Several months ago finding myself accidentally pregnant at 45, I then had a miscarriage at around 9 weeks.
3 months later my partner had a heart attack, which he survived with stent surgery.
A few months ago I went back to work after being a SAHM and my job is highly pressurised, target driven, people quit on their first day kind of environment. I've underplayed the stress of the job to my partner (we don't live together) as I don't want him to think I'm a failure.
I've always been an overthinker, and he thinks I'm a naturally anxious person (I was unaware, I consider myself optimistic, never knowingly depressed and generally happy).
But lately along with being unable to fall asleep until 3 or 4am every night, I've been having funny turns of an evening, sat on my own, relaxing, watching tele or similar.
I had to contact my boyfriend one time to rush over as I felt - the only way I can describe it, lightheaded and trippy.
It wasn't a panic attack, Ivenad those before, this was brought on for no reason. Sometimes I sit and think about the enormous mindblowing actuality of our existence, I wonder if I really exist, I'll look in the mirror and not be sure if I really exist, that kind of thing. It's very scary momentarily, and that makes me feel lightheaded and 'out of touch'.
I do have some health concerns such as constant heartburn, a very low heart rate, and a crackly cough which seems permanent. I've never smoked and don't drive so walk everywhere, swim regularly, walk back from work, and so on. My diet isn't great but I'm not hugely overweight. I know sometimes health can be a factor as much as overall mental or emotional wellbeing.
What are these episodes? I google-doctored and it suggested psychosis! Could it be post traumatic from losing the baby and then nearly the baby's father within a few months of eachother?
His heart attack has certainly made me afraid of death in a way I never was before. I'd started obsessively watching those Russian dash cam videos of real car crashes and with that recent plane crash, all I was interested in was ensuring all the victims were definitely deceased (by googling images of the crash site), that there was no hope they could have survived, as if it reassured me they wouldn't have died in pain, it would have been over quickly.
These episodes where I'm feeling like I don't exist for a few fleeting seconds are just about controllable if I distract myself hard enough. If I let them fly, I feel as if I would pass out, or my mind would no longer be my own.
For the record, I've never been on prescription meds other than asthma inhalers, never been admitted for mental health concerns, and never been a drinker or drug user. Well, apart from two small trips back in my early 20s. But I don't consider these episodes 'flashbacks'.
Does anyone have any views on the situation before I consider seeing my doctor?