Breast lumps- terrified.

[glugglugglug]

Hi,

So I'm sure this is a subject that is brought up lots on here and I know nobody can tell me everything will be fine, but anyway, here I am.

Since having my breast reduction 10 years a go, when I was 20, I have given myself regular(ish) breast examinations. The texture of my breasts is quite lumpy and bumpy and I have been to the doctors with that in the past. I had a scan, but was given the all clear and was just told that this was just the way I was built.

With my surgery, I have internal scar tissue, which is hard and there's a fair bit of it. It's hard to tell what is scar tissue and what is just my lumpy textured breast tissue.

On friday, I wasn't giving myself an exam, I was actually just scratching an itch and I felt a couple of hard (not rock hard) smoothish lumps, which I'm sure weren't there before. My gp had a feel today and she said it did feel like scar tissue, but that that lump was quite defined and firm, so she's sending me off to a breast clinic. I knew this would be the case, but I'm so scared. There isn't any history of breast cancer in my family. I'm not over weight. I don't smoke (but used to on and off) BUT, I do drink too much and I know that there is a big link between breast cancer and alcohol.

I have been struggling with depression for years and been feeling especially bad these past few months, so this isn't really helping. I also had a smear test today (what a monday ey!) so will be worrying about those results too. Have had complications in that area for years now. Had a cervical cyst removed 3 or 4 years a go and have had lots of pain and bleeding.

I don't really know why I'm posting. As I said, I know nobody can tell me everything will be fine, or indeed, everything won't be.

Would be good to hear from any ladies with experience though.

TIA

Sending

Easy said than done, but wait and see what gets said first. Grab some mate get them round for dinner to take your mind off it.

You've done the right thing by seeing the doc.

Holding your hand Hun

huff, thank you.

My dp has gone away with work for a week and to be perfectly honest, I don't think I'd be much company for a friend to come round. My dp couldn't have gone away at a worse time, but obviously it couldn't be helped.

It could be more cysts. I just hope that your exam is soon. Are you seeing your doctor for the depression and/or reducing your drinking too? You could do with some support.

We have history of breast cancer in my family so when I felt bumps I was terrified but it turned out to be cysts. They booked me into an ultrasound for my lymph system too and I have cysts everywhere but I am clear of the bad stuff. It feels absolutely horrible whilst it is going on but afterwards I felt relieved that I had acted and could stop worrying.

Try and find a relevant helpline so that you have someone on the phone for times when the fear gets too much.

Good luck with everything. In a time hopefully you will be feeling much better.

Me too sister. I doubt I'll be seen for a week or so.

I'm on a waiting list for CBT, which actually, I've had before. Hopefully I will get more out of it this time round. As far as my drinking goes, I think I just need to be in the right frame of mind. I'm not a binge drinker, but I fall into that category of little and often. So I'll have at least one or two most nights, but I never drink to get drunk. I'm not saying that isn't a problem, because growing evidence suggests that it is. I'm just saying I already know the risks and my gp won't be able to tell me any more than I already know. Me and dp have agreed to cut right back though and I feel more than ready to do that. Times like this really wake you up.

I'm glad you got the all clear. I'm a born worrier and come from a family of worriers, so I didn't really stand a chance! My heart has been beating so hard and fast, it feels like it's going to burst out of my chest.

Also sister, I have swollen lymph nodes in my neck, which were checked out a couple of years a go and were fine. I don't know if you can have the same in your breasts?... excuse my ignorance.

I get swollen lymphs in my neck every time I get a cold (which isn't often these days thank goodness). It worried me when I first got them but the doc explained it was my way of fighting infection. It wasn't lymph related in my breasts, they suspected it was just the leftovers of mastitis but I think because I had reported symptoms which sounded like polycystic ovaries they decided to go for the full scan at the same time.

I hope the CBT works for you. It's really good if you are always having catastrophic thoughts and say things like 'I'm NEVER...' or 'this ALWAYS happens'. It helps you take a breath and take a more logical look at how you think and what you say. If you've had really bad depression for many years then I think more long term deep examination and talking is needed but the NHS is failing to provide it. It took me years to get it - if you think you might need it in the future don't ever give up no matter how long it takes. However, I did find the CBT very useful too as it gave me practical steps to help heal myself. You can get books on it to practise after your sessions have finished.

I'm glad your DP is supporting you. If nothing else you'll have more dosh to spend on doing something nice together. Try and imagine a future of health and fun things to do as it might as easily be the true outcome as any other and you might as well try and picture the nice one.

I wish you a happy cuppa and a bunch of I'm off home now but I hope you'll be okay tonight.

sister, I'm glad you've had a good outcome with the CBT. I think my therapist focused on the wrong issues, looking back. I did get something from it though, but gradually I found myself slipping back into old habits.

I feel like I'm going crazy here on my own tonight tbh. I can't stop thinking about it being the worst. Little to no chance of sleep I reckon.

Thank you for being so kind.