Boyfriend refusing to go A&E over serious chest pain.

[JustGiveUpGatekeeper]

My boyfriend had a heart attack last autumn. He was mid 40s, a smoker, little exercise, stressful job, relatively ok diet, family history of heart issues. He had stents fitted but has had constant chest pain since.

Regularly he says he wants to die because of the ongoing chest pain, refuses to use a special pain relief spray as it gives him chronic headaches, and today for instance, is again stating he won't go to A&E to check out the pain, as 'what's the point of going there everytime I have chest pain, Id rather just drop dead from it'.

I can't force him to A&E or to take the pain relief med. He's not suicidal just very depressed about it all and refuses to take action to alleviate the pain, ie the spray, or get checked out, or even ask for stronger pain relief meds.

What can I say to convince him he needs to get the pain checked out? Apparently it's 'likely' that ongoing chest pain is a potential side effect of having had stents fitted, but who knows, it could be another serious issue occurring right now. But he literally doesn't care. What do I do? If I called an ambulance he'd probably call me a control freak or something or be angry.

Does anyone else have a partner who behaves similarly post heart attack? How do you deal with it?

I'm probably going to post this in Chat too for the traffic,but obviously it's likely that someone with similar experience may be on this board instead. It's very frustrating :(

God you must be going out of your mind man

Would a home blood pressure machine help as a compromise? I'm assuming blood pressure goes a bit wonky with heart attacks?

I don't think there's much you can do if he knows the risks but still won't go or take his (presumably GTN ) spray. Even if you call an ambulance they can't force him to go and the checks they can do (if he consents) are not definitive, he needs bloods for that.
How horrible for you, would he go if you explain how stressed and upset his refusal makes you?

NCIS His Mum and brother also don't like using the GTN spray as its notorious for migraine type headache side effects apparently.

gamerchick He's recently had his bloods done and his blood pressure was fine then, but he will continually tell me he's in pain and wants to die.

Perhaps it's an emotional issue instead he needs to investigate then I don't know, but it's very frustrating when someone refuses to investigate physical pain to this extent. I do take it personally too when someone says they'd rather die than live, it feels like they're saying nothing's worth living for with this pain, not even you or the kids. And then I'd be told I'm being 'selfish' for only thinking about myself and my own pain if I lost him. It's a no wn situation

If the pain is constant for months then A&E is the wrong place. He should see his GP, though. A&E can't fix chronic issue, but GP might. You're thinking of the wrong service.

Could it be the stents that are an issue? Might they be dislodged or badly put in? If he's had the pain since surgery it sounds to me (non medical person!) that the surgery might be the cause. Get him to his gp ASAP, or can he call his cardiac consultant direct?

It could be a psychological problem. It's quite common to have a bout of depression after a serious health event, and he is relatively young. Has he had or would he be open to any councelling? Or see his GP?
Could you try a harsh approach? That if he doesn't listen to his body he's likely to leave you without a partner, children without a father etc.
He really should get the persistent pain checked out, from his cardiologist if he is still under their care.

He might be able to take a different kind of pain relief. He should see the GP to see if there is a different kind available and if there could be some issue with the surgery. Sounds like he is having some kind of mental problem too. Being depressed, worried and anxious about another possible attack may make pain worse too.

A headache is a very well known effect from the GTN spray but compared to a heart attack it's a relatively minor one. If the pain is constant then it's probably not the right pain relief for that particular pain though. Has he tried paracetamol as a starting point?
I might be tempted to try everything to persuade him but then if he won't go then say if he refuses to do anything then he must stop continually telling you about it.