Herpes help..new partner

[Tinkerisdead]

Hi, I should introduce myself first really. I have been a lurker on here since April (looked up presents for newborns and found this site). Never registered as I dont have kids n felt it would be intusive but after months of reading, I have seen the most wonderful group of women supporting each other in much more than parenting alone. Now I'm desperate for advice from someone and I cant ask people in RL. I have seen people on here post about herpes in the past and so i need some advice from people who are not ignorant to the condition as most people in RL are.

My ex boyfriend had genital herpes (think type 1 from my coldsore infection) we were always really careful when it was active/itching etc but two months after we broke up I came up with a small blister. The doctor could not be certain that I had contracted the virus as it was such a minor outbreak, if indeed it was that. However, I have now met a great guy and although we are not at a physical stage of the relationship, im desperatly worried. Do i tell him from the outset that I may have herpes, I would of course use condoms anyway, so do i wait until it got to a point that it was serious enough for unprotected sex to talk to him or do i just say nothing as the doctor thinks if i have caught it, i must have great immunity from my own coldsore virus as its so minor. Please help me, I genuinely do not how to broach this in a new relationship.

I promise I'm not a troll...I am partial to hamster casserole with the best of them.

Not sure what to say, but is there any test you can have (if you still have the blister) to confirm it's herpes? it would be very sad to go through all the process of telling him just to find out it wasn't herpes after all.

Wellcome and I'm a bit confused, did you get a blister on your genitals? If so I would tell him as soon as you feel you are close enough to have unprotected sex(it shouldn't matter to him at that stage). If it is just coldsores on your lips I wouldn't stress at all and just tell him when you feel one coming up.

I wouldn't say anything yet if your relationship hasn't got that far (esp as you don't know whether you have it or not).

Could you wait till it moves on to the physical stage?

I once went out with someone who had Hep C and they didn't tell me till our relationship had moved on to the sexual stage (so not long then ) but I just made sure I took precautions.

I also would make sure you know all the medical facts pertaining to herpes because he may have lots of questions (about how you get it etc.) and it will look better if you are informed.

Yes i went straight away to GUM clinic get a swab taken and it has come back with a negative result. The doctor asnt very reassuring though as she said that its possible to get false negative results as its vitually impossible to "grow the virus" in the lab. So she said although the result may be negative, I cant assume it actually is. I think thats why I'm so confused, because I dont want to say something if its not necessary as you say. But i also know that if the roles were reversed I would feel cheated if I wasnt informed.IYSWIM?

Well you will have to judge this one as and when you get to know your young man a bit better I think. Wait a while and then see how you think he would take it.

then I think you just have to go along with the 'may have been exposed' line and 'there's no test that can tell me with 100% certainty so I'd rather be safe than sorry' when it comes to that stage

you've done all you can (in terms of your own health)

Sorry, yes I can see that was confusing. I am pretty clued up on it as I had to be so cautious as my ex had it. I had a coldsore (Type 1 herpes) and passed this to his genitals. His was recurring though and he was antiviral drugs. I wasnt worried as he knew the warning signs etc and I knew to avoid contact at those times. i have since had a blister on my genitals, but as it was quite minor the doctor felt I had potentially caught the virus through genital contact. Because its my own virus originally from my own coldsore, my body has good immunity and so the outbreak was mild. Does that make sense? I think im just concerned at how someone who isnt informed would react.

so they tested your blood and you have type 1 not type 2?

because I think type 2 is the one people worry about

hmmm thats a good point they didnt take blood, just a swab. My ex assumed that I gave it to him via coldsore as his came up genitally two days after i had a coldsore? my swabs have come back negative but the doc says looking at my outbreak it looks like ive caught my own virus which would be type 1. my heads swimming now. Do you think i should have demanded a blood test too?

An ex-boyfriend exposed me to herpes. I got myself tested & live in fear of breaking about but I've not actually had an outbreak.
I tell my potential partners pretty much exactly that. That I may be a carrier of the virus, but I've never had an outbreak. I believe something like 60% of the population carry HSV or HCV, but only 25% actually suffer with outbreaks.
I always think it is best to err on the side of safety & tell them, so that they can never suggest you didn't let them know.

well I think it's up to you - I'm not that medically clued up but I think type 2 is the one the recurs more frequently isn't it? whereas type 1 is the one that most people get (cold sores and the like and I know that one can go to the genitals aswell)

I just wonder if it would be better to know but I'm not sure anyway what the implications are (medically) of knowing whether it was type 1 or 2 - maybe it's worth asking the GP.

at what stage did you tell them bugsy?

I told my partner when I was pregnant with DD as I had to tell them at the hospital. It was very embarassing though as we had only known each other a year. He was very understanding though as I explained the circumstances in which I was exposed to it. We were always very careful but sadly my partner did catch it from me and he too has it for life

awww Ruwla I can totally understand. I think when I found a blister, I wasnt panicked but I was saddened of the fact I would have it for life and of course the dilemma I'm faced with now. Can I ask why you didnt feel able to tell him prior to becoming pregnant?

I tell them when you have the STD chat, before having sex for the first time.
I ham it up a bit and say I've got something really important I have to say & then when I deliver the reality, they are relieved I haven't said something way more scary!!!

Good idea Bugsy.

I didn't tell my DP because tbh I felt downright ashamed. I caught it from a guy I hadn't been seeing too long and felt disgusted with myself as well as him!!! He didn't care that he had infected me so god knows how many others he had as has continued to infect - ugghhhhh.

My DP is a decent, trustworthy and honest man, totally unlike the other guy. I was quite scared it would put him off me but when I had to tell him I knew he loved me and wanted to be with me and I was carrying his child so I think he would have forgiven me whatever I said to him at the point.

Wrong I know but it felt right for me at the time.

Thank you, for such honest responses and such understanding on my first posting here. I think you're all right, I need to wait to see what kind of reaction I would get but be open and honest if and when it becomes serious enough to get that close.