Pippity - so very sorry to read your post. What an enormous shock for you all, and with a young family.
My DH was diagnosed with advanced bowel cancer in the upper section of his rectum (so I guess that answers one of your questions) 10 years ago. My DD was 20 months, & I was full-term pregnant (waters had broken - had to await biopsy results that evening before I could allow myself to go into labour ...).
My DH had to have chemo, & radiotherapy to shrink the tumor, prior to surgery. He did need a stoma (colostomy) but only for 6 months, and the surgeon had to re-create a rectum. (His cancer was v advanced, and spread to his liver despite the chemo - so change of chemo drug and another amazing surgeon).
2.5 years of utter anguish treatment, but against the odds and thanks to the most amazing medics he has made a full recovery, and still in remission. Apart from his scars, very loud farts the whole time, and significant change in bowel habits - but at least he has them & not the bag! - he is fit, healthy, and you would never know.
I feel your pain totally. To this day. And yours Wannabe. The waiting is just utterly horrific. The not knowing. The having to tell people. The having to put on a brave face for DC's. The utter stomach-churning knots at every moment. But having to function at work too. That must be v tough (timely maternity leave for me!).
Advice for present time:
- stock up on DVD's and trashy books for you & DH. You need to pass time by keeping your mind occupied on very gentle stuff.
- keep nourished. If your DH ends up needing chemo he will loose appetite etc.
- focus your time / activities on the important stuff. I put up a bit of a facade and kept up all the play dates etc etc. I ended up very exhausted.
- put yourself first. Focus - all very well meant - will be on DH, medical updates, and DC's. But what about you? You will need to stay strong, as you will be managing everything. Make sure you keep up exercise, and girls nights out, and stuff to keep you sane. Take up all offers of help with DD's if you can.
Wish I had MN then for some support, and the fab advice. It was a very lonely and tough time. An enormous big hug for you.
Please keep us posted. Happy to help, or to go into further details on anything if you need. 