2006 22:30

I started SH'ing when suffering from depression.
I would get angry with myself and feel the need to 'punish' myself for things that I had 'screwed up'.
I found it hard to talk to people about it, still do.
I dread the day my dd is old enough to ask about all the stripy marks on my arms.
(I know you didn't just want a link but try self harm network that may offer you more info)
I'll keep an eye on this thread to help, if I can

Smurfgirl · 14/11/2006 22:36

I stopped self harming 2 yeears ago I used to cut myself and OD.

Therapy helped me greatly. I moderate a self harm support forum now.

Self harming was what began my interest in nursing and now I am training to be a nurse. I truely believe that my life started when I started to deal with my problems, even if it began in a very destructive unhealthy way.

Original poster
2Shoes · 14/11/2006 22:37

thanks for your replies
the way theu have described it is that they get very angry and it is a way of letting the anger out.
they have been "caught" and I think counselling is going to happen. but wondered really how you could deal with the anger in another way in a sort of "public" place iynwim

OP posts:
Smurfgirl · 14/11/2006 22:37

Oh and I talk to everyone about it. Too much secracy around it.

Smurfgirl · 14/11/2006 22:39

2Shoes I stopped because I no longer needed to - IMO this is the only way self harm can truely stop.

Sometimes when I am very very upset I pinch my skin but I think now I just need something to focus on.
Other coping methods include holding ice (although this can become an SI method in itself), snapping elastics bands/bobbles on your wrist, drawing, writing, singing...

Nemo1977 · 14/11/2006 22:41

Agree that some sort of counselling/psychotherapy will help greatly. I see a clinical psychologist once a week to work through the feelings that were leading to me SH and was very dubious to begin with despite the fact I used to work in mental health. It has however helped a lot and I work more on redirecting the anger/ shame/ other horribleness into a more appropriate form. It is hard and self harmers also tend to be quite closed off..most of my harming was done in places not seen by anyone apart from DH just to cover up. Just be there to support and dont judge/push the issue as it can lead to feelings of guilt which then perpetuate the cycle of harming iykwim.

Nemo1977 · 14/11/2006 22:44

Also agree about suggesting distractions..I have 2 of those rubber charity bracelets on my arm for the purpose of being able to twist them so they pinch my arm without actually causing any damage. Can also use ice as others said, red pens to draw on self and a few other techniques. However I will say sometimes they will not work as well for me anyway I was bloody minded in the need to SH more than stopping at some times as it brought me a realease that I just cant describe. It also brought physically pain to the emotional that was going on in my head.

Original poster
2Shoes · 14/11/2006 22:46

they have been doing it since september. not to a worrying extent iynwim. but enough to cause concern. I want to help break the cycle before it becomes a "habit"
one thing that came up was a diary. where they could write "anything" just to let it out. like the elastic band suggestion.

OP posts:
Smurfgirl · 14/11/2006 22:46

To add. And this has come from a clinical nurse specialist in self harm.

Self harm whilst a negative behaviour is not always the ends of the earth it is a coping strategy and working on the causes of the SI is more important than just stopping the SI itself. It is important to stop SIing because it is v.dangerous but I think sometimes there is too much focus on the cutting and not how you feel underneath.

For me the SI stopped me doing something more dangerous and destructive. It worked at the time and I moved on, but it is absolutely not that easy for everyone.

Nemo1977 · 14/11/2006 22:49

2shoes a diary can help depending on the emotive subject..for me it made me feel ten times worse. Like smurfgirl said sometimes the Sh isnt something to overly focus on as it is a coping strategy. It helps that person to deal with what is going on and if they get help for the trigger they are more likely to stop relying on the sh soo much.

Original poster
2Shoes · 14/11/2006 22:49

they have a lot of issues.
things like their age/pier pressure/sort of home things/girls or lack of them.

OP posts:
Nemo1977 · 14/11/2006 22:50

do you mind me asking how old the person is.

Original poster
2Shoes · 14/11/2006 22:51

15

OP posts:
Smurfgirl · 14/11/2006 22:52

15 is not an uncommon age to start

Heathcliffscathy · 14/11/2006 22:52

have only read OP.

it is a coping strategy.

some people drink. some people take drugs. some people smoke. some people have sex.

some people cut themselves.

it is a way of taking yourslef out of yourself.

don't catastrophise it. it is what it is. what needs to be looked at is the source of anxiety.

ime, sexual abuse is sometimes implicated.

Nemo1977 · 14/11/2006 22:54

get in touch with local community mental health team and work out some support for them. I only asked as when I was in school 13-16 I used to scratch into my arms witha compass..nobody ever knew and I didnt realise what/why I was doing. Sometimes think if I had the appropriate help then I wouldnt have gotten to the point my depression did 3 yrs ago. As I say all you can do is listen, support and try not to judge/over react to the SH instead helping with the deeper issues.

Original poster
2Shoes · 14/11/2006 22:57

thats one good thing i am 100% sure that sexual abuse is not behind it. I have a good idea about a lot of the problems they are having. and thanks to you all have a bit more ideas of how to help.
I am of to bed now but hope you don't mind if I ask more tomorow, sorry I am being so guarded about who I am talking about. but this is the www and they might see it and then I won't be able to help them.

OP posts:
Smurfgirl · 14/11/2006 22:58

sophable you said what I was trying to say quite succuintly (excuse my poor spelling).

There seem to be lots of support groups these days for teenagers who SI so def accsess the CAMHT

Original poster
2Shoes · 14/11/2006 22:58

just had to say I think looking at the bigger issue as to what is the reason behind it makes a lot of sense.

OP posts: