Seeing the GP about being sterilised - any advice?

[TheWildRumpyPumpus]

I'm 35, I have an appt in a hour to see the GP to ask if I can be sterilised.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm not having any more children, I have 2 ages 4 and 7. I had major PND with both children including inpatient stays, and I still take ADs now.

I am terrified of becoming pregnant and it's affecting my sex life with DH. We use protection but in the back of my mind throughout I'm thinking of the small chance it might fail, not very romantic.

I wouldn't want more children in any circumstance. New relationship, my DCs dying, empty nest feelings - just never ever ever.

So what are my chances? Will it be a straight no or are they amenable to people my age having this done?

Definitely focus on the health issues. you are most likely to get what you want if they feel it is potentially dangerous for you to conceive. Is dh going? If so ask him to focus on how much it affected you and make it clear he also thinks it is dangerous for you to conceive. Point out that fear of conceiving is affecting your day to day life too. If he raises the standard concerns illustrate that you have discussed it at length together but also that you have given much thought about you personally and individually.

Thanks for the reply.

It wasn't overly successful. She told me to go on the coil or that DH should be sterolised instead.

I said that going on the coil won't help as I haven't had sex for years for fear of becoming pregnant. While my womb remains inside me I can't take the chance.

Don't think she'd realised just how bad things are mentally. She's said if my psychiatrist writes a letter confirming that sterilisation will help my mental health then they'd support it at panel to get it approved.

What? A 35 year old woman who has completed her family isn't allowed to make a informed choice to get sterilised? Bloody hell. Why does she think it's better for dh to be sterilised? You do know, though, OP, that your womb will still be in your body if you are sterilised? If what you're asking for is hysterectomy, that's another matter.

She says its a much less invasive procedure for DH which I know is true.

But yes, apparently female sterilisation is not a choice that the NHS offer, unless you are having physical issues.

Thanks for the clarification on womb removal etc. I knew this in my head somewhere!

I feel sorry for DH, we haven't had sex for so long.

It's worth looking at the stats for different contraceptive methods - the implant and Mirena coil are both actually more reliable than sterilisation (the implant is the most reliable method in fact, even compared to vasectomy). So if you want to put your mind at rest you'd probably have less fear of becoming pregnant with one of those.

Do you think your psychiatrist would support you? It's good that you have MH support and if that's a hoop you have to jump through then it's probably worth doing.

Private sterilisation at Marie Stopes is about £1500 so worth looking at if you have the money and can't face battling for NHS funding. Certainly worthwhile compared to the cost of ruining your mental health and sex life.

I think what it comes down to is that vasectomy is cheaper.

And safer. 1:2000 failure rate, much of which is the result of abandoning other contraception before a properly tested 'all clear', compared to 1:200 for female sterilisation (though I think the newer, and more expensive but less invasive Essure procedure is better than that).

Vasectomy is not however 'minor' in the sense there is a 1:10 rate of the more serious complications.

Have you discussed vasectomy with your DH?

A friend of mine has just been sterilised, same age as you no problems. Maybe it varies by area? I am also keen to get it done as fed up with having extra hormones placed into me.

Oh I feel for you I really do, I didn't suffer with PND like you have, but I was so frightened of becoming pregnant again, I closed the shop. It's only now I'm 50 and menopausal I'm happy to open it again. Are you still under your psychiatrist, otherwise see another GP and ask again for you to be sterilised, get a referral to a psychiatrist if you need to, can you get your husband to support you and come along too, so he can tell it how it is from his point of view? Good luck, it's terrible in circumstances like yours that you were refused.